Regarding Searching for Land Ownership and Heathen Gods

This is likely in my price range- needs some work.

This is likely in our price range- needs some work…

We are (attempting) to purchase a home. From the first, things were going to be unusually difficult compared to anything else I’ve attempted.  The Gods love the industrious, and seem to be drawn to human situations that require a great deal of cleverness, patience, and most of all- hard, difficult labor.

I live in the United States- despite the misconception that home ownership is either the “American Dream” or the “American Nightmare”.  It remains possible still, with hard work, hard study, and oddly enough- puzzles and scavenger hunts.   There are caltrops everywhere- and every human I speak to has their own “nightmare” about purchasing homes.  I feel as if I am collecting a box of nightmares, dozens, if not hundreds of nightmares of other people’s horrible experiences.  From these experiences, I am learning what NOT to do- which is rather interesting.  Wading through the remains of people’s regrets and “I wish I only knew then’s….”  Like some sort of mental alchemy, I am defining my pathway through the process using every ounce of competence I possess as well as listening very closely to the advice and stories of anyone who is willing to take the time to talk to me and share their experiences, positive and negative.

Although I have no bloody idea what the hell I’m doing or how the process works, piece by piece, things progress- and in the process of progress, I must also tie every loose end I come across socially and economically. Correcting errors on our credit score was like fighting angry lions bare-handed and winning.  However, fighting lions is not advisable, exhausting, frightening, and painful.  However, I’ve also reconnected and rekindled many old friendships I was not maintaining properly as well.  Perhaps the “lion fights” are worth it to regain a stronger-forged support network of loved ones.

Now then, I am not having vivid and clear UPG dreams helping me through the process.  No Gods are presenting themselves bodily before me and giving me clear advice (although that would be certainly welcome!)   Mostly I get vague impressions at the edges of my perception- such as the feeling one would have as a very small child when you knew certain relatives entered the room but you were too busy watching television to actually turn around to look-but greeted them regardless; the sound of their footsteps, a certain cologne, or, more simply, someone over your head who uses the remote to change the channel from Scooby-Doo to CNN. (Or CNN to Scooby-Doo).

Hello to Loki- Nothing is ever truly easy that is worthwhile- home purchase is chaos from the moment of first decision until even after closing.  There are literally dozens of people involved in every act it seems, and a seemingly endless ways errors can occur if you are not vigilant.  One needs cleverness and problem solving and to understand “Yes, this is chaos”- and in Chaos, many Lokeans finds their strengths and competence which is not often able to be expressed in “normal” everyday life circumstance.  In my mind, it feels like redefining small streams with a plow to reach a great river, multitasking, and using charm as needed to coax strangers to be kind to us in this process.

Zisa- the woman who unties of knots,  Tyr’s wife, and mostly known among the Pennsylvania Deitsch, it seems.  She is the red cord through the maze and a Goddess of victories.  She is silent in voice to me, but like Carmen Sandiego- Leaves traces of where she has been to follow if I can remain clever.  More puzzles- but the solutions are not found inside the self, but rather each friend and family member seems to hold a particular answer.  This is figuring out who among those who know and love me have the information I need to move forward….and in turn, what I owe these loved ones for their assistance.   I don’t know her very well at all- but there are a lot of humans in this world I know much better than they know me- Gods likely possess even greater knowledge if they choose to take an interest.

Heimdallr: Who until now I never met, a predictor of change, a God of laws, and even more unfamiliar to me- in some translations: “The Brightest” (translated to “Whitest” by some- but I disagree personally).  I believe that “brightness” is wisdom and intelligence.  The God literally sees everything and with perfect memory recollects both past and potential futures.  People forget about Heimdallr often, it seems- the signs of His presence are subtle and require research to trace to Him.

Loki’s cleverness is loudly proclaimed- Heimdallr’s wisdom is quiet competence and vigilance, but has the most acute senses and possesses quiet, non-assuming ways except in certain specific circumstances.   He is very kind,Hhe is very thorough, and sees the end as easily as He sees beginnings.  He will tell you many things will be destroyed, but also tell you “If it gets broken, you do not need it….many things will be broken- but also, many things will be planted.”  There cannot be creation without destruction- but it seems to me He is one who leaves a note on the door that reads “Speak to me if you need guidance” without signature.  The other way He calls, I’ve read- is hearing the sound of His horn before ultimate cataclysmic destruction.   If this is the case, I prefer (what little) of the way I am learning of Him.

Many Heimdallrsmen/women do not know Him by name.  These people live in quiet wisdom, they do not reach out- but they do love to be visited and remembered.   Heimdallr is the God of people everywhere who make rational decisions and lead very uncomplicated lives on account of quiet observation and careful selection of the best path among many.   They are kind, they are attentive, and seem genuinely honored you asked them to help you and trust their judgement, for they seem never to brag or boast much- and when you ask, they have only the most practical and useful solutions.

In the Lokean community- Heimdallr and Loki are often paired together often as duel Fylgia (patron Gods)… some say they are lovers, some say enemies.  I do not know the truth, but I imagine it’s complicated on Loki’s end, and simple on Heimdallr’s.   The relation I see between the average Heimdallr and Lokean:  The Lokean is full with clever ideas, the Heimdallr has the wisdom and ability to see the outcome of many pathways and narrow them down considerably.  The Lokean does the talking, The Heimdallr sometimes suggests, only when asked, what action would be most likely to be successful if one is willing to listen respectfully.  Loki relies on intellect, Heimdallr relies on endless observation.

You will know a person of Heimdallr- they will know you far better than you know them, and they observe everything without interfering.  I am very lucky to have one in my family- he was raised Heathen too- but he does not talk about it at all. The one I know?  Has few friends- not because he does not want them, but other matters are of higher priority.  Ask for favors very, very lightly- they are extraordinarily industrious, and they know they have all the time in the world and feel that being “rushed” is the least desirable sensation to them.  This is simply my observation of those I know- feel free to add/correct me if I am mistaken in this perception of this deity who has not really had much presence in my life prior to this point.

