Archive for Politics

On Racism, Neo-Nazism, and Everything that Bunches your Panties!

Posted in About me, Justice, On the Gods with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 26, 2013 by Tyrienne
I'm an equal opportunity hater.

I’m an equal opportunity hater.

Wow, that reaction to the last post was fast.   I was in the shower and it came to me “Great post, I’m proud of you- Now you need to quickly bury it with another on that other people want to hear about.”

Thanks, Loki.

So, this might come as a surprise to some of you, but did you know that each and every single member of the human race comes with a unique background, experiences, upbringing, education level, interests, and biases?  It is true!  Not only that, but most human beings HATE being classified into neat little boxes and discarded because they hold a point of view that is unpopular that thereby renders everything else they have to offer to the community as null and void!

So, the great, big topic in Heathenry these days is racism and the influence of the neo-nazi movement on our religion at large.  There are two sides to this great debate-  the “Folkish ‘ We’re not racists, we just hate black people'”  side, and the Universalist “Love everyone! Except for Nazi’s,  Or Else we’ll hate you!” side.

Hmmm.   Hard choice, there.   I would like to relay to you a prejudice that I have before I answer the question:

I DESPISE faux-blonde soccer moms in SUV’s.  I absolutely hate them.  Everytime I see one on the road, my blood boils- from their loud Ke$ha or KidsBOP music, to their screaming spawnlings in the back seats, to their inability to park in just one space.  I hate seeing them spend 20 minutes fondling their purses as I wait for a parking space at the China Buffet.  Bitch, I wear my keys on my belt with a climbing clip….if your purse is deep enough to fear purse coyotes sucking you into the depths of your Louis Vuitton special edition whore’s purse snatch syndicated bag ;  I will not only join organizations against your kind, but I will burn effigies of Life-size LaBoutin heels on your lawn until you move you and your hell-spawn back to some urban area where I never have to deal with the likes of your people again.

An older blonde. Purse Coyotes. I would pay to genetically engineer an army of them.

So, anyway, racists.   No.  I am not a racist.  I find the entire idea of race delightfully amusing in the “Aryan” community being a former student of Persian studies knowing that “Aryan” is a cognate of “Iranian” and “Caucasian” comes from the word “Caucus” referring to the mountain range which divides Turkey from Persia (aka Iran).

As in my last post there are people in this world I cannot stand- the above examples as well as the one in the previous post being on a list.  HOWEVER…this is how I actually feel.

I don’t care who you are friends with,  if you are friends with me, you can be sucking Hitler’s dick as long as you don’t expect me to do likewise.   Same thing goes for if you are friends with an Oathbreaker or a tiny blonde woman in a SUV.  If I am friends with you, I have no doubt made my stance on the matter clear-  I choose neither “Side”, but take each person as an individual to determine if they are worthy of my time. (Groupthink is bad, people…look it up). Your friends are not my friends.  You are my friend…unless I meet your friend and get to assess them with my personal judgement skills I have no right to judge them…. and even if you ARE friends with someone I dislike- guess what?

I DO NOT GIVE A FLYING FUCK.

(again…friends with you, don’t care who you have lightsaber wars with your cock with)

Furthermore, the movement to annex the “Neo-Nazi’s” out of the community is a terrible idea considering that from an outsider’s perspective, the words of a Neo-Nazi Heathen are no less and no more viable than a non Neo-Nazi.

What I propose is this- if you want to make a difference in how people see the world…. TALK To THEM…but not with the express purpose of changing them, since that in underhanded and dishonorable.   The best way to deal with racism is to have an open dialogue about it.  If racist and non-racist mix, who knows?  Maybe we can all find something to hate together… like the war in the Middle East which has been eating all our resources in the US, or tiny little blonde women in great big SUV’s.

I have friends on both sides of this fence which would make both sides blanch in indignation.  “How COULD you?!”  I would be asked.  Easy… they run one hell of a sumbel/make awesome potpie/come out with interesting newsletters.

The key to unity and harmony is moving the focus AWAY from racism altogether and finding common ground- the more you focus on any difference, the more that difference shines and detracts away from any hope of reconciliation.

Politically, I belong to “The Troth”.  However, I have friends, good friends, who do not agree with “The Troth’s” stances on many issues…. and that is okay.

With that being said.  If anyone is interested in (metaphorically) burning down a Sephora store in a upscale shopping center (or even just zombie-flashmobbing one) let me know.

As for Loki- let it be also known that my Patron God has never singled out any group for hatred or spite- but instead has been both an equal opportunity lover and hater.

😉

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Three Tiers: Wedding plans

Posted in About me, Justice, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on May 29, 2013 by Tyrienne

Adriaen van Utrecht | Vanitas Still-Life with a Bouquet and a Skull

Warning: This blog post is likely longer and more boring than most I have written up until this point.  Real life often is.

After what felt like an hour of scrubbing, I have almost removed all that remains of the surgical tape that attached a heart monitor to me for 24 hours.  Man, that sucked-  however, I get to “enjoy” this ritual all over again tomorrow after my stress test on the treadmill.  More tape, more monitors….followed by my very first appointment with a real internist in several years where I get to drop a lifetime of medical history and subsequent legal paperwork on the poor soul to fill out on the first day I ever lay eyes on him.  La-de-da.

These are the hoops to jump through to get a single pill/surgery/whatever that will get my pulse from that of a hummingbird to a human…and yet, blood pressure remains corpse-like.   It’s been awkward; I have several specialists, but have not had an official “doctor” coordinating everything like most people in years.  So, instead of sending all the results in advance-I thought it would be wise to meet with the man first before he receives an onslaught of results from dozens of tests from all over Pennsylvania from every known type of specialist.

I have not met him, but I sincerely hope he is nice, intelligent, and has a sense of humour.   I was told he does have experience with cases like me-  however, most cases “like me” don’t usually have one day every few weeks of unusual competence nor steady spousal support resulting in remaining “on top” of the pile of endless tests, justifications, and prescriptions required to keep further deterioration at a minimum.  That, and I have religion  which allows for plenty of Deus ex Machina to cover me when I am barely treading water.

Good thing our last ritual was to healing Goddesses… Hail Mengloth and Eir, right? 🙂

So, it’s been an excitingly frustrating 7 days-
On the bright side, I was allowed to keep the “Time” magazine from the phlebotomy office at Quest Diagnostic which had the article on the second man to teach me Sufism via his students, as “One of the World’s 100 most influential people.”  This is the same man who taught me that any person who demands your respect deserves it the least. I was awestruck- and now have an answer for the wishful yoga “Guru” (Capital “G”, yo’.) who wanted my supplication and obedience to his ridiculous and under-researched take on Hinduism since he “sat at the feet of the wisest yogi’s on the planet…”

Krishna is NOT a pacifist.  I suggest the Bhagavad Gita as a resource considering the majority of the text refers to Krishna addressing his friend, Arjuna about the necessity of war.  I learned that in college from many religion courses… not from some mansion-living asshole wearing a burlap sack and ripping off rich Americans with more money than sense, and not enough book readin’ to know better.

Okay, asshat- My teacher was in “Time” magazine….was yours, Mr. Abusive, anorexic, autistic, paranoid, no-degree, vegan, pretentious, parent-funded jackass? 🙂

Also= I’m not a Hindu.,

(The urge to contact this character to say: “Bow to me, lowly peon…!”  exists, but just the satisfaction of this information is more than enough to humour me)

Our personal practices have become more interesting in the past few weeks as we seem to escape any and all boundaries or commonality with what people expect of us.   We have become frustrated that the most exciting things in our religious practices are likely to be the least understood; yet at the same time- we find ourselves surrounded by so many unhappy people that we both had to learn that we cannot please everyone, accept everyone, and be beholden to everyone.  Time is precious, spend it wisely on what you can influence positively.  Remove from your life what makes you unhappy, uncomfortable, and what does not bear fruit.-  This I learned years and years ago from a Native shaman who read me at another faire.  “Know when to hold them, know when to fold them, and let fields lie fallow when they don’t grow corn.”

I must say though- getting a Ouija board made by a Floridian priest out of Haitian wood decorated with tarot cards around the edges was the most interesting purchase made…. and also, the object in particular is 1/20 in the entire world, blessed, and works well.  We managed to channel a rather sarcastic author my fiancee is partial to who offered hysterical answers to our questions-
As well as indicating my dead grandpa was also in the room…by referring to him as “The Nazi”.
“Why would you say such a thing about him?”  We asked,
“Hello! Because He is”.  (Grandpa was temporarily in the SS during WWII- but defected to the British secret service) If you want an idea of what’s going on- check out Ed’s new blog Here.

Basically, to sum up Ed’s blog we have both lived lives where we have been extraordinary push-overs in attempting to please everyone, and we are currently working on rewriting both of our priority sets to honor ourselves more, care less about the games and dramas of others, and learn to discern where and when we can contribute the most good to the world and when to gracefully bow out and do our own thing.  Making everyone happy was making us anti-social and resentful.  It was time to take some of ourselves back for our own good.

Heathenly speaking: Nauthiz has been in full swing as my fiancee and I found ourselves forced to make concrete decisions regarding wedding plans.  I visited a psychic last week for a reading who gave better advice than my current therapist- basically, that even as the shell of a “Type A” personality- I need to learn flexibility and that if something isn’t going the way I envisioned, it is not to say all is lost- but rather, there are possibilities I was likely not aware of that will come to pass and to allow more competent and willing parties to take charge.  Which is exactly what occurred.

Every altar was given at least one new gift of a stone, candle, or both- including a huge terminated, irradiated smokey quartz on my fiancee’s main altar- some smaller black quartz  and blue Bornite for Tyr,  A citrine/quartz and a handful of Bornite for Loki.  An Amethyst raven for The Morrigan, a natural, jewelers quality quartz for Anubus, and Zinc quartz for the Gentleman’s Altar of Freyr/Janis and Cernunnos…. all with fresh, new candles….including refilling our box of tealights for the ailing, dead, and those who request honest, legitimate help from us.

The candle for the patron of our relationship has been lit off and on for days-  it might surprise some to know that it is Freyr we look to for relationship issues rather than any Rokkr.  We as a couple remain remarkably stable- however, the process of life regarding the wedding “clicking” into place around us needed a “spark” of discontent in our wedding plans- we had to defend our religious practices to another, which then triggered a chain affect of solidifying a much more complicated and satisfying wedding arrangement than even I imagined beforehand.

So- my idea of the picnic is the woods is still going to work; we have confirmed Ed’s favorite park with pavilion space enough for food and the possibility of rain.  Furthermore, in letting go of my innate habit of being the “planner” in the relationship-  Ed created a beautiful 3-tiered wedding process that never would have crossed my mind that solves a series of problems I was struggling to accommodate.

First, since we have to get our license from the state anyway, he wanted a private judge-wedding with just family followed by a nice dinner at the beginning of the month.  This way, we can take advantage of the next 10 days he has off for a honeymoon that is technically “real”….including some light day trips to places like the Mutter Museum and possibly Salem or New York.

