Archive for the About me Category

A Letter…Entirely Religious, Technically.

Posted in About me on October 17, 2019 by Tyrienne

O, My dear Friends
For though I might be maybe

Turned outside. In;

…Strange to Some…

…Worshiping of danger…
So reckless

Perhaps, someday soon,I’ll have no need for strangers

to validate me,

…run my life

Suddenly and vanish

This…All this Is.

Are just my inner monologues.

Secret. against forgetfulness

Stop.

Sweet holy Texts

…Dont mislead me

Divine, clever Fox: clarify inner images.

For only If I follow You, help me Understand All of this,

Every sacred message
Until the /end of days.

🦊

The seasons change quickly here although this storm is really not my migraines. Hopefully, things are up… I dare to be cautiously optimistic.

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You can find me

Posted in About me on September 23, 2019 by Tyrienne

If I directed you to this blog, here is a copy and paste I wrote a while ago; It’s still mostly accurate-ish:

Here is where to find more resources on Odinism:
To educate yourself easily, first, read this:

“The Odin Brotherhood” by Mark Mirabello: http://www.odinbrotherhood.com/library-free-pdf-files.html
I always suggest the Teachings of the Odin Brotherhood. A short, but good read. (They also have a forum you can find via Google search)

Now here is the Havamal
http://www.pitt.edu/~dash/havamal.html

Here are the Eddas:
https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=http://www.woodharrow.com/images/ChisholmEdda.pdf&ved=0ahUKEwjuzOKriYzUAhVCTSYKHeoABBUQFghbMAU&usg=AFQjCNHOaYvmJj9H9Kl0brOqnuTqWKAFfg&sig2=cV4W3tZzfGAWV8aytjLtvQ

Here are our Furthark Runes
http://www.sunnyway.com/runes/meanings.html

Extended Futhorc Runes
http://www.northernshamanism.org/the-futhorc-runes.html

And here is the added 9 noble virtues of the Asatruar (*Not unanimous for all Odinists*)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nine_Noble_Virtues

That is a pretty good start. Generally, once you have read the above, you literally know more about our religion than half of the people who claim to practice it. 🐺😂⬆

(A little background I am an Odinist chaplain; Both a Gythia as well as one of the only of our faith to actually hold a Theology degree. We do not convert by nature, the Gods reach out to our people I believe and lead them back to our ancestral faiths.)

If you are looking for organizations…

Sorting hat of Odin says: “Liberals go Troth, Conservatives AFA.”

Other than the Odin Brotherhood which has no meetings and countless kind Pagan organizations where Heathens mingle with Druids, Wiccans and other paths, I do not yet know of a nonpartisan national or international exclusively Heathen religious organization yet. However, if one is forming I would like to help support it… let me know. Our country was founded on the freedom of separation of Church and State, it seems I am not alone in feeling tired of our religion being divided by opinions on American elections. Political issues are temporary- our Gods are timeless.

And that is a good start… I am happy to help where I can, sometimes I get a bit overwhelmed and may be offline for extended periods.

Gratitude and Boring Updates

Posted in About me on May 14, 2019 by Tyrienne

Thank you kindly- to everyone who has read and followed this blog while I have been absent from writing.

A bit wordy- but you get the point.

Anyhow- I have been doing well and finding happiness by staying off the metaphorical radar so to speak; this is a dangerous time for editorialists, and really, anyone who possesses strong opinions. In this time where oversharing has unforeseen consequences- as evident by most social media- I would like to dispell the thought that everything needs to be recorded and preserved for posterity….despite being a hypocrite and posting about my own thoughts 🙂

Those without social media accounts are somewhat socially invisible- I prefer translucence; I am posting nothing much of consequence (before today, I suppose.)

My health, overall, seems to be improving- I changed my healthcare system and my migraines are mostly under control every few weeks of my time depending on how my shots are scheduled. The shots are terrible, there are 30 of them.

Medical Cannabis has dramatically reduced my anxiety and instances of flashbacks.

I constantly marvel on how I can actually choose my own strains now and have actual preferences to my medication. I feel like I am performing 1800’s pharmacology as I gain more practice in combining strains for the greatest functionality- it has been a Godsend.

