Archive for November, 2016

Breathing Water.

Posted in About me on November 20, 2016 by Tyrienne

snow
It was two in the afternoon and the room was still dark except for lines of faint light at the edge of the heavy curtains- wind from the fan did little to drown out the staccato rap of the sleet outside.  With that sleet came memories unbidden- a red car on a black highway crawling through similar conditions and the truck, going ninety, that spun that car into the sound barrier.
Standing on that car, her best friend who had been estranged for three months prior grabbed her down and said “Don’t ever scare me like that again,” his hair was loose and so dark a red it seemed black- his bones was anorexic and strained looking in his skin.  She never should have worried- he assassinated her character with his own words immediately after that vignette and she would spend years wondering why he wanted to destroy her.

“Stop it.”  the road was now empty, and the ice had turned to snow which gently began to lay covering the shards of glass and debris flown from her trunk. “You don’t have to remember it like this.”
“But it’s the truth.  I didn’t get a degree in Philosophy to lie to myself-  I don’t choose to remember.  I get scared.  I then can’t remember what scared me, then I have to remember so I know that this,” she gestured to the car, “isn’t right now.”
“However, the problem is…you also have enough education to know everything is ‘right now’; that time is an illusion.  How does this help you?”
“It gives me answers.”
About six feet tall, sturdy, with a dark coat and fox-red hair, Loki looked utterly human- not a barbarian in furs nor a spandexed cartoon villain.
“The story is the goddess of snow herself got pissed off at me once- killed two of my kids, chained me to a rock with their intestines right in front of my wife, THEN had a had a snake drip venom in my eyes for an eternity just because I told the truth…  I am pretty traumatized by weather events myself.”
He sat down in the snow- the car had vanished as had all signs of the road- leaving nothing but the shadows of tall evergreens in the distances- black against white.  I sat beside him- feeling rather small as he looked off into the distance.
“But- although things do happen at once- they do not happen to the same person.  I am not the man tied to the rock, you are not the one in a crumpled Eclipse.  What do you recall from before impact?”
“As I hit the section of highway, I had a feeling I might die.  I prayed out loud to some Goddess, I don’t recall who- to protect me.”
“You had much better luck appealing to her good nature than I did,” he smiled wryly. “It isn’t so bad to have a healthy fear of some things.  Some of my best friends were snakes too, but I have to admit our relationship isn’t what it once was… all things taken into consideration.” He put his hand on my back- and it didn’t matter much that I had not seen him in a long while.  Then, other memories- new memories began to play.
Of an interrogation where the cruel face of the arresting officer was replaced by the cool visage of a cool expressionless raven-haired man in military uniform- his right wrist of his jacket expertly pinned and empty.
Of a blonde man who gave up fighting to protect a woman.
Of fierce ladies who judged the unjust and enacted hard punishment in the lives of those who lived dishonestly- usually unseen, who tipped the scales and manipulated karmatic retribution more effectively than any court or human vigilante.
“It is hard to see something specific when you are immersed in it.  A rock under still water looks no different to the drowning then the same object on dry land to the safe.  The rock is never the problem- the breathing of the water is. Remember to stop trying to breathe things that suffocate you.”

Not knowing what else to do, I wrote it down as I recalled.  I edited it sparingly, and wonder why something that seemed so long in my mind, took so few words on paper.  I am still in the dark room, afraid of the weather, but it isn’t so bad as long as I remember I am here, inside and safe.  Everyone is afraid of something- and the lore of my religion indicates I am in exceptionally good company.