Needless Acts of Frustration.

I am writing this on the tablet to justify to mysrlf whst a pain in the ass this is. I am not going to use spellcheck. The laptop arrives tomorrow,  ‘Garm’, its predassesor, is at rest, possibly forever.

Duct tape can’t fix a dying machine forever.

This is already brutal. This tablet was made for movies and puzzle games.

Anyeay, so you guys ask me yo write more… but here is the issue: I have NO idea what you want to read.,.

“Bueller… Bueller?…Bueller?!…” mentally, I hsve many ideas, but I have no idea if you want more Academic-type essays? fiction? UPG? Heathen-political commentary? Ancedotes of weird shit I’ve seen/exoerienced?

Life woukd be easier if I drew a web comic, guys. This is post 102 in three years. I try to update mostly-weekly lately. Over 120 people subscribed snd 23k hits either from possibly hundreds of people or a single Autistic child…absolutely insane, I am blown away.

Thank you so much for ceasing the death-threats over a year ago, they were annoying and a little frustrating.

Also,  congrats to Clifford Erickson for being the new folk builder in our region of the mid Atlantic for the AFA.  I still dont pay dues to anyone, but I cannot stress deeply enough for all people who interact with complete stranger’s in Heathenry to know the “national reps” for your region of both the Troth and AFA as well as other people of note in your immediate communities.  These people are valuable resources and a great place to refer those who are new to Heathenry or are currently facing religious descrimination and need advice.

I do not suggest doing so regarding Loki-worship, however… that I’m still around for in my snooty, intellectual-elitist way.  I am beginning to actually enjoy having both Tyr and Loki as personal archetypes to draw from for moral resources… However,  if there is ever a definition of a ‘cynic’ it would be anyone caught between Tyr and Loki.

I am amazed at all the intriguing people I still meet almost every day online and share deep, meaningful conversations. In a way, it really helps compensate for the person I lost in myself when my face to face extroversion left me.

In real life? I’m wearing comfy pants, a t-shirt, an oxford comma, and my super-clingy dog across my legs.  I’m awake most nights, health permitting, still doing the one-human Heathen advice chat and human google of the knowledge of the existence of useful people.

I can find a local Heathen meet-up group for almost anyone,  every where.  I have no idea how or when that occurred, but I noticed in keeping track of whom reads, shares, and/or comments… you become a resource to which I can refer others.

In true Lokean fashion, the most referrals are usually to people who personally despise me, and I don’t give a damn.  If you are knowledgeable on something I am not, I dont care if you “like” me.

Heathen elders, you have your job to help heathens. Maybe one day I will no longer have to add the disclaimer to all advice I give in this matter of:

“Do NOT TELL THEM IT WAS I WHO REFERRED YOU!”

I draw my resources of people from multiple communities of intelligent pagans, chaotes, intellectuals and clergy.  I dream of a world where I am surrounded with people more knowledgeable than I am… ( Like Myriad Lokandis).  The web that connects all pagan faiths is surprisingly strong- the key to finding the centers of all of it is not in public figures necessarily,  but rests on the shoulders of the observers who immerse themselves entirely in their spiritual practices without external motivations.

If you are looking for intellectual Lokeans on Facebook,  for instance- they are in “Chaos Magick” and Discordian groups. The key to your survival online in such environments are the “unfollow” and “b lock” buttons to remove the trolls, but once the protective skin is removed from such groups, the fruits of knowledge are mighty tasty if you can endure the Fnord.

Heathenry is becoming more accepted as a form of paganism,  and as this is occurring,  msny indigenous Heathens from Europe/European families are speaking up!

Excellent! I was really lonely!

I thank everyone for the support,  encouragement,  suggestions,  and kind words sent via this blog to me- thsnk you. You break my illusions that what I write is projected into ’empty space’, much like my old bound-paper journals.

Sometimes,  it is difficult to write. Mostly because I struggle with anxiety and agoraphobia which creeps sometimes into my online interactions.  It’s rather ironic. I feel like I spent ten years of my adult life traveling to visit people only now to be on the recipient.

It’s really nice… until I have to explain I have unpredictable anxiety-related car sickness.  No crazy diagnosis needed, it’s just how I am right now.  Then again, this car is fucking evil…. it attracts hit and run supermarket parking lot fiends.

Old people should be retested to drive every two years in a separate DMV, can we make that a Heathen initiative?

In conclusion. I asked Loki for help getting a new machine.
I received a scary letter demanding $900 on account of a mortgage error.
My husband lost his mind temporarily enough to take out a low apr loan.
The letter was not our responsibility, it turned out.

I got a laptop, paid off all the tiny little annoying debts that come with a new house, and I will hopefully get a new pair of running shoes so I do not shortchange the dog with the walking path she’s seen twice because I sm STILL (If I am sane & honest), not recovered from surgery quite yet.

I miss sleeping regularly. Irregular sleeping via passing out at random from my heart meds shouldn’t be something I look foreward to. 

If someone gave you the choice “Narcolepsy or more strokes”, I am pretty confident most would choose the same.  I just dearly wish the ‘passing out’ immediately coincided with 8 solid hours of deep, uninterrupted sleep at will.  The issue is mental silence: if I achieve it I sleep.

The greatest carrot on a stick ever, really. I literally cannot sleep if I need to write something…

…Please help me in suggesting what you guys WANT to read from me, I write anyway,  it’s what I do regardless. Even if I do not seem active ‘here’ at times, it just means I am writing something, somewhere else. (And likely on topics not interesting to this audience. Persian History, anyone? Birding? Physics? …how about memes about President Putin?)

As of the writing of this post, I am listening to VNV Nation which a devout Jewish friend suggested to me over a continuous 10 year friendship based on mutual tastes in music and empathy.  I currently co moderate three pages, one forum, and run two additional pages entirely alone.  One is nothing but wacky memes.

I thank Cory Barron for rocking as the best co-moderator I’ve ever had the pleasure of working with, my real life friends who are mostly Atheists, and my husband Ed who is a constant strength as well as sn objective enough critic to suggest when to put down my mighty metaphor stick I use to accidentally piss off bears by trying to clear cobwebs in otherwise unlit caves of dying Philosophies.

The dog sleeps 16 hours a day.  I counted.

image

Majestic stock photo!

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4 Responses to “Needless Acts of Frustration.”

  1. Vnv nation? I Love Vnv, seen them live. Awesome (^^).

  2. ladyimbrium Says:

    Putin memes make me happy in a weird way that I can’t quite describe. I’ve tried. I’ve noticed recently that my physical, face to face interaction with other pagans and especially heathens is starting to take over blog time. It’s also bloody hard to write posts on a kindle. I want a new laptop. Unfortunately, the money is currently earmarked for other things. Life. It is a real thing. I think.

    Don’t push yourself to recover any faster than your body is able. It’s not worth it.

    I, to answer your original question, am quite content with the blend of subjects you’ve already got going on. If I had a preference it would be to hear your comments and insights on some of the lesser known stories and sagas that baby heathens never seen to find the time to read… not that I’m guilty or anything… If you put one up that I haven’t read I promise to read it myself before commenting.

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