Since we are doing this all ourselves- the day before our actual Braucher- officiated wedding; we are having a get together lunch with whomever wishes to join us at a Scottish restaurant near the majority of my friends the Saturday before- a sort of cross between the idea of a bachelor/ette party and rehearsal dinner….followed by an evening of cards against humanity and take-out cuisine for the evening as those out-of-towners and people who wish to help set up for the “big” thing stay overnight at our apartment if they want to.   Then, Sunday- as I get my hair done, (and possibly nurse my hangover) the men set up in the morning, then at 2pm we have a  family friendly picnic, Heathen ceremony- and at the end of the evening, whomever is left to help with clean up comes back to our apartment for sumbel, in the midst of all of our altars, our cats, and all the blessings one can want.

So, right now, I am waiting on the judge to call me back to confirm the first week of July for the “legal-ease” wedding, set up a hair appointment for the 28th, and now- I am looking for a cheap florist to provide a bouquet or two… as well as good, sturdy flowers to wear in my hair.  Looking at bulk prices, it appears miniature blue carnations and baby’s breath sent via some online site are currently the front runners.  20 bucks for 50 stems of each.  Not bad.

Still need to purchase shoes, a slip, and next week- my fiancee’s Scottish regalia.  The wax mold for our rings will be seen on June 22- then fabricated that week.  And I have learned that even a “simple” wedding still takes planning, time, and slightly more money than expected.

I also discovered my former roommate from over a year ago was apparently attempting to claim food stamps under my name- leaving me with a thousand dollar reimbursement to contest. (which I am not concerned about-I have a copy of my lease proving my residence here in THIS county)   I am beginning to seriously consider purchasing a small filing cabinet for our Tyr (Ziu) altar- since all my paperwork regarding “justice”, “injustice”, and anything “government” hath started running over…

I agree with the Christians when their book stated “Give what is Caesar’s unto Caesar.”  Meaning- let all political/government/legal matters be entirely separate from the rest of life whenever possible.  Tyr has been generous with guidance and help on these things, so I have faith Justice will be done.

So, our cake and our wedding will be three-tiered- but nine separate cakes for each realm of Norse.  We have done our best to minimize butt-hurt in this way and we have also learned that dealing with either religious politics or my family politics is exactly like a game of RISK:  By the time you have the board set up properly, you realize you have no desire to actually play the game.

So, I’m not going out of my way to contact extended family except very minimally, the same goes for anyone else estranged on either side, or religiously speaking- if they show up, they will be expected to be on their best behavior lest they be promptly removed by my brother’s friends who would enjoy the privilege.   My brother, sister-in-law, and best friends along with Ed’s family get their “Specialness” with the court wedding…(since there was possibility of offense being taken by not having attendants or a special “family” part some people love so much)…and We still get to have our religious Heathen celebration…

…and hopefully, the medical issues will be resolved in that time as well; one problem will be solved at least- in July, under new insurance, I will get to see my old therapist again who was better trained on my issues- which will very much help minimize any terror at the idea of a large crowd on the 28th.

So- need to hear back from the judge, make hair appointments for the two of us for the first week of July still, buy the Kilt/Highland shirt combo for my man, buy shoes and a slip, figure out where to get a garter and bouquet, and I think that’s about it….other than dollar store streamers to mark our pavilion as “Taken”.

Since so many of our friends are LGBTQ- Ed will be wearing the garter and throwing the bouquet- Bi/pansexuals reading this:  Pick ONE to go for.   The result of who-catches-which could end up anywhere from “typical” to awkwardly hilarious. 🙂

However, after the chaos of being accepted then rejected from location to location- I think the end solution turned out to be the best solution-  all I needed to do was let go and allow my fiancee the confidence to figure out solutions to problems that vexed me.  I’m not used to being with someone equally to more competent than myself:  But if he wasn’t, I wouldn’t be marrying him.

Weddings are usually the dominion of the “woman”-  after years of self analysis, I should have known that if it’s the domain of the “woman” I am likely the least equipped for the task out of anyone to attempt to navigate such waters.

I am willing to pimp Ed out as a wedding planner by the way- he’s remarkably good at creating elegant, clever,  and complex solutions… just pay him for his time.

That is for another post;  when to know when people are taking advantage of you for things they should be paying you for but don’t….

Weird People; Stranger ideas… A Statement on Comparative Religion

Posted in About me, Justice, On the Gods with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 21, 2013 by Tyrienne
Norse Gods by Floriflor of deviantart.com

Norse Gods by Floriflor of deviantart.com

I promised today by a friend’s encouragement I would check in on the latest community outcry over the discovery that there are people who are claiming they are having valid UPG’s (unverified personal gnosis) regarding fictional characters/gods, or those who confuse the “Real” Gods with Pop-media interpretations by the same name.

I am of several thoughts on the matter; first of all- we are dealing with an issue which is multidimensional.   I knew a few people in my high school who were very vaguely sensitive to psychic energy; but they were complete idiots and ascribed all things mystical to “dragons.”  To the rest of us with slightly more ability, we would raise our eyebrows and try to explain calmly that, no, not all psychic energy can be ascribed to dragons because that is the image they attached to metaphysical phenomena in their little heads…. but ultimately, people will believe what they choose to believe.  They sensed something “real” they could not fully comprehend, so their minds filled in the blanks the best they could-  this has happened since humanity began- it’s creative, but creativity is not the same as truth.

This is my personal experience of the Norse Gods:

Personally, I am not a fan of Marvel’s interpretation of the Norse pantheon, especially with my connection to Loki- the Loki I know is eloquent, diplomatic, and incredibly resourceful- he is a loner who serves as a nexus of connections for every purpose rather than a “leader” and if given the chance to “lead” a group he would respectfully point you towards someone more willing for the job.  Loki is not an antagonist to the Norse, he is a truth-teller of uncomfortable truth…why?  Because being stuck in social situations based on lies when your primary attribute is intelligence is almost painful to tolerate; polite niceties, false fronts, and white lies make life more complicated than necessary- and there are other things that need to be accomplished without all the added bullshit.   There are Gods who equally intolerant of such things- but they keep such things in check by other means.  Where Loki will expose a flaw, weakness, or weak link in a community- Tyr will simply quietly watch the troublesome party until injustice has occurred by their actions and then He will take swift judgement and retribution; especially against those who speak ill against His name- whereas Loki is almost “used” to being maligned.

Vidarr remains silent and absents himself from all conversation allowing his actions to speak for Him…. and when faced with absurdity, Freyr will politely find the company of more rational minds and absent himself entirely.  Hela forever remains outside the little nexus and vertices of any and all human interpersonal drama-  She prefers to speak to her chosen individually; and likely gives each dead man and woman their time.

I have no idea how Thor handles the raging throngs of devotees and fans he has accrued.  If I were him, it would be sufficient reason to drink- but I do not know Him well, and we have only interacted once on His behest.  On that occasion, he was extraordinarily gentle in the fact that I was contributing to the whole Loki vs. Thor debacle the American community has concocted and He wished for me to meet Him personally so I could personally hear from Him that He is no adversary to Loki, but instead a close confidant.  Also, He asked that when there is a situation that requires Action rather than Diplomacy, to never be hesitant to call on Him.  Like His rune, Thurisaz, He can both erect boundaries or remove them swiftly depending on the need.

As for Odin, wise, militant, mad, and brilliant Woten- All Father to most, and Blood Brother to Loki;  He is the most unpredictable of them all; when He speaks, you are silent and there is no room for argument- He is Right.  But He also speaks in riddles at times, and leaves it to you to discern His meaning when He blesses you with His guidance.

The Norse I know WILL lead you through fire, test you, and temper you like steel-  As Lokian, you are to use your mind to find your way, an Odinsperson is to use their intuition….and a Tyrsperson will have their Honor tested again and again. Helspeople will be found to comfort the grieving as well as to assist with transitions of those already passed….  the undertakers of this world may be less seen than they have ever been at any point in history at this moment- but the chosen of the Gods of the dead: Morrigan, Anubis, Hel, Baron Samedi, Izanami, and the Shinigami still exist and their real “work” in this life is not their nine-to-five job.

Those of the Tricksters: Loki, Inari, Papa Legba, Coyote, Eris, and even Odin will always question human rules and limitations- all human laws and rules are transient; divine law is immutable- they prove to us that we will never conclusively know ANYTHING, much less everything- it is the wise person who is more aware of how much they do not know rather than he or she who is secure in what they believe they do know.

There are the peacemakers: Baldr, Frigga, Freyr, Kuan Yin, Buddha, Apollo, and friendly vaetirr-  They will stand in fire themselves to stop needless conflict; even the most hardened warrior knows the best battle is the one avoided.

Gods of Love and/or passion:  Inanna, Freyr, Aphrodite, Eros,  Freyja, Frigg and countless others…  Honest Love is more important than any other human goal.

There are those of the Gods of war: Tyr, Berchta, Thor, Ares, Athena, The Morrigan (again), Freyja, Inanna, and Odin- there are actions necessary for change…  it would be utopia to live in a world without war- but conflict is necessary for growth.

In fact, Thor indicated most “walk away” from Tyr, for living life as a Tyrsperson is excruciatingly difficult since the demands of what is Honorable leave no margin for error; however, I have also found His demands upon me to be few…but those few are time consuming, put me in the spotlight when my Lokian nature prefers shadow, and oftentimes lead me into direct confrontation with many people’s cherished beliefs or life practices which to Tyr, are unacceptable.

If you wish to work with Tyr, you must abide by his rules of unflinching truth, bravery through fear, and occasionally sacrifice for the greater good- you will never be promised wealth, popularity, or any other stupid human desire; but rather, you have the reward of doing “the right thing” for it’s own sake- that is the only proper reward given and accepted by a Tyrian….but it comes at the cost of interpersonal relationships at times- and further, it exposes you openly to those who would knock you down equally to those who would support you.  He didn’t get to keep his hand; he knew the Aesir were lying to Fenrir, and he knew that lies have a price to be paid.   Tyr is fairness, judgement, leadership, and war: both the avoidance of war as well as knowing it’s necessity; that there will be times in our lives we will need to fight, metaphorically or physically, to keep all from slavery, subjugation, and untruth.

So, we have people worshipping Marvel Thor, My Little Ponies, Gods from S&M novels, teletubbies, and weebles….  What does this all mean?  The same thing it has always meant and will always mean- some people do not have the functioning capacity to accurately perceive the reality of mystiscm and therefore, do the best they can with the analogies they have available in their minds.  I cannot possibly deny that thoughts and intentions have a power of their own- and according to Plato (as a former Philosophy student) thoughts themselves can be/ may be more solid and “real” than our perception of reality.   There are people in Russia who worship the characters of 1990’s cartoon show “Tailspin” and a cult in Florida who believes that Elian Gonzales is the second coming of Christ.

We have millions of people who picture Jesus as blonde haired and blue eyed despite the fact that the region in which he was born was entirely Semitic indicating it is far more likely if he existed he would have possessed dark hair and eyes as well as tan skin.   People have gone out of their way to make their Jesus look as they do- to make Their God a reflection of them….so too, that is what we are seeing with  those who are simply “fans” of spirituality rather than actual spiritual practitioners.