I also still swim every day I am able- I had a flu type illness for the last two weeks and only got back into the water again yesterday. Perhaps it’s the familiarity of her name, but I still feel an inexplicable connection to Rán, while I swim I just pray to her- describing my life to Her and what I would like to change for the better. It is a bit like talking to an elder family member where you have a relationship on mutual respect and affection.

This seems to be a rather healthy form of transference to me- I have very little interaction with my own family at this point and it seems to directly coincide with my improved mental state.

I have had an active season with two different orchestras: The Reading Philharmonic and the Albright Sinfonia. I now serve on the board of the former.

I have now been playing the viola for three years; I still can only rarely accomplish vibrato, but my tone is improving. I also play the violin passably and I am beginning to make sense of the cello. I also have a great new viola teacher who really inspires me- I met her after my friend Rose passed away- and I feel a connection between those two events in a benevolent new-age sort of way.

Also, the tie-dye thing is going well despite minimal effort- I work around my migraines and chronic pain. I am still wiped out much of the time, but I am working with better doctors to hopefully return more functionality to me.

Despite objectively having more healthy, wholesome activities in my life- I still am frustrated by my health limitations and short attention span, however, I believe addiction to the internet is the primary problem. Not that there is anything particularly relevant…spending hours scrolling is a waste of life- however, it fills a social need without the complication of actually interacting with people.

Eventually, as a culture, we will recognize how unhealthy the internet has been towards social interactions- and at that point, I will be lumped in with the majority of humans who would likely evident some withdrawal symptoms. I know for the scattered days we lose a cell phone tower to storms. Even if I do write occasional editorials, I think we can do without the internet in its present form. I am increasingly convinced the internet itself has a consciousness and that consciousness is not kindly predisposed to humanity.

Then again, I am pretty happy with my social life. I have close long-term friends I speak to near daily, and my favorite conversationalist is my husband- who is silent outside of the house but speaks constantly when we are alone together- on every possible topic.

Over the past two years, I have also learned to let go of people who put me down. Being talked down to constantly is a burden on the spirit. Being insulted and disrespected is not all in good fun, instead, I lean towards friends and family to whom I can be mutually supportive, I have even “traded in” some friends for others; Pretty much anyone who put me down in favor of people who build people up.

Generally, the “Arch-enemies” of negative people tend to not care about the people of their past who obsess over them- because they have moved on to live fairly wholesome bucolic lives of their own… and I decided that was more of what I wanted in my own life. Quiet, supportive, and beautiful life with very little interpersonal conflict.

Spiritually, I have been focusing on gratitude- for my beautiful life, home, husband, animals- and appreciating as much as I can to fight off feelings of anxiety. There a few people I wish I were closer to- mostly women around my own age of similar interests, but I am working on being social in a healthy- sort of way.

Despite all of this- my biggest hurdle outside of my health is my feeling of “not doing enough”- to see most of what I am working to accomplish written shows it looks like I do more than I feel like I do- especially including the amount of time I spend on the phone fixing misbilled home utilities and arguing with our insurance company since they decided to no longer pay a terrible local health system for their lackluster service (hence, our transfer).

I feel like I have personally progressed a great deal in slowly coming back from clinical agoraphobia. Hopefully, this will be the continuation of an upward trend.

However, I will always feel lazy until I write a book. Even if no one would read it, I still feel like I should write one.

Managing PTSD with Cannabis: My first cannabis industry article!

Posted in About me on January 13, 2019 by Tyrienne

Except for one more minor revision, here is the article I wrote for Monroeblvd.com on managing PTSD symptoms with Cannabis.

The owner/editor of the website is absolutely fantastic and has really been thorough and positive with his suggested edits over the drafts of writing this piece.

I hope this is the first of a respectable career writing professionally in an industry I care deeply about:

https://www.monroeblvd.com/blogs/marijuana-effects/managing-ptsd-with-marijuana

Happy 2019! Random updates…

Posted in About me on January 8, 2019 by Tyrienne

The reason I have not been writing as often on this blog simply that my health and life have been improving overall leading to a busier schedule.