To me, it seems, a great deal of the process as a polytheistic clergy-person is figuring out from Whom help comes- and then learning how to appropriately thank and honor those who help us… however, it seems to almost be “fun” at times, when I find the correct answer and tie certain inexplicable things together to the archetype whose domain into which I wandered- the path gets cleared another few feet and I progress slightly further.

I am told I have been doing things “The right way” by many people.  I started by getting our mortgage pre-approved after researching EXACTLY the very upper end of what we can afford in a worst-case scenario for monthly payments of utilities, taxes, and mortgage dues.  We spent years “building a relationship” with our credit union.  My mortgage is approved for double the worth of the houses I am actually considering.   I am fixed rate.  I have placed stipulations:  No oil heat, no association fees, no lot fees- economical utilities.

I am beginning to feel a natural yearning of the Heathen religious practitioner is to “own” land as equal owning the house itself: where is the land and what it looks and feels like seems to be very important to me.  I can fix a house to limited degrees, I cannot fix poisonous land….and although the very concept of “ownership” is questionable in a spiritual sense, perhaps the word “Stewardship” is more appropriate.  Which of these homes will allow me to plant trees, food producing plants, medicinal herbs, and give me the greatest opportunity to be in or near untouched woods in which I can meditate and reflect?

I will not be having children, so what properties have the most potential for us to grow and contribute more to the world and the community?

I might have future hopes of leaving Pennsylvania- but the present reality is our family actually legitimately needs us here for the next several years. Where I live currently in Berks county is too dangerous to continue living here much longer- I witnessed a woman lose her purse to a thief outside of my bedroom window (there is a bus stop there)….  and I was not able to help.  As I picked up the phone to call the police, she blamed “white people” for the robbery despite all people involved being non-white.

That sort of accusation is abhorrent.   To me, that was enough for me to angrily put my phone away and then listen for several minutes until the bus arrived how she insisted time and time again that people of my skin color were to blame for a man who was of her same lineage committing a terrible act. The next day, I discovered our complex is being sold in the next few months to become housing for the impoverished.

….Which would be not a concern except for the fact that the city of Reading is currently the Violent Crime capital of the nation.  Our building is not accessible to the elderly or disabled, and I see only a block away the madness that is “Reading Section 8”- the broken condoms on the street, the constant drone of police sirens, and the feeling of being trapped in this gilded-cage apartment that I leave so seldom it might as well be a nursing home, a psychiatric ward, or a prison.

There is no place to walk safely where I live now-  there is no parks or woods- just a stand of trees behind which many people have been robbed and harmed against a cold metal fence on the way to the convenience store a block away.  We have been robbed ourselves- just a couple of weeks after moving in a few years ago.  All of our windows are boarded with blocks to wood to prevent further break-ins.  Most of my windows are covered with shelving paper to prevent people looking in.  This is no way for anyone to live- Heathen or not.

Outside my door there are tiny wildflowers I did not plant- but many have been already crushed by the shoes of the disrespectful and strewn with litter.  The sidewalk is less than five feet from my patio- why did the careless residents on my street choose to walk on the flowers instead?  It did not shorten any distance to do that!  Could you not hold your cups and food wrappers until you got home?   There is a dumpster across the street that is easily accessible.

It will be nice to have clean land- “life will find a way” in all situations- but not all situations are ideal.  The cats who live in the dumpsters here have been taken care of by local shelters and sterilized- I watched as several brave people trapped them and then, brought them back home.  Thankfully, we are not the only ones here who leave out food and water for the animals here!

However, it is time to move on and forward- and there is someplace in this county (we just have to find this place) where we ourselves can grow, and in turn, steward the land, plant trees for fruit and bird nests, and feed whatever critters wish to be fed.

I rather feel like the rest of the archetypes are waiting. When part of the process is through modern internet and phone calls, many of the Old Gods wait until situations enter into realms into which they can more directly influence.  Perhaps I might get some insight from Freyr further along the process, or even Frigg (who still inexplicably frightens me a little.)

In this modern age, Loki seems to have adapted chaotic human technology and its advances as well as pitfalls as one of His many playgrounds/work places.   Lucky for me- I’m good-enough at navigating these things to feel some mild competence- so I feel, once again, like a student.  I don’t mind.

However, which came first? Loki’s attentions, or studious self-education which may have first gotten His attention to myself and my family?

Regardless, I am grateful….and right now, I am grateful to be a crazy esoteric Heathen/Chaote Gythia with extensive training in diplomacy, random bits of obscure knowledge, and technologies.  Further, I know enough about my faith to know indisputably that it is Loki who has chosen to lead this process for the moment if not the entirety of the process.

No wonder home purchasing is terrifying- it terrifies me, and sometimes, I believe the only reason I don’t become more frightened than I am is simply: “I realize this is Chaos, and Chaos is one of Loki’s many places of competence.”

Chaos….  I can navigate.  Madness is far more difficult.  If I see a one-eyed man during this process- that will be my indicator I am truly losing my mind.

Even so- Woten’s guidance is always welcome as well! 🙂

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2 Responses to “Regarding Searching for Land Ownership and Heathen Gods”

  1. I’m sorry. I may be too late to write a helpful reply, but…if you’re able to qualify for a downpayment assistance program, you might be able to buy a home. I also recommend a good book on how to qualify for a loan, plus get yourself a buyer’s agent–good ones work on salary and get a commission-style bonus without screwing you over.

    Not sure if you have seen this, but this site has downpayment assistance information for PA: http://www.phfa.org/homebuyers/

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