A true spiritual practitioner will never ask you for your subservience-  that is given to the Gods alone- they do not care for most human concerns knowing that in being spiritual, most if not all of their needs will be provided for.   Most will be tested by poverty, madness, and/or severe illness over the course of their lives which deepens them and allows them greater compassion for others; a bitter man is one who has walked away from his sacred calling…. and I have known several to be “former” clergy/teachers/chosen of Gods.  Their auras are marked with silver grey where there used to be gold- and they often fall victim to human trappings of vanity, pride, fame, greed, or paranoia- or perhaps even other things I do not know of and thankfully have not observed yet.

Some Gods will take you back if you stray from the path….other Gods, there is no returning to, ever.  People do not like finality, they fear death, and they fear change- yet all three things will be experienced in every single human lifetime.   There are people who do not forgive, there are actions that are unforgivable (namely, those who harm innocents without remorse), there are animals in nature that will always kill to survive, there are endings and there are beginnings; life chapters that perhaps some pages of the future have a few words written already, but mostly- you are on your own to create your life and make what choices you will to make your own life tolerable.  Most people in the United States, sadly, will have no “life” to speak of- as they age they will grow into increasing self-isolation and allow television and other distractions to take the place of human interaction and communion with nature- they will work jobs with people they hate, and some with create families they will grow to resent simply because they do what is expected of them- these people will never find lasting fulfillment.

Regardless of which religion or path you follow- understand that you will not always “gain” what you put into it-  sometimes, there will be windfalls, sometimes, there will be storms- regardless, if you are “called”- you are expected if you accept that call to devote the entirety of yourself to your practices, to reading, speaking, exploring, listening, and even teaching.   You are not to seek a title out of pride, but out of necessity to distinguish yourself like a lighthouse so that the lost may easily find you, and in turn, find their Gods.  As clergy, your job is to step in as an intermediary to connect a person to the Divine…. then allow the Divine to make of that person what they will.

Not all people are clergy, not all people who declare themselves as clergy are recognized as such by the Gods, and regardless of classes, degrees, certifications or any of that nonsense- a clergyman/woman will be what they are if they are “certified” or not.  What is promised is that they will always know that not all questions have answers; and the answers that do exist are not the ones that people usually wish to hear.

There are very few times in life where no work is necessary, (unless one already works too hard-) and our culture is habitually lazy.

Never trust the person who gives the most comforting answer to the difficult questions, because that person is one who is not in the company of Gods, but one who seeks the company and comfort of humanity who will praise him/her for being so gentle.

Some Gods are gentle at times, but most are not.  Some Gods you’ve heard of never existed and never will outside of fantasy, some Gods you never heard of are Real and will continue to exist without your knowledge of them.   Your own willpower creates much of the reality you experience- thus, many people can falsely attribute their success of their endeavors to just about anything.

One problem with our culture is we have been trained by monotheism to believe ourselves to be “powerless”-  however, even the Bible states “He who has faith the size of a mustard seed may command a mountain to move, and move it shall.”   Faith does not necessarily indicate a divine influence, but rather a trust in a result.

There is a difference.

So, where do I stand?  I can only speak for myself- and my own knowledge is limited to my own personal experience.  I am more experienced than some and much less experienced than some others.   I believe that people “make up” their own gods all the time much like children make up imaginary friends-  however, I believe the relation between that point of view the reality of Godhood is the same as that between an imaginary friend and real, human companion.

I have made references to the shadows on the cave wall in several other postings of mine-  what we are dealing with is nothing more than people interpreting shadows on the wall who lack the ability to turn around and see what causes them.  People who see shapes in clouds and then bow down before them in worship- despite the fact that the next person to the right of them sees nothing but water vapor.

There are many things in life that we as humans have enough personal power from within ourselves to create and destroy without the help or hindrance of any deity whatsoever.

There are thoughtforms that people have put extraordinary amounts of human energy into over many centuries that persist- they are “real” in the sense that they have been made “real” much like one can create a teddy bear.  The teddy bear will act predictably and will be able to do what tasks up to a human’s knowledge of how to make it accomplish tasks- (think robotics).   However, a teddy bear bares little resemblance to a real bear which, by nature, thinks independently from humans, is not 100% predictable in actions, and although may be studied- may never be reproduced cell-by-cell by humans.  In this analogy, I think of Christ as a captured bear, defanged and dressed in garish regalia- his wildness taken from him and forced into the image of mankind where the Jesus-of-the-wild would rally against the exact same people who would have him forced to be imagined in such a way.   Jesus is not a God of the rich, the judgmental, or  the corrupt….and yet, to those same people he is their greatest tool for manipulation of the masses.  If the Nazarene ever existed, He would not be recognized by the majority of his followers if He materialized in front of them.

Same goes for Thor, these days….Loki, Odin, Bastet, Isis, Brigid, or any other popular God or Goddess you can name.

You will not know the true spiritualist by their friends, you will know them by their loneliness….though their friends may be many, most of their time will be in the company of very very few- since their time, ultimately, belongs first to their devotion to those who sustain them.

Also, as Lokian, I need to state: there are exceptions to every rule.   But this is what I do know:

1. Not all who claim to be heathen/Asatru will go to Valhalla- that is for the warriors who die in battle and honorable women- Please pay your respects and give honor to Hela while you are alive for it is better to do so now than apologize when you are dead.

2. Thor abhors purposeless bloodshed.  There is times and a reasons for war, but not all are legitimate.

3. Not everyone is cut out to be spiritual; those who have the Gods favor do not care about your disapproval very much-  the approval of their Gods is worth more than the approval of any human.  Those who do not have the Gods favor will ever be begging for human acceptance.

4. Love and family are worth all sacrifice-  However, family is something you create more than something you are born into.  Those who are the children of atrocious people are honor-bound to stop the cycles of abuse; and find their own honor and create their own families upon adulthood.   We are not beholden to care for those in old age who did not care properly for their young.  That is their punishment; poor behavior and injustice overrides any blood tie.  Those who harm the innocent are best neutralized and sterilized.

5. Any person can be caustic if they are in the wrong environment;  just as any person can be virtuous if given the correct tools and desire to be so.   What may be a close friend to one person may not be the healthiest choice for you.   Be very wary of people who are liked by “everyone”; oftentimes they are least honest.  One who has detractors may indicate that they have the courage to speak their true mind- give all people the benefit of the doubt and make your own judgement on each person rather than relying on the words of others.

6. There are no laws created by humans that are 100% just for all other humans.  There is no one experience, perception, or thought that is true for all people, and there is no person who should be revered over any other.   All humans are fallible- do not trust those who demand your respect.  Respect flows like water naturally- if it must be forced, then it is tyranny.

7. Finally:  Keep an open mind; as humans, everything you think you know is suspect to be proven false at any time.

Hail to my patrons, Loki and Tyr- the All-Father, Freyr, and all others who watch over me and those I care for.  Hail to those of other Pantheons who have blessed me, Hanuman, Inari, Inanna, Kuan Yin, Allah, and all I may have forgotten.

I raise a horn to the truth that two true spiritual people, regardless of who they worship, will always find common ground!

May the Gods watch over us all- and if they do not speak to you, then I pray that awareness grows to discover why they would not.

I do not have the answers.  I only have my thoughts, my experiences, and my personal Truth- and that Truth can change at any moment if I am proven wrong. 🙂

On Disgrace

Posted in About me, Justice with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 9, 2013 by Tyrienne

A wolf and his God…. (artist unknown)

Disgrace-  two words  “Dis” indicating the negative, and “grace”- that which is benevolent and flowing.  To dis-grace is to go against the benevolent, the flowing, the beautiful if you want to be poetic.

I love reading the posts of my Lokian mystic compatriot Myriad in Germany- her words always always serve as an excellent kick start for what I wish to say allowing me to organize my thought processes a little more coherently to share with the public at large.

Yesterday, I lit candles for both Loki and Odin, only to extinguish them minutes later…. I was angry, I realized-  I was having flashbacks again… a domino effect of every terrible moment experienced in the last several years- the loss of my grandparents as they called me a “disgrace” for committing myself for  psychiatric help, the love letters from a professor that were used to manipulate me for months, being the dirty secret of my ex-fiancee after he found out his ex was pregnant with his child, intentionally, knowing they were breaking up.  The people who betrayed my fiancee and blamed me for their own selfish intentions.   Then, add in entire communities worth of people- like small packs of wild dogs who tear at me and my reputation- to the point where I have learned that reputation cannot be such an important thing since it is fragile enough for any liar to create any story to smash it like a snowflake made of thin glass.

I searched my old email address yesterday for over 400 letters that were exchanged between myself and a man writing under an alias- I gave up, I was going to forward them to a friend of mine to “clear my name” with his father who ran the department in my old college….only to find that apparently during another episode of flashbacks I had deleted them all well over a month ago.   Copies still exist-my psychologist has some, the guidance office, the deans, as well as the last letters posted publicly in my old journal as a “cease and desist” when I desired no further communication.

But then, what purpose would it serve?  Clearing my name is great, but at what price?   I am strong enough to recognize sickness in others- and I realized I don’t have the strength (or weakness) for vengeance.   My friend made it through his last year of college without coming to harm, and our friendship is still intact despite what his father thinks.  Isn’t that enough?

I found myself in an argument two days ago with a friend of mine I see as vastly more intelligent than I am- however- his only flaw lies in his absolute disgust with any of the LBGTQ movement.   When I was a child, I wished to be a boy- I dressed up in my superhero pajamas’s and tried to make a zipline from my “rainbow brite” canopy bed to my high bookshelf- I refused dresses, I wasn’t nurturing, I wanted to jump from the top of the playground equipment and roar like a wildcat chasing, and outrunning others- wanting to be the best boy who was not a boy….to the point of arguing with the gym teacher to teach me to throw a spiral football rather than learn field hockey.  Back in the day, that was considered “disgraceful”- and I was put into therapy where they attempted to force me to play with dolls, fix my hair with lace barrettes, and other female-approved activities.

I indicated to my friend that the dissolution of gender roles has been one of the few boons I have experienced in life; thinking as a child I would have to get massive surgeries to change my gender as I got older- only to reach my 30’s and realize that I am perfectly fine expressing my natural personality in a female body without the fear of repercussions that existed even through the 1980’s of what defines male vs. female.  I learned in Anthropology classes in my late teenage years that what is expected of gender roles changes from culture to culture, decade to decade.  In my late 20’s, I learned that if I were born in Iran- gender reassignment surgery would have been free- rendering the argument my one professor posed against me moot.  “You would survive five minutes if you were born in Iran.”  No, I would have thrived- I would have taken Ahmadinejad’s  offer at the age of consent and RAN with it….and would be living as a man by 21- uncovered, free, and likely on my way to the life of either a mystic or a scholar.