Last year, it was discovered my synaestesia and much of my depression was actually sourced from a chronic migraine condition. I have responded exceptionally well to standard treatments of triptans, gabapentin, medical cannabis, and botox injections to the crown, neck and shoulders.

I also have rescue medications for breakthrough headaches as well as a protocol at the local urgent care for emergency Toredol, needed about once every month or two.

…As a result, my activity level has increased significantly allowing me to pursue more meaningful activities over staring blankly at my phone, immobile with what I now know was simply pain.

It is fascinating that I had zero concept I was even in pain until I felt what it was like to suddenly be without it.

I spent the better part of the last year in trial and error migraine treatments, painted my ceilings black to help (it does!), and fluctuated between days of brilliant productivity and finding myself absolutely crippled by side effects of migraine medications.

However! I finally found some excellent specialists an hour away and now my migraines are fairly under control. I believe the worst part was not knowing, being misdiagnosed with everything from narcolepsy to fibromyalgia, when really, all I had wrong was a badly healed neck fracture and ‘a perfect storm’ of other individually mild conditions that all contributed to the migraine issue, including allergies, the wrong prescription glasses, and the understanding of the link between stress triggers for my PTSD overlap with my migraine triggers.

In the Autumn I survived a pretty severe eye injury that required an ER visit, an ophthalmologist, and a very good lawyer. I now own transition lens glasses that cost more than most of my former vehicles… the lenses tinted specifically for headaches and correcting other vision abnormalities I was not aware of beforehand.

The difference is tremendous. I highly recommend not visiting mall eyecare centers in favor of real, highly skilled specialists if you also endure terrible natural eyesight. The selection of frames in store is smaller, but I found frames I like for under a Benjamin to hold those expensive corrective lenses.

My glasses were so expensive because I literally got the “everything but the kitchen sink” package… which is good, I stepped on them the first week I had them and paid nothing to get the lenses replaced since I invested in insurance coverage for my clumsiness.

Otherwise, I now play the viola in three orchestras, two in Reading, and one in Allentown as weather permits.

I also somehow managed to get on the board of directors of the Reading Philharmonic; which is a really fantastic thing since I am finally using my Americorps Vista experience with the non-profit sector in a productive capacity. I never thought that would happen, but I am proud of this accomplishment, especially coming out from clinical agoraphobia for a few years.

Ed and I joined a gym where I can finally swim, and I do, daily, for one to two hours every day, and finally, I was just scouted to write editorials for a dispensary website; I am in the process of working with their editor to get my first article up shortly.

Otherwise, my tie dye is doing well, I am getting out more than I have in years, and feel pretty great overall.

Enough to live in a house that warm, safe, and clean (except for husky fluffs we sweep out daily)

I have finally surrounded myself with positive, supportive people and our little animal sanctuary here in Exeter is a pretty chill place. Our family of rescue animals is four cats, two dogs, and a snake.

Ed has his rabbits we purchased for $25 each who work as great vegetable garbage disposals/fertilizer producers.

Also, they got out a few times and in total we found homes for 43 baby rabbits before we were able to finally stop the neighborhood kids from leaving their hutch open.

Our wild rabbits are pretty remarkable cross of Flemush giant and Pennsylvania wild bunny. Our local rabbit population is likely giving our local predator population high cholesterol.

Our garden resulted in an epic growing season that resulted in baking and selling an awful lot of pumpkin pies, but hey, I learned a skill.

I also finally learned how to make a loaf of bread from scratch that is good enough to use for sandwiches.

So, when I am not on here, I am just enjoying being productive, not in pain, and just striving to live the most fulfilling life possible.

Today, I am recovering from a sinus infection thing I accrued after my root canal, so this post is simply burning off the prednisone here so I can be more focused to concentrate on my upcoming article.

I promise, if my editorial becomes published, I will post the link…and if it does not get published, I will still post it here somehow since I am incredibly proud of it as one of my best pieces I have ever created.

Overall, I feel positive and content. My episodes of PTSD on average now last four days or less, and I finally feel like life is falling into a solid, healthy pace. Having accessible medical marijuana has also been essential to my continuing recovery of both my mental and phtsical health.