So, what is disgrace?  Going against what is commonly considered “acceptable”- here, I have never NOT been in disgrace by some person, group, or family member no matter how I look at it- which is likely why Loki turned out to be one of my most steadfast of influences on me today.  Eventually, one becomes immune to the vast majority of the opinions of others- I did years ago, barring the opinions of those who are very closest to me.  I keep consistent friendships that last for decades….and for every person who disparages me, there seem to be at least one or two people who respect me, or at very least, find my writings insightful.

The hardest truth I am learning to come to terms with is that one who is prone to telling lies can say ANYTHING.   My mother was an atrocious human being to the point of which I cut off all contact with her nearly a decade ago- and the one thing that stands out most in my abusive childhood is the constant, unrelenting screaming of being called a “liar”- by a schizophrenic who would punish me until I told her what she believed was “truth”…. basically meaning I would have to lie to avoid further punishments.  That altered me so fundamentally that in my adult years I have become transparent.   If I have skeletons in my closet- the closet has an open door and they party in my living room.

I am a disgrace-  But I am an honest one.

I can tell you I slept with my ex-fiancee the day before I “officially” broke up with my ex-boyfriend of 6 years….despite the fact that I told the man I was going to Canada specifically to explore that relationship possibility and that our relationship had already fallen into abusive ruin.  Does that make me “officially” a cheater despite the fact that I told the man I was with our relationship was not working to the point of misery months before I left and that I was going to Canada EXPRESSLY to explore if I was in love with someone else?

I can tell you I outright LIED to save the reputation of the faculty member I mentioned above for the first two years of knowing him….people would ask me where he was, why things weren’t turned in on time, and what he was doing and I played dumb.  I did this because I was told to protect him.  I learned later that in such “protection” I likely harmed the man by enabling the self depreciating behaviors and lack of spirituality on his part that lead to the demise of our working relationship and friendship.  I predicted my youngest friend would be the next person to become his “confidant”-and he did- but to my immense relief, not anywhere close to the sick, twisted interactions I had with the that professor.

He was the only person I would lie for- and I learned again that lying gets me nowhere….  what would have happened if I had allowed him to be held accountable for his actions his first year of employment?  I overheard everything others said about him, and dutifully reported all that was said back to him- he might not have lasted his first year; he was unreliable, unpredictable, and uninvolved.  I was told to “protect” him, and I did, I saved his life once….but I was NEVER told to sacrifice my own morality and sense of honor and honesty on his behalf-which is my regret.

Now, for what?  A year without breath as I worried myself sick for my young friend who I feared would become a new target… I was right and I was wrong.  My friend was not harmed, to my immense relief;   Just a simple, intelligent, and  insecure young man feeding an older, intelligent, insecure man admiration for his thoughts-nothing more; and to his credit- I was not even brought up in conversation or gaslit as I thought I would be.

There is a difference between sickness and sociopathy…. and I derived a small comfort that both these people, one of which I still care about profoundly and the other I used to care for as well found mutual support without any of the apparent disease associated when I was in a similar position.

However, I have also learned that in speaking truth, there is consequences; especially regarding the actions of others.  There are times where I feel morally responsible to bring wrong-doing to light- and in each instance it causes extraordinary discomfort for the parties involved- leading to, most cases, lies on their end to try and recover that elephant in the room.   I told an open hall outright that the local AFA leader asked my fiancee to “represent” the organization by telling him which Gods he may or may not hail.   I told the kinsbrother of a situation of oathbreaking  in his own kindred involving three members- after several months of allowing them the chance to do so themselves.   Why did I do the latter?  Because I was drunk and it actually mentally hurt to keep it a secret when it affected the wyrd of her group so profoundly since I could put myself in my friends’ shoes….knowing I would want to know if I were him.

It has lead me to pull away from the community at large and simply focus on Freyja’s Hall exclusively and on my writing.

If you want to call me a disgrace, here is the ammunition you need:

– I am mentally ill with C-PTSD which causes daily, insufferable flashbacks.
– I am collecting disability
– I am non-cisgender- the more I dress like a “lady” the more I feel like Mrs. Doubtfire-  Every day is Halloween to me- the more feminine the outfit- the more drag I feel.
– I support our troops with all my heart, but do not condone most of the actions of my government.  I fear my government.
-I had my license suspended for two months (currently) because I had a flat tire- was interrogated for 5 hours, and my blood test revealed that my “standard” dose of anti-anxiety medications is several times higher than what is considered normal.
-I have committed myself to psychiatric hospitals three times- I do not regret it.
-I have had at least 3 unsuccessful suicide attempts (likely more, but the memory is hazy)- including being pulled off a bridge in Saskatoon… each time was because I was harmed unfairly by another so badly I felt I was too flawed to continue existing.
– I worship Allah and have several Islamic tattoos (which is heresy, btw)
– I believe that Islam has been hijacked in the name of violence in the same way Christianity was for the crusades and inquisition.  Neither of which are real religions anymore.
– I don’t follow ANY religion anymore- I am not Asatru, and I am not Muslim. I have learned that religions are simply a way of creating packs of wild dogs who bark and fight with one another; Instead- I walk my own path- which is a combination of shamanism, sufism, panpaganism, and heathenry.
-However, I also understand there are beings more powerful than I and less powerful than He- meaning I also adore Loki, Tyr, Odin, Inari, Inanna, Hanuman, and others who have come to me in my dreams and meditations as teachers, guides, leaders, and friends…and I have even more tattoos indicating this.
-I want our government to cease all violent overseas activity.
-I want our currency to be backed by a metal standard.
-I believe forming exclusive “survivalist” groups is hysterical; you are making yourselves into human targets and/or scapegoats for future atrocities.
-I no longer vote- since I realized my vote means nothing and that both parties are owned by the same corporations.
-I believe whole-heartedly in marijuana as a viable painkiller/anti anxiety drug (though I do not smoke currently for fear of my government, despite the fact that it helped me immensely with my symptoms when I did.)
-I believe in premarital sex and the right to have an abortion and all humans the right to choose to be voluntarily sterilized. ( I have a hysterectomy, much of my gender issues resolved themselves after I stopped having periods.)
-I do not endorse or support the enslavement, subjugation, or servitude of any human to any other human- including sexually, academically, or spiritually. (To serve the Gods are a different matter entirely.)
–If you willingly allow yourself to come to harm by your own recognizance or be subjugated by another- you are weak and to be pitied; I feel compassion for you, but I do not condone your choices.
– I look at the world today and consider anyone who works for another human being as an indentured wage slave….regardless of how nice the compensation is.  Back in the old South, House Slaves were given better treatment than field slaves… however, neither were free.
-If I ran the world, it would be a limited geniocracy- like ancient Athens but lacking the gender discrimination… however, with the exclusion of those who exhibit sociopathic/psychopathic tendencies.  Alternatively, a society ruled by the kind and courageous.
– I do not believe gender is anymore important in today’s society than eye color. We already have too many people.
-I believe in kindness towards everyone until they have taken explicit action to directly harm you.
– I believe you cannot be harmed by any “bad magic” if you are truly innocent.
– I feel no guilt in directing negative intention to those who have intentionally harmed me, and I derive pleasure at their suffering. – – -Schadenfreude is my favorite word in German.
– I believe the universe is fair, but humans are not…. the Gods do not make our lives shitty, people do.
– I do not believe money is a “good” thing, I do not believe seeking riches is an admirable goal- I would rather be poor and kind than rich and selfish.
– If I have the money, I will give it to those who need it more than myself…. to my detriment.
– I feel if a person is wealthy and does not give most of their wealth to charity then they are poor in ethics and spirituality.
(My grandparents would literally give me hundreds of dollars when I was already wealthy- but disowned me when I was poor and sick.  This made me realize that they are not good people….they would also kill neighborhood cats and dogs that “annoyed” them)
– There is no such thing as a Good person who “dislikes” and/or is avoided by animals.
– I do not believe in race….but every culture has it’s own special brand of asshole.
– I understand that the “Aryan Race” is bullshit-  “Aryan” is a cognate of “Iran” and “Caucasian” comes from the Caucus mountains in Iran and Turkey.  Every person I see promoting Aryan/Caucasian “pride” I judge you as poorly researched, bigotted, and stupid.
-Latvia was NEVER fully Christianized, considering that my own grandmother sees Jesus as just one of many options out there.
-I believe killing a fetus is better than abusing a child….100% of the time.  Abortions should be free, easily accessible, and not stigmatized. I have taken several women to get abortions and I have never regretted it.  On the same token-  on the third abortion after age 18, it is indicative of poor enough decision making skills that the right to parenthood should be taken away via mandatory sterilization.
-If abortion is “wrong” because it “messes with the plans of the God(s)-” then fertility treatments are equally reprehensible.  God(s) obviously deemed you as unworthy of being parents.  Deal with it and become a foster parent.  Your genes are too flawed to be passed down.
– If you do not take care of your own children, protect them, love them, and give them the majority of your time when they are young and helpless, you are a terrible human being.
-If you have EVER knowingly harmed a child, an animal, or an innocent person- you deserve any and all suffering you experience.
– I cannot love my own mother and cannot even see her as human; after 17 years of profound abuse and neglect I view her as a rabid animal nothing more and she takes up little of my mind-space.
-Theft of someone’s livelihood is reprehensible.

-Yes,  I judge you for the decisions and actions you take in life….as I know I am also judged by those around me.   It doesn’t change much except in cases where active harm is being committed against the unwilling.

This is who I am.  This is what I believe.  Loki is a scapegoat, as is Lilith, Lucifer, Satan, Prometheus, Jinns/Djinns, demons, satanists,  or any other supernatural “bad person” you can think of, or simply people who you are supposed to “demonize” for having opposing values-  this is societies way of instilling values of what is not acceptable.  Currently, in the Asatru movement to renounce Loki, it indicates a lack of value in honesty, intelligence, diplomacy, and humor.  Too many Asatru have no sense of humor….except in racist jokes.   I like all jokes, really- even really filthy, dirty, inappropriate, racist, sexist ones.  I do not discriminate- but when the only thing that makes you laugh is a joke about a minority, you should reevaluate your priorities.  Also, stop calling yourselves “white” unless you are naturally albino.  Peach, light tan, oak colored, or beige is accurate.   White and Black make no sense unless you are literally those colors… your world view is flawed if you think otherwise.

Christians in despising Satan/Lucifer/The devil indicate they do not stand with rebellion, education (the snake in the garden who did not lie), or personal responsibility.   Please make up your minds if you are “children of God” or his slaves.   A child does not get on their knees in front of a parent unless the parent is extraordinarily abusive.  If you are “in bondage to sin” and have been since birth, why are you supposed to love the one who judges you?  It was my own mother who called me “evil” from a young age- does that make her a good parent?

Muslims-There is no other text but the Quran, and it was written over a thousand years ago-  first of all, stop reading the Hadithe materials, second, read the book yourself WITHOUT ADDED ACCENT MARKS ON THE ARABIC.  Then understand that as society grows and changes, so too, does the interpretation of the book-  it was written intentionally to be vague and for each person to read it personally and draw their own conclusions based on what is holy and what is simply historical within the text.  I doubt Mohammad recited the parts of the Quran that speak about his own actions- why would that make any sense?!

For those who believe there is an “Enemy” out there- there is, it’s called “ignorance” and the only remedy is thought, research, and conversation…  If you follow the words/beliefs/laws of another without even a single question as to the morality of said things you are not living a life, but following a crowd.

The most courageous people in our history have often been killed; Martin Luther King Jr. removed burning crosses from his lawn, John Lennon was shot, Kurt Cobain who spoke out against the record industry killed himself (questionably).

Our comedians speak more truth than our politicians:  the late George Carlin, Stephen Colbert, Jon Stewart, Robin Williams, Eddie Izzard, Margaret Cho, and so many others.

The best people our world has ever known, many do not know how good they were:
Fred Rodgers- spoke actively to congress on several occasions protecting the rights of children, education, and public broadcasting
Jim Varney- better known as “Ernest” from the Ernest movies spent most of his time and money visiting sick children.
Nikola Tesla- wanted to give the entire world FREE electricity; died penniless
Cyrus the Great of Persia – wrote the very FIRST codex on human rights, and allowed free practice of all customs and religions under his rule.
Dr. Jonas Salk- Invented one of the first Polio vaccines and refused to patent it…for the good of the people

…and so many others.

But, in all of this rambling, what comes out is what is it to be a “disgrace” but to be an outcast, abnormal, and unaccepted?  Does disgrace go against honor?  And can an honorable action for one person be considered dishonorable for another…well, obviously- yes.

I would like a world with a little less closet space, a lot more honesty, kindness, and a great deal less war.  In every video game I play- I notice that the objective to “kill” literally hundreds of depicted human beings doesn’t even give one thought to pause-  and yet, sex is still considered taboo.

Gods willing, people will have more sex than war in their lives… but sometimes, it seems that people are being trained for a thirst for blood, a clear “enemy” and someone/someones to demonize and terrorize as they see fit.  This, my friends, is dishonorable.   To disagree is fine- to abuse, degrade, lie about, and gain friends over a common “enemy” is dishonorable.

I have been through a lot, but I ultimately came to the conclusion I cannot blame the Gods for my bad experiences- but I can thank them for helping me get through them….and ultimately, I can thank them for their acceptance and protection of me- with the understanding that in exchange, I will do my best to be the most honest and caring person I can be… and the candles were re-lit today with my apologies.

A quote to sum this all up:

“You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” -Winston Churchill 

I find it no coincidence that Prometheus, Tyr, and Loki are all Gods of both fire and sky… all of which sacrificed, all of which brought much more good to mankind than evil- and all three of which have been punished accordingly for their audacity.

Ch-ch-ch-changes…why I hate Hagalaz

Posted in About me with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 26, 2013 by Tyrienne
Hela and Muninn- Huginn never leaves Odin these days (Artist unknown)

Hela and Muninn- Huginn never leaves Odin these days (Artist unknown)

My fiancee is a chosen of the Gods of Death, it seems- he isn’t dying by any means, but he has the uncanny knack to get the attention of anything remotely close to a psychopomp; Hela, Cernunnos, The Morrigan and Anubis; from ancient Eresh-kigal to the young Baron Samedi.  They like his silence, they like that to others he appears to be a blank canvas on which people paint their own ideas of who he is- and then, as he comes into himself, people flee from him as if he were death itself- in a culture that makes death invisible behind closed caskets and bottom-floor mortuaries.   The inevitable for all is hidden and feared as we hide behind a culture of eternal youth and yet never-maturity.   Elderly people who hold the strong rationales of the young that they are always correct, immortal, and untouchable…. until their first heart attack, stroke, or cancer- at which point, they cling even more desperately to this world, seeking refuge in anything that will remind them of anything but what lies at the end-(or new beginning, my Buddhist and Deutsch friends)

For me, it’s tricksters- Raven, Fox, Loki, Odin, Eris, Inari, Papa Legba, Enki, Hanuman, Ganesha, Coyote, Hermes….then out of nowhere, breaking the pattern there is  Tyr, and to utter confusion, Allah- the greatest trickster of all whose Sufi followers seem entranced in a dance of chaos and order too complex to follow- if anyone even still knows of Him as Divine Love, now hidden behind the words of men who read the Hadithe and not the Quran.   An ancient God based on the goodness of Zoroastrian Ahura Mazda (Ohrmazd) who has now been confused with Angra Mainyu (Ahriman)- the bringer of ill thoughts, ill words, and ill deeds- rather than good thoughts, good words, and even better deeds.  A God of both Fire and water who is now seen as a God of subjugation, sand, and fear.

I also Know a man who calls Krishna a pacifist.  I have read the Bagavahd Gita where Krishna speaks to his charioteer Arjuna about the necessity of death and change.  The flute playing philandering is simply a hobby after the blood has dried from his blue hands.

I am tired of being change.  I am tired of being the canary in the metaphysical coalmine who brings false teachers to the open, liars to their knees, and stands at the last crossroads before enlightenment becomes impossible.  The last warning before you decide to give up on your dreams and submit to the machine, to fall to your knees into perpetual slavery of society, of the mind, and the subjugation of art and intellect in favor of comfort and security- fame and “success”.   I can tell people that this life is an illusion until I’m blue in the face, I can tell them that material things, youth, beauty, and popularity are not eternal. I can show evidence that time and matter as we perceive them are a priori and not true reflections of reality with citations from the most famous and respected physicists and philosophers.

I can challenge you, I can stare you down, I can be your equal, your adversary.  I become more than a human and less- I become a line on a checklist of things that stand in the way- a thing, an “it”…and not in the respectful “it” as found in non-gendered languages such as Persian.

Am I bitch or a woman “with the mind of a man?”
Why are most of the “great” philosophers/geniuses Queer?
Is Loki a man or woman?
He was a mother,  I can never be.
Does it matter?

Everything was fine until I came, I know.  Everything would be different if I were not here- they say, those with lies between their teeth and their mirrors covered with Dorian Gray paintings of themselves as they wish to be seen- their ugliness on the inside.

Don’t trust the beautiful people, the beautiful gods who shine with perfection-  They are the most cruel, violent, and sadistic.  The perfect send she-bears to devour children, Divine Angels to slay the firstborn, and beg for their sheep to be lead quietly to the slaughter at the end of existence, meek and docile convinced of their worthlessness and shame for daring to exist at all- all things, sinful- to question is to cause problems, to stir the pot, to bring chaos.

Hush, quiet…be safe and say nothing; ignore the lies, the blood, and the slaughter that has been funded by your shopping sprees for  this millennium….the money you used to give to the Church you prayed to for salvation in the middle ages funded wars and inquisitions- the money you spend in consumerism is no different.

“I want to be rich!”  people say, they step on their own children and regard their grandchildren with suspicion over green pieces of paper and numbers on a screen that are not even backed by real substance; there is no more silver or golden standard.  They huddle in unhappy lives, chained to ideas and people in fear of being alone while they alienate those they are truly responsible for.  No cocktail party in the world will erase the failings, injustice, false judgement, and division caused by those who would divide the people and claim the poor the enemy and bow before the rich as examples of morality and righteousness.

No camel can enter heaven through the eye of the needle, and the man with 2 wolves at his feet asks to rest in your home in tattered clothes and raven feathers in his wide-brimmed hat.  Jesus walks from city to city in sandals, and Siddhartha gave up a kingdom to understand suffering.

I have known and lost so many great teachers that I cannot trust any of them any more, except for the dead- I’m sure even C.S. Lewis was fallible, however, no man had ever so gracefully explained how all religions can co-exist peacefully- hidden in a fantasy kingdom there were Gods of oceans and trees, and centuries of peace as the faun held hands with the badger, beaver, and human….where there was something undefinable that unified and created it all.

William Paley, if you were alive….I would ask you if that watch in the desert was discarded after it was made perfect to represent the illusion of time- or if others are right and you meant intelligent design.   Nietzsche would claim abandonment then death of the Creator as the watch of our world rusts in our hands.

There was a Parsi Musician who died because he loved too much and too strongly, and was buried with the flames of Ahura Mazda burning brightly at his funeral and his music still inspires more people than Rumi/Molavi….   But since I have described him by traits you did not know him by, you do not see him as one of your champions-  one who looked death in the eyes and looked the world in the eyes to say : “I Still Love you.” days before he crossed his bridge across the chasm to what lay beyond.  His riches given to charities and those he loved most.

I know an Irish magician who wanders with no true home, and I trust him more than I would any academic- though the first thing he will tell you is that he is “mad”.   Madness is liberating; he says.  I concur, the line between genius and madness so very thin-  Loki and Odin cross wrists across that line- but who is on which side at any given time?  They are brothers and their choosing of each other as family is irreversible- not with a drop of blood-but a deluge.

I know a man with a crooked face who paid thousands to fix what a Norseman would see as blessing from Odin, what a Sufi would see as a warning from Allah, and that I saw as character- to be washed away with ebb and flow of money, the thought that the insecurity felt within would be staunched like wound- a wound that bleeds red against white- but the green bears the faces of false leaders- not the green of liberation.

Question, my half-faced friend- how much did you spend on fixing your external false-flaws that could have been given in Zakat?  Oh, but I forget myself.  Atheism is in fashion- to declare with absolute certainty that there is nothing to hold one accountable, there is no watch in the desert, no watchmaker, or Great beast, lion, wolf, or jackel that will weigh your heart on the balance of life and death.

So, do you name the stars in the sky and know each by name?  Can you tell me how to split the moon, and the intricacies of the human circulatory system?  Can you name for me the those who die each day with pinched faces of starvation of your ancestral homeland?

No?

Is your totem the duck or the rabbit?

If you do not know everything, then how can you tell me there is nothing beyond this world when you close your eyes to the world you live in?  What color is your world Grue or Bleen?

We speak of Philosophers and Scientists as if they hold keys to mastery that we cannot obtain-  many go on to higher education to learn how to plagiarize the works of hundreds to create papers that say nothing new at all- the unverified personal gnosis has been vilified- unless it has been experienced by a trusted source. Alan Watts is reduced to a mere footnote or a quotation. William James and Rudolph Otto, both as dead as Wittgenstein and Tesla- (both of which spent their lives dancing with death.)

Nietzsche, Tesla, Crowley, and Nijinsky danced with madness at their ends….but we like to forget their ends- for endings are uncomfortable, especially for geniuses who died ignobly instead of in wealth, opulence of funeral, and with weeks of mourning and gnashing of teeth at their deaths.

Machiavelli died with all the accolades of a Prince- and so, he is revered and more known than the quiet words of Cunningham, LeVay, and Farrar.

We live in a world of a religion of Science which has discovered God in a particle, but magic is the domain of the mad.

“There is freedom in Madness,”  Quote the Irish Shaman– as the fires roared and the coals glowed red against cerulean skies and bright spring grass.  We broke arrows upon our throats for Justice and Confidence.  We shared garnets and mica from the stream and drank water among the gypsies, folk and fae.

Today I am angry at the world, and I hate myself for being the change I wish to see in the world.  I change my surroundings by being mostly unchanging myself-  I do not flow like the river, I am the marble that has been worn away by tears, and torn down by chisels, axes, and the occasional hammer.