I am presently on 60mg of Charlotte’s Web CBD oil, and even with this cold, I still feel well enough to want to go to the pool. (Or that could also be the prednisone, or both.)

I hope your 2019 holds as much promise and positive energy as I have experienced, and if not yet, I hope it happens for you soon!

-Ren

A Different Timeline

Posted in About me on January 6, 2019 by Tyrienne

My Latvian grandfather died prior to my birth. As I get older, I think about him often.

I learned more about him in college and from random strangers than I ever did my own family. A military officer, known for his intelligence, rigidity, and obsession with propriety and order: he was admired, respected, trusted, and most of all, intellectually brilliant and infamously resourceful.

My family has said he was difficult to live with; his standards were excruciatingly high and so were his resentments towards anyone who fell short.

The benign thing about his untimely death prior to my birth is there are no negative experiences in my memory. When I was a child, he was simply a headstone in a November cemetary where few flowers grew.

He planted the black tulips in the yard and painted his home (my childhood home) the same green as his first military uniform.

Before the war he was an olympic level athlete, a competitive man in both skiing and shooting in his native Latvia.

He was multilingual, spoke English with a clear, British accent, and survived an incredible life serving multiple militaries. He survived the invasion of his home, the most difficult military training of his era, endured as a POW, and finally found safety (at least for a few decades) here in the United States where he found himself unexpectedly in a civilian life; channeling his frustrated energies into working multiple jobs to support his family hybridizing African violets and raising tropical fish in his spare time.

He was the only person on this Earth who held my mother accountable for anything whatsoever.

In my childhood, she told me all the ways he would have hated me. My grandmother, and those who knew him painted an opposite picture; that there are small fragments of genetic memory that reflect his memory in my adaptability and moments of pride.

My mother also lied to me, about me, beat me, subjugated me, starved me and treated myself and my grandma like her personal slaves.

During my bad days, I lose my forgetfulness. Today my brain was not kind to me.

Did grandpa survive PTSD as well? I survived hell, and I have enough facts to know without question he survived and thrived through much worse than I could possibly begin to comprehend.

But yet, his mind never failed him as my brain fails me with my flashbacks that involve no wars, no witnessing death first hand, nor decades of the constant threat of assassination.

Part of his endurance was the product of extensive education, indoctrination, and the consequence of any lack of vigilance during his military years would have been his death.

He died young, however, he was extraordinary in how long he managed to survive circumstances so adverse that he spent the last years of his life searching for knowledge of spirituality…sunlight through clouds in illuminatined shafts of light wa proof of divine communication;and every church a disappointment in the lack of a message to which his life could reflect.

Grandpa may have been many things- a man of the benign, placid Christianity of forgiveness and simpering on his knees before a divine sheep herder was not it.

In his Latvia, there was panpolytheism. Local nature gods (Dīevas) under a greater sky-God (Dīev or Zīu)

This is why I associate him with Tyr; if he lived to see Asatru begin it would have easily both fascinated and frustrated him.

He may have dismissed it entirely or embraced it completely to the point of resentment of those who hold to our ancestral beliefs only carelessly, half heartedly, and inaccurately.

In this life, there is very little chance I will know.

No public textbook has his name, and I am not even entirely sure that the name I know was his birth name.

What I do know: being his granddaughter, for a very short few years of my adult life, created bizarre opportunities for me for a very short period of time. I regret not using that window more carefully to research him when I could.

Maybe one day I can; and perhaps I will be appalled or disappointed.

Perhaps… my idealation would be reinforced.

I have written countlessly about flashbacks, but not so much my positive imaginings.

I imagine if he were given the time to be in my life he would have been stern and provided structure to my upbringing. He would have advocated for my education and nurtured my intelligence.

He would have not only encouraged every recognition and accomplishment, he would have been in the audience for every award. For every opportunity presented that slipped through my fingers growing up of camps for the gifted or early admissions denied to me; it would not have been a question of my participation, but a proud expectation that I would have been taught his meticulous nature and inherited his composure by example.

“She is my granddaughter, she succeeds because I taught her myself.”

My education would have been the highest priority. I would have earned his affection with my test scores. He would have stood up for me, kept those that harmed me from affecting me so deeply, if it meant he would raise me himself in his retirement.