I shine and reflect you to yourselves and you blame me for your own failings, I bear a torch and you supply the gas for the flame so all eyes look to me when change occurs.  The invisible fumes, deadly, toxic- and my fire sets them alight illuminating me against your darkness.

So, you bring me your personal demons- your wild wolf self chained in the sound of a cat’s footfalls, the breaths of fish on air, the roots of mountains, the sinews of bear, the bearded woman, the spit of the swallows who build their nests on the side of the rocky crags only to be stolen and made into soup.

The wolf within you is the only thing of value left of yourselves, and you hold that bright beast in contempt for the idea of freedom, sovereignty, and mastery where no man or woman is your better- where you can run with quicksilver paws on ice and endless fields and howl.

…and you eat like the prey you are, many of you.  Weakened and enslaved by trends and fashion-  never knowing the feeling of life fleeting from a warm body- that final shuttering breath and silence in a world of colorful noises.

Never tasting the flesh of the wild- the deer caught mid-leap, the pheasant fallen from flight, or the salmon caught falling upsteam in one fatal leap.

“Kill my wildness; hide me from Summer, Winter, Spring and Fall- take me from my family and give me a Master who is generous.  Take away my desire to run and sit me silently in the ranks of the living dead.  Let me ask your permission to shit and piss and to go home to take care of my ailing family and brief moments in the lives of my children, who are raised in institutions and chained to desks metaphorically as child laborers in third world countries are chained to looms; both learning nothing of consequence to better themselves.”  and these selfsame people look to me as Antagonist, the unchained, dangerous, and ruinous …and I shake my head.

I dream of a moon above a peaceful city of towers and domed holy places... I make my own reconciliation between past and present.

I make my own peace/reconciliation between Time, Earth,and Sky

The path to the sky begins with a sound and continues with action.

The path to the sky begins with a sound and continues with action.

The red moon shines above a city that forces each man and woman to their knees before it, and I wonder- is there a single free soul left in the shadow of Damavand? I was trapped by love letters from a non-cisgender diaspora from their city that destroyed me.  Then I look to my right and I remember how I got here: a journey started with the first sound in the universe, it is said-  and then my own movement initiated by one of the many great Promethean figures- His green eyes burn, His hair red like smokeless flames- a prince of Jinn and an ancient god of Northern hearths.   So many forget what it feels like to bathe in the heat of flame, the flow of streams, to feel the wind upon their faces and the Earth beneath their feet.  A person can write love letters and forget what it means to love.

I am free in my own way… and for that people despise me.  In truth, I no more free than you are. It began with a necklace of the first sound- and the command of a red haired god of green eyes:  I am caged by my own fears- by letters like green ribbons  which I stole from a two-spirit who would not grant me peace nor reconciliation- but I am brave enough to wear a sign of a God that is quickly being forgotten among Hadith, violence, and propaganda.  Would you dare to mark yourself with forbidden symbols and remind yourself that only a one green thread kept you in Hell and away from Hel?

You remain captive in soulless rooms filled with atrophied spirits, and I find myself trapped within my own home, afraid of going anywhere at all without a companion at my side or at journey’s end.  Are we so different?

Evidently, yes.   I am free to speak what words I wish when I wish.  I am free to speak the truth without caring of the consequences from any human; I have been too fucking hurt to care:

Os, the Rune of the uncomfortable truth

Os, the Rune of the uncomfortable truth

According to This site: “Os, the Rune of the God-Voice, is vied for by several deities. It is sometimes associated Bragi, the skald of the Norse gods, and sometimes with Odin himself when he speaks through a human body. It also has an affinity with Odin’s blood brother  Loki the Trikster. What each of these deities has in common is that they represent different ways of speaking divine truths through a human mouth. The skald or bard speaks or sings dramatically, moving the crowd to new emotions. The prophetic voice is often confusing, bringing the stories of the future to the waiting crowd of the moment, but it also important is helping them to touch the divine WodOs, the Rune of the God-Voice, is vied for by several deities. It is sometimes associated with Bragi, the skald of the Norse gods, and sometimes with Odin himself when he speaks through a human body. It also has an affinity with Odin’s blood brother and arch enemy(SIC!), Loki the Trickster. What each of these deities has in common is that they represent different ways of speaking divine truths through a human mouth. The skald or bard speaks or sings dramatically, moving the crowd to new emotions. The prophetic voice is often confusing, bringing the stories of the futurwith e to the waiting crowd of the moment, but it also important is helping them to touch the divine Wod”

However, this is not to say I live a life without extraordinary consequences as well Quoted from Here:

Tiwaz: The Rune of Tyr, Justice, and Sacrifice

Tiwaz: The Rune of Tyr, Justice, and Sacrific

“Tiwaz is a warrior rune named after the god Tyr who is the Northern god of law and justice. Tyr is related to the north star in the Anglo-Saxon Rune Poem, around which the fixed stars in the night sky appear to rotate. Ancient seamen used Polaris as their main navigational aid in their long journeys, and the symbol as an arrow pointing upward is perhaps made in reference to this. This symbolizes the positive ordering of the cosmos and humankind through law and justice and our moral compass. Chaos comes to order through the attributes of awakened consciousness and the guiding principles concerned with carrying out such an awakening.

Tyr is a one-handed god with a long history, and his hand was sacrificed to trick the wolf, Fenris, into being chained. Tiwaz is just victory according to the law of accumulated right past action. To rule justly, one is asked to make many self-sacrifices, and Tiwaz can develop the power of positive self-sacrifice and temper over-sacrifice. The belief that courage and a right cause carries the day is governed by Tiwaz. It is the common justice of the people rather than the use of law by tyrants (a word that uses Tyr as a root)

Tiwaz will bring about a correct balancing of the scales so that you are assured a fair hearing and fair decision. Do not be thrown off balance by the chaos of your environment. Like the North star, you must remain true and calm, assert your case with confidence and let the energies of your orlog assisted by the force of Tiwaz bring about a right solution.

Should you need reassurances that there is value in building up positive patterns in advance of emergency, this is the time you will see its greatest manifestation. You have earned the right to a fair and just decision. Tiwaz will be used to bring fair distribution of the earned energies from your ancestral stream.

Tiwaz can be used to bring about a missionary zeal for a righteous cause. The most powerful insight we can draw from Tiwaz is that we must target our energies in the single most correct place, just as the arrow or spear symbolized by the rune must. Call upon Tiwaz for justice.”

Huginn: "Thought"  The moon is patterned from Al-Hambra Palace, Spain where I spent a semester learning history abroad.

Huginn: “Thought”
The moon is patterned from Al-Hambra Palace, Spain where I spent a semester learning history abroad.

But Despite all the above my first guidance has been Ornithomancy over intelligence:

Muninn: "Memory" Like Odin, thoughts never leave, but memory is transient.

Muninn: “Memory”
Like Odin, thoughts never leave, but memory is transient.

Huginn has been with me since I was 19 years old- this is his most recent incarnation on my back after many trials, artists, touch ups. “Stand Fast” was a gift to remind myself that I saved the child of my ex-fiancee from a childhood like the one I lived through- with extraordinary sacrifice and trust in the Divine to do the right thing.

Muginn was a gift from my current fiancee and both together show a duel nature of my belief systems.  The artists of most of this work was created at KS Tattoo in Laureldale, Pennsylvania.

And so, back to the beginning-  I have been accused, slandered, tortured, gaslit, abandoned, and despised.   I have been loved, followed, adored, cherished, and held on pedestals far too high.  There are times where I am not a person, but an object or simplified to a statement- usually negative.  I am an individual among a society desperate for the approval of most- the way we contort ourselves, our minds, bodies, with paints, surgeries, affects, and meaningless unoffensive words to keep up the status quo.

The  “ideal” person doesn’t wear their history on their body, marking each landmark, scar, achievement, and failing- that is only for those without class- Class keeps things behind closed and locked doors- as they beg for silence against the untempered knocking and avalanches behind closed doors.   Plastic surgery brings one closer to an “ideal”- a tattoo is simply another way to make a scar beautiful, but it also challenges decades worth of societal class distinctions; the barbarian, the soldier, the unemployable, the criminal, the feared, and the blue collared are tattoo’d to the elder generations.

My generation and our avant gardes challenge you, and you do not like us.   We challenge you with our existence, with our lack of ties and pantyhose,    We challenge our society…but not in any substantial way that ever makes the news or changes much of anything- except bringing us our own pain for our trouble of trying.

With me it’s open.  Everything.   I learned early I can not afford secrets with a memory that cannot be relied upon…. if you live dictated by intuition, heart, and intellect rather than conventional means- truth quickly becomes stranger than fiction anyhow and far more interesting than any “story” or lie.

I wear ink to tell my stories…  I have lived through chaos and survived.   I have looked death in the eyes time and again and was refused for whatever reason: repeatedly.  So, for better or worse you are stuck with me for now.  My Fiancee speaks to the Gods who have refused me more times than any 31 year old should be able to count- by chance or deliberate intentions.

I am going to continue to live my life with or without your approval- but I will continue in this process to be wounded, tested, absolved, accused, loved, and despised.   I refuse to compromise my integrity.  I refuse to politely lie to save your comfort.    I fear burlap sacks, being trapped, and FEMA coffins.  I fear I will never see Tehran in one piece and can’t watch the news- when all I see are lies and can smell the scent of war as cleanly as any black-feathered bird.   I fear for my friends in fatigues regardless on which side they fight for- and I am angered at corporate interests puppet governments, complacent people, and the lack of critical thought, lack of questioning, and although I understand it, I also resent the “Status Quo”.

By nature, I realize I am Hagalaz…..wherever I go, I am different, therefore, I bring change if I mean to or not.   However, that doesn’t mean I have to like it.   All in all, I’m actually rather self-loathing where my life consist of a scale where the harm/burden I generate is ever being weighed against the good I am able to accomplish. With those scales is a clock; according to research, my time is 15 years or less as per the law of averages.

Does the Jackal hold the scales for this fox?  No.  Instead, there is an ancestral man with half a face- his eye lost to his love of knowledge, his sanity given for mysteries and mysticism- and as I marked as being a scion of both his blood-brother and one-handed predecessor, He has my first Oath….and only the Gods and the clever know where my second oath remains, indelible, spoken in a city of spies and under a pentagram flag.

Messrs C. S. Lewis, Gibran, Watts, and Molavi,….perhaps one day I could write as beautifully as you and explain it so cleanly, but I need to bypass Time which is stagnant and my fears, inhibitions, and insecurities which are not.

Regret Nothing:

Bow Before No One. A Guide on Heathen Individualism.

Posted in Justice with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on April 19, 2013 by Tyrienne
The Yggdrasil Artist sadly unknown

The Yggdrasil
Artist sadly unknown

The world is becoming an increasingly dangerous and confusing place, we all know this…. and in reaction to the actions of several governments there have been some disturbing trends that are shaping up and taking root both in Heathenry and the country at large that need to be addressed.