The failures of my teenaged parents would have been offset with a role model that nurtured my strengths and taught me greater emotional resilience.

But, I never did know him. I only have stories, a few photographs, and the small traces he left behind in my grandmother’s home. I have never seen video of him, heard his voice, nor seen his thoughts written.

Like me, he was both loved and despised in equal measure. Unlike me, his mind and emotions were said to be exquisitely trained into complete obedience to his will leading to exceptional ability in observation and, as a result, intuition.

I would not have cried for violin nor piano lessons; he respected the arts. Instead of feelings of resentment of every opportunity denied, I would possibly have grown to resent being forced to practice each day- that drills in memory, mathematics, language, and other important things would have not been a punishment, but an inspiration.

I could have grown up with him as the greatest role model, or an even greater villian who could have robbed me of all childhood joy in exchange for endless education without respite, but successful by his influence.

And through that resentment, I never would have known the fractured reality in which I was actually raised: punishments without reason, violence at the slightest provocation, and chaos with no dream of order.

Was he a violent man or taciturn? Would he have loved me or would he have disowned me?

If he had lived I would have been unrecognizable to my present self in this timeline.

Regardless, the one thing that had remained undisputed is I would have been better for it, without awareness of the traumas of this timeline.

And I would be ungrateful; and I would have no way to communicate from this timeline to that how fortunate I would have been; even if I only had his influence for few years or many.

Lastly, he never believed in saying the words “I love you” He did make it clear to all who knew him ‘either you feel it or you do not’, that the words are meaningless to a concept so profound and outside of human capability to articulate.

He loved my grandmother enough to know to call her every medical emergency or accident within minutes. That is impressive considering the lack of cell phones of his time period.

Without love, he wouldn’t have cared enough to call even if he were informed. She never recovered from his death and she dreams of him often.

I only dreamt of him twice. Once where I watched him repair the electric of a hospital where I was overnight, his only words, “So…you are my granddaughter”

The other dream he sat behind a dark desk in a white room in his lieutenants’ uniform as he asked me questions on my philosophies, interview style, until he smiled at the very end of the dream indicating he approved of my manner of thinking.

The great thing about these fantasies is there is no true answers, but neither is there any trauma he can inflict upon me.

A dead man can hold no ability to inflict harm on the living by their own free will. The dead lose the active ability to effect change; even if history eventually reveals him as vile, corrupt, or malicious- my reality is unchanged by negative revelations of dead men I never met, just my understanding and my imaginings.

Only living people and circumstances wound us; to blame the dead is fallacious to project our own failures and faults away from ourselves.

In my thoughts, he was likely an honorable soul. If he was not, that was his own fault.

I will never meet him to know one way or the other.

 

However, I do know my grammar and spelling mistakes would be far less common.  One rare fact I own is his elocution was flawless, always.

New Etsy Store: Tiedye the American Folk Art

Posted in About me on October 10, 2018 by Tyrienne

I have been working hard over several months around my schedule of bad health and/or bad luck to create an Etsy shop with the purpose of generating some extra income for my family.

My goal is to purchase a good chicken coop with a run for a few laying hens… and also, I can really use a haircut.

Welcome to TwoMountainCreek

I picked the name literally because our property is creekside and between Mount Neversink and Mount Penn.

I have slow going in getting everything I want accomplished, but I am (mostly) proud of my work and I am always trying to add more as time and stamina allow.

Excellent tie dye is an American folk art. I am all for trying to make my tiny buisiness work. I upcycle thift store finds and occassional bulk purchase white t-shirts.

Yes, I do commissions and if you have suggestions on how to achieve some sales I am all ears. Each garment is washed several times and dyed with professional procion dyes.

These colors have yet to fade in any of the shirts I kept for myself, and I wear my own work as often as I can if I plan on being ‘out in the wild’…

Unfortunately, the only time I am out of the house lately is either orchestra or doctor appointments lately.

On the positive, I have friends coming by to help model for me! That should help since they . Miranda this weekend and my fellow Lokean Erik later this month if all goes well.

Here are some (but not all) of my designs for sale presently:

Support Heathen owned and operated buisiness: buy a shirt please!