Yes, this blog is “The Lokian Asatuar”-  but I remind you all that I am also deeply committed to Tyr, and the levels of injustice, division, discrimination, intolerance, and idiocy are making a mockery of our Faith and our Gods.

First of all- I want you to look at yourself.  I do not care if you are Heathen or not- what color your skin is, or your ancestry.   You have the capacity to be a God with your creativity.

You were granted incredible gifts- the gifts of thought, intellect, words, feelings, intuition, compassion, capacity to seek knowledge, to create, destroy and to give and receive love.  We are the children of the great ones, honored ancestors, and the children of our Gods, whether they be Norse or other pantheons.

But as Norse/Germanic/Vanic/Baltic etc, one constant has remained clear time and time again: Our Gods do not require us to bow before them… we honor them by standing proudly, speaking clearly and honestly, and representing ourselves with honor and good frith.

Remember Bragi who so impressed the Gods he was made one of them- so too, we hold the same potential within us all.

Now, if our Gods are not asking us to bow before them-  why on Midgard would you bow before another human being?  I am not simply speaking of  just before leaders of countries, corporations, or idols of any sort; but any man or woman, period, including our own priests, priestesses, shamans, and chiefs.  There are no Heathen Gurus who will ask you to bow at their feet; and yet,   there are many in this world who I have heard claiming they are wolves in one breath while saying with the other that they are “not permitted” contact with others by some edict passed by which ever elder or Goethe they are speaking of at the time.

False, my little sheep.  Bow to no one,  anyone who says to you that you must have permission to interact with whom you choose is no friend of yours.  You are not wolves, you are falling victim to group-think…  keeping one’s religious practice private and secret is perfectly fine-  however, it is DANGEROUS to isolate yourselves at this point in history from your families, communities, and close your eyes to the world at large.

If you own a cell phone, a computer, a car, collect a paycheck, or have a bank account- nothing you do is ever truly private.   What I am seeing is our world community even outside of heathenry being intentionally divided against itself:  Tea party vs. the Occupy Movement.  Folkish verses Universalist verses Tribalist.

STOP.  Collaborate….and LISTEN:  A small, independent, isolated group is nothing more than a potential scapegoat for the powers that be in this government and others…. you are not saving yourselves by pretending to be survivalist- you are making yourselves unintentional targets for future censure, discrimination, and false persecution.   Prepare your bug out bags and be branded, my friends- all your preparations make you look like easy pickings when the fingers are pointed to the source of the next “terrorist” action- and, the next thing you know, you will find yourselves outmatched, outgunned, and helpless.

There is a single man loose in Boston today, and fully armored tanks are in the streets of Massachusetts.  It does not matter how many magazines you have stored, how much food, or how “private” you make yourselves- you are in danger.

I have said often in this blog that we need to UNIFY.  But I wonder who is listening?   Military leaders as far back as Sun Tzu, Boudicca, and Alexander the Great knew the best way to subjugate a society and conquer it’s inhabitants  is to have it divided against itself. Cyrus the Great unified the Persian empire by allowing the practice of all faiths within his borders, drew up the first codex for human rights, and
held one of the most ancient empires with a steady hand….and empire from which many of us are descended.

Here we are, I am hearing of Heathen groups where their members are told to withdraw from the community- they are being ordered who they may/may not speak with- where they may go, who they may associate with, what they are and are not to do.

This is NOT Heathenry. 

Again, we do not bow before any man or woman, we stand for our families, we were among the first traders, and our Gods roamed the realms in search of knowledge- they did not burrow in caves like frightened rodents.

How to be safe:  Make friends easily, exclude no one.  The more people you know and who know you in good frith, the less likely it is you will be a target for being “anti-social”.  Practice being honorable with your words, thoughts, and actions.   People of poor quality will make you their enemy; but far more people will see your worth as friend, they will know you by your hospitality, the truth of your words, the strength of your commitments, and your ability to honor promises made.

There are numerous platitudes out there that are appropriate for this moment: “Those who stand for nothing will fall for anything”, “Those with no secrets tell no lies,” “If you have enemies, good- it means you stood for something.”

Fuck this:  Here is an entire PAGE of quotes on the matter found HERE.

Basically, what this boils down to is as follows:  Finding people of like mind, like background, and similar values is FANTASTIC- however, it stunts your emotional and spiritual growth if you deny yourself the opportunity to make an effort to understand people who are not like you.  Instead of fearing this- embrace it.   History has proven that by sharing our practices and beliefs with other cultures and people allow them to record us in their histories as well as our own- thereby further preserving our cultural heritage.

We do not dilute our personal spiritualities by expressing our truths without fear to the world- and if you have fear regarding your values and belief systems, perhaps you should re-examine your motivations and purpose for that belief.  If you fear losing friends for speaking the truth, losing family for being honorable, then those you lose do not deserve you.

My own family is divided right now by the tea party movement, by differing thoughts on government, and other useless things that we cannot control- and yet, they do not wish for reconciliation despite remembering times of love and peace in the past.  This is true for the larger world and should be our greatest shame and sadness.

There are people in this community and within my own family who DESPISE me who were once close- yes, it hurts me deeply, but I would also welcome reconciliation with most for the highest good.
However, this is with the exception of those who intentionally spread deliberate lies- those people are of no use to anyone, not the Gods, not the Folk, and I trust in my faith and my Gods that those who cause division will find the divine names they call on with bad intentions in their hearts fall to judgement of their Gods and despair over their frithless actions.

If you see injustice and say nothing, you are culpable by your silence as well.  If you witness someone gaslighting another person and you know the truth to be different, you are honor bound to speak up.

If you see an Oath being broken, approach the Oathbreaker directly then go together to find the solution- do not turn your back on your brothers and sisters, you do not know what pain they live in.

If your fear is because you hold a truth that is unpopular, (such as being a Lokian), you do your Gods no Honor in your silence.

If your fear is that you will be judged for your prejudice, then I suggest that perhaps you may wish to reconsider that prejudice or share it- intuition can be the first warning to find cover for an impending storm.

What I want to emphasize most is that in Heathenry/Asatru/ et all is that YOU are responsible for YOUR own actions.  YOU are the LEADER of yourself-  If you follow a Goethe, Gythia, Priest, Priestess, Elder, Chieftan, or Shaman who is asking you to isolate yourself, you are in the wrong place- separation is the precursor to being controlled….  the exact thing that you are likely being warned against in the first place.

By the words of Tyr, find your own voice-  find your own truths- find your own way to the Gods, and share your knowledge, wisdom, and creativity as widely as you possibly can.

Share your voice, raise the horn high at sumbel….and if you do not wish to hail what another has spoken, you can exempt yourself from their wyrd simply by either taking a small unobtrusive step backwards, or by crossing your arms and looking downward and not echoing their Heil/Hail with your own.

There have been things I have seen at sumbel I have wanted no part of such as: I have seen Sumbels where Oaths have been made to kill one’s own relatives, who have hailed Himmler, or the author of the Turner Diaries.   You can still share a horn without sharing their sentiments.

Every single person you meet holds wisdom within them-  you can speak to the foreigner and the racist on the same couch and find points of commonality.

We are a large and extraordinarily diverse community- making us into one standard religion will fail.

There is room for everyone at the table….and no one knows what color Odin will make his skin should he knock on your door and ask for hospitality.  Our Gods are shapeshifters as well as ancestors- our Gods are greater than us and inspire us to greatness- not to cowardice.  We hold within our veins the blood and strength of infinite generations of people who honored our Earth and our Universe- who were at one with the cycles of the year- and worshiped our same Gods as we do today.    Even if the gap of the lies of false religions and false governments held your family in bondage for centuries- the Spirit of our Heathen ancestors still flourished- if even if it was in one simple family tradition passed on through centuries, a saying, a recipe, a tradition, or even a hex….and this is true for all cultures- No matter where you hail from, there are Gods of your ancestors who call to you.

Each of you holds something unique from our ancestors- a key, another puzzle piece to greater understanding of our world around us-  to hide yourself is to deny your own worth and to insult the Gods by not using the gifts you have been given.

I am a writer.  This is what I do- I am also a Gythia…. I will advise you, but I will never command you; my job is to be the servant of the needs of the community- It is to sacrifice myself to say what needs to be said and to hold back when necessary to keep peace.   I am a Lokian, I am Tyrian, and most importantly, I am a daughter of Odin and I am calling for peace and unification.  I am calling to an end of division, an end to strife, and an end to meaningless conflicts regarding petty things.

UPG- Old or new, should be respected with equal courtesy.  A man who saw a burning bush became the founder of a religion.   A woman who met Loki at a Moravian college campus is now writing this blog which is seen internationally with each and every single post.

YOU are responsible for yourselves, your families, and the health of the greater community.   As Heathens, we should never claim to hold the reigns to the “best” religion- but rather- our religion is an essential part of the diversity of all religions on Earth and beyond- we have a contribution that is necessary and essential to the future of our world.

….and if that contribution is nothing else, may our contribution be to tell the entirety of the world to NEVER bow down, For each man and woman to rule themselves and hold themselves at equal value to every other human on this Earth.  To take no shit, and to listen DIRECTLY to our Gods- not our so-called leaders, false friends, governments, corporations, or anyone else who would subjugate you into slavery to another human made of flesh and blood.

If you feel you MUST bow, then bow to the Gods alone- no man or woman can be greater than your equal.

If you feel you must be a slave, be a slave to Truth, Justice, Honor, Fidelity, and Frith.   Serve your community, but most of all- Serve your Gods so that they may come to know you by your Honor, and that They will approach you with open hands to grant you knowledge, serenity, and bravery as it is needed.

Look to your leaders and elders as examples- both for bad and for good; but keep your own council.

I honor Odin who brought me, Loki who taught me, and Tyr who leads me.   All I pray is that I can honor Odin with sharing what I can with all of you; Honor Tyr in sacrifice and having the strength to sometimes serve as a human dartboard, and Honor Loki- the speaker of the uncomfortable truths- I pray that my words were as clear as Os, as wise as Ansuz, and as straight as Tiwaz.

Hail to our Gods, Hail to our Folk, and Hail to Truth, Unity, and Justice- may it be served in this realm as in all others.

It is Never Too Late To Be Honorable.

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 11, 2013 by Tyrienne
Hugin

Huginn (thought), Muninn (memory), and the eye of Odin.
Artist unknown

One of the defining characteristics of modern Christianity I absolutely despise is the idea of instant forgiveness of sin.   A man can lie, cheat, steal, and at the end of the day, say a couple of magical words to a great beardy man in the sky and he is forgiven:  No need to recompass  to who he has harmed, his slate is wiped clean.

So, it remains also true in Islam- another major faith- that by saying the Shahada (There is no god but Allah and Muhammad is his prophet)- so too, that person is assuaged of all guilt, given a clean slate by their god and they can carry forth born anew in a new life of Islam.

Both religions leaving countless victims without recompense in their wake.

To further compound the damage of such actions, it became fashionable to pass off all dishonorable action by claiming “The devil made me do it.” or, by even more commonly claiming that the wronged party is some kind of heretic and karmatically deserving of false accusation and all that goes along with such things- since “They likely did something else to deserve it anyway.”

Is this the way these religions were intentioned to be practiced?  Most likely not.  However, I will tell you that current trends in Heathenry, especially regarding Loki in the United States are following the same disturbing and dishonorable pattern….both from my own personal experiences as well as the experiences of others who may be Lokians/Rokkr or what ever other flavor of non-accepted target group may be disregarded at the time.

Along with the falsely hyper-masculan image that many associate with Heathenry, so to comes the same bravado that believes that apologies for one’s actions make one seem “weak” in the face of other heathens.  Heathenry draws people in for its appearance of rawness, back-to-basics frith, honor, and simplicity- but how much thought is actually put into the concept of the word “honor”?   We are no longer able to solve our problems by taking our weapons outside and allowing our skill and the will of the Gods solve our conflicts for us by who remains standing.  For those of you who failed to notice, the year is 2013, not 1013.

So here we come to what is necessary for the continuation of our religion as something distinct from all other available options.  The idea of personal accountability.   Which, ironically enough, Loki has shown in several stories.  When he thought it funny to shave off Sif’s golden hair, when he found he did harm- he apologized in action by the giving of gifts to most of the Aesir.   When it seemed that by the help of Svaðilfari that our Gods would lose Freyja, Mani, and Sunna-  Loki sacrificed himself to distract the great stallion and bore the consequence of pregnancy- It was Loki’s idea to ask for aid in building Valhalla- and it was Loki who took the burden (literally) so that nothing was lost when things did not seem to be going as planned- and furthermore, the fruit of that was Sleipnir- the result of Loki’s pregnancy- which was given to Odin as a Mea Culpa of sorts for the distress caused- even though the outcome in the end was positive.

I, myself apologize frequently-  there are times when I absolutely am well within my right to flyte others- and I take those opportunities, but say far less than I could.  Generally speaking, if I confront someone with their own flaws- I say it directly to them, and also- I hold most of what I COULD say back.  Not for later ammunition, but rather, because I believe the punishment should fit the damage done.  If I have the capability to destroy someone with words, I will not take it- but also know that I Never say everything that I know.  I know what I say, I make certain what I say is appropriate- then I stop.   Not because I am weak, but because I know that in Honor I am not permitted to destroy any human being, regardless of what they may do to me… I may only point out the contradictory nature of their actions- then I am stopped.

I suppose this is another one of those Tyrian limitations.  The ability to flyte as Loki- but only when I am perfectly justified in doing so.  It causes me pain, I would rather flatten those who hurt me, knowing I have access to words that can basically destroy anyone I wish- but no means to use them is like having a cloak that allows you to fly-exactly 2 feet above the ground.

There was an incident within the past year where my fiancee informed me that when a married woman was pursuing him, that she informed another member of his former kindred of her intentions.   Out of my anger and pain in the situation, I threw this information at his goethe at the time….and in turn, the woman blamed me for falsely accusing her; despite the fact that I had gotten the information from my fiancee who received no blame.  Furthermore, when it turned out ALL information regarding the situation was being distorted by the dishonorable wife- no apologies were made despite the goethe himself Oathing to me before Odin himself that if he found that what my fiancee and I said of her intentions towards infidelity to be true, we would both receive personal apologies.

Since that time, it has been unmistakably proven that my fiancee and I were absolutely in the right- the dishonored wife in question appears to not be apart of the community any longer;  yet, no apologies have been granted.   Why?  Because it has also been said that some fear “losing face” in doing so.

How can a person possibly lose face for admitting that they are fallible and human?  Do the Gods see upholding lies as honorable, making excuses, and dehumanizing the victims of the situation as correct?  Am I simply a “Lokian” who caused the chaos in the first place.

No.

I am a human being who happened to get in the way of scheming, dishonorable woman who had selfish intentions and no regard for the wyrd of her community nor the oaths made to her husband and kindred.  Being “Lokian” has no bearing on the situation- in fact, in also being Tyrian- it would indicate even more strongly that justice should be served since many in that kindred venerated Him at one time- and Tyr is keeper of justice in our faith.

You cannot take me as Lokian without also acknowledging my oaths to Tyr if you know me.

I take this time to publicly apologize to the woman I accused of being complicit in the attempt to allow a married woman to dishonor her husband- for I did not know that my fiancee was also lied to about what she was told by the same dishonorable woman.

Yet, we also are not blameless-  for all my pleading, my fiancee never spoke to her husband directly regarding her advances towards him…. fearing loss of his home at the time (he rented a room from them), and shortly thereafter, all lines between him and the wronged husband were severed.   The only thing that stopped me from going to the husband directly was Odin himself asking me to keep my peace- which hurt- for I would NEVER want to find myself in the same situation as that poor man.  The truly innocent parties in this innocent are first- the wronged husband- and secondly, myself and my fiancee who were extensively lied about.

But, we are Rokkr- therefore- unworthy of recompense or apology perhaps?   How many times do people wrong another and pray for time to wash away the damage?  Can you accidentally shoot an arrow into your neighbor and think that since he was able to break off the shaft- that the point would eventually dissolve into the flesh and not still be a problem?  That is dishonor-  it does not wash away and grind down like a pebble in a river-  it remains like a blade in the offended party; a reminder of hurt that returns with similar memories.

…and the best that the aggrieved can do is hope that the offender has enough of a soul to be haunted by their false accusations, disbelief, and deeds (or lack there of).

Several years ago my best friend and I had a falling out that lasted for 7 years.  At the time of the first argument, he was a drug abuser with a fiancee who caused him to live two separate lives- one in secrecy from her (dishonorably) and one where he pretended to be the man she desired him to be (also a falsehood).  For years, almost like clockwork, we would stalk one another online and create an argument that would last for days over nothing at all- while he claimed “not to care” for me- as I pointed out that several hundred instant messenger messages speaks to the contrary.

In the end of all things, he found a much more suitable bride- one with which he was able to be his true self- and he apologized- for a solid 20 minutes for everything, including incidents and harmful words he said that I had forgotten, and I was in tears- and incredibly grateful.   It showed no weakness on his part- but rather strength that he was able to hold himself accountable for his actions.   He never once said “The drugs made me do it,” but rather “I was on drugs at the time, and I am sorry for that as well.”  It also erased much of a burden I carried for years.

From our reconciliation, I believe that those who are dishonorable in action are haunted by the harm that they cause with isolated exceptions of clinical sociopathy or extreme narcissism.

I have been called Lokian, chaotic, insane, and just about any other dehumanizing thing one can throw at another person- however, if I am truly so insane- then how can I possibly write a clear, coherent blog that still gains followers?  If I am so chaotic, then why is my life mostly peaceful day to day?  Also, I have been accused of being a “leech” for being on disability-  but how can I be a “leech” when I have paid into the system myself since I was 15 years old, often holding two to three jobs concurrently, and my condition is so unpredictable that I cannot interact with other people face to face for days at a time?  I can assure you it is not “your” money- nor am I getting rich (far from it).

If you would like to place blame I would look more towards the trillions in military spending each week than to attack the disabled with unnecessary vitriol towards programs and illnesses you do not understand.  I would not wish my life experiences or illnesses on anyone- but also, it is my right that I do not need to disclose my life story for anyone’s approval, first of all; and second, my income affects the lives of none of my accusers…despite the inane complaining of the tea-party mentality.

What I suffer from is not contagious-PTSD-  a fault of the memory that causes old hurts to seem new over and over again.  So, where most people have the luxury to forget, my long-term memory stores each hurt perfectly rendering my short term memory useless in exchange.  Hardly madness- but extraordinarily difficult to live with, and impossible to work with when triggers are difficult to determine.

There are days where I wish that people who have harmed me are haunted by their actions in their dreams- that they are reminded and shamed by their actions as much as I am forced to remember them….but I realize the most I can hope for is an occasional twinge of guilt which is quickly discarded or trampled into submission in favor of more immediate matters.

But also, I know that I can be healed of some pain by apology- and I grant forgiveness pretty readily.  However, I do not suffer the company of those who have wronged me or my loved ones well at all.   I do not suffer hypocrites or liars-  If they claim Odin or Tyr as patrons, I especially raise an eyebrow.

Actions I have done or my fiancee have been accused of recently have all been discomforts with personal practices that truly do not affect any other individual.   What Gods we choose to worship have no bearing on the lives of anyone else outside of our own.   We still hail the Aesir, the Vanir, and yes, even a few from other pantheons who we have become close to.  We are not universalists- but we do not judge others for their choices in who to honor.   Thomas Jefferson once stated the crime is only committed when the fist strikes.

There is no crime in worship, but there is crime in curses thrown in spite.
There is no crime in thought, but there is crime in willful ignorance.
There is no crime in blindness, but accountability will be forced upon those by the Gods themselves who choose to close their eyes to the needless suffering of others when it can be prevented.

If I can pray for anything at all this afternoon- it would be an apology letter.   I have been silent against so many things done to me over the years that there are likely dozens of people who could craft one, and any honest, detailed, and heart felt apology for any suffering caused  is one step in erasing some of the pain I live with daily.

I am an intelligent woman.  Some people hurt me for fear that I had the information to destroy their self-illusions, reputations, and ultimately their lives.  They felt in hurting me it would “keep me in my place.”

No, I chose not to destroy you because *I* am honorable, I value my own honor, and I do not attack unless provoked; and even then I match blow for blow- instead of allowing a tower of lies and self-aggrandizement to ruin an entire community over the actions and misdeeds of a misguided  few who feel heathenry is an excuse for acting like an uncouth barbarian and dressing in silly costumes in an attempt to connect to the “old ways”.

The old ways involved a system of checks and balances- it involved personal accountability, honesty, frith, and the desire to keep the greater community together rather than rendering it into pieces over disagreements that mean nothing.   It was about undoing harm that was done, paying the cost of a life to the family of the dead when a life was taken, regardless of the issue.  It was not about what you wear, who you impress, and who you claim as your personal gods.

We all have our personal beliefs and spirituality- and that’s just it- our beliefs are personal, meaning that my belief system has no bearing on what you choose to believe except that my belief system does not allow for discrimination based on who you pay homage to….  You can be giving offerings to Sutr, Jesus, Baphomet, Satan, or Cthulhu for all I care…. I don’t.

…and in this, yes, I am better than some of you who choose to pick enemies for the mere sake of wishing to have some force to fight against rather than even make an attempt at peace, understanding, and diplomacy.

Please take your horned helmets and your giant hammers elsewhere,  You are not going to be walking onto a dragonship to pillage anything anytime soon.  You will never be given the opportunity to fight with live steel against people you disagree with. You can wear all the costumes you like, but your dedication to historical accuracy (or lack thereof) is no indication of your dedication to the Gods, Truth, or Personal Honor.

Please join me in attempting to show Heathenry as respectable a faith as any in this century by the return of honor and accountability to humankind-  not crap about whose imaginary friend is “enemy” of your own.

I can assure you the Gods do not battle in such ways among themselves- and if you would lift your eyes from the stories of the past to commune with the Gods of the present, you will find I am sincere and truthful…and my UPG is no more or less credible than any other.