Attunement

Laura began the attunement, and I was to call in my guides.  AA036979

I closed my eyes, my feet on the floor and I grounded myself to the Earth, entering into a trance-state.  There He stood, that same red hair and black coat- those green-beyond green eyes… and He took me into His arms and asked me not to be afraid “Hey, you are really going to like this!”  He reassured me.  Before the experience went further, I asked him about the whole God-spouse thing everyone had been talking about-  and he simply laughed and teased me gently. “What, is one man not enough for you?!”  I knew from his tone he knew I wanted nothing of the sort from Him.  He then indicated, with His arms around me “It happens: Now.”

Black fog like smoke filled my vision completely blanking out the vision entirely until all I saw was solid blackness….then from that blackness, I saw a fire- blue, violet…then all colors- and as the fire grew it consumed the darkness until it seemed I was looking at a cloudless blue sky on the brightest summer day imaginable.

Another voice came to me, and a memory:  “Do you remember, Ren, that every yoga class you were told to dedicate your practice to someone other than yourself?  Do you remember who you dedicated it to?”

I assented, Yes, I remembered.  A former friend of my husbands who no matter what I did, it was always wrong…and I blamed myself for the deterioration of their friendship still.

“There is nothing to blame you for, Ren…. you Gave all you could- and he wanted more.  This is energy work, you did no wrong; in fact you did RIGHT.”

…and I felt at peace, like something inside of me released.  Earlier in the day, I was in class and we were looking up the meanings of animals- and a fly was landing on me-  Fly meant, according to the book my friend Wray possessed that I was holding onto past issues that needed to be released.  I am still upset over my cat (after everything in my life, I get upset about a cat and a somebody who was a jerk to me once….typical.)

But I never realized I was holding onto that particular issue still.  The other meditation, we were to meet our guides…. before us was a pine forest with ancient trees thick as sequoias. Barefoot, I walked a path cushioned by pine needles, leaves and moss-  I could hear a familiar chuffing noise from the branches to my side….and from the left side came my giant Red elk…his muscles clearly define as he touched his forehead to my own and allowed me to reach my fingers into his thick fur- he walked beside me a while…until we were interrupted as we sat in a green meadow.  A crow landed on his antlers and called to me.. “We’ll wait”, they indicated.  When we resumed- I was taken back through the woods- It looked like the same path but it ended up at an entirely different place than where I began.  I plateau-  or rather, an old cliff I used to sit upon overlooking a river near where I used to live in Easton.  On this, there was a seat for me- beside me the Elk gracefully layed and the crow perched on my shoulders to play with my earrings.

Before me was every student I had every taught, people I had yet to teach- and the weight of responsibility…. I felt confused and distressed.  Who am I to teach anyone?  I’m a nut job on SSD;  Who wants to read what I write?  Why do I have to write a book?  Why are people asking me for advice?

I was confused because on one hand, ego is bad for the soul- on the other, how can one be trusted with so many people?  There are plenty of people who hate me, sure- but I don’t usually care enough to notice.  But what about the people who respect me?  Am I doing enough?  Am I guiding them correctly?  Where do I have any authority whatsoever to be anything at all?

On this seat, I felt older, with the power and responsibility of a queen on a throne- each person who had guided me for good or for ill along the way, a piece of the throne itself- placed their by their own hands- making me who I am, who I was, and who I am going to be.  Reminding me I am never alone, I can only do what I feel is best with what resources I have available to me at any given time.

….and that is, apparently, enough.

Aaaaand….that was it.  I was brought out and I was attuned for Reiki II, over a decade after my last teacher passed away only a month after she told me and her daughter that she was “Given the choice to stay here or to leave, but she chose to stay for her children.”

Then I remembered, sometimes, things only look like choices.  Things are what they are.  She passed away in a house fire- and only her eldest daughter escaped.

You can listen to me, but you do not have to follow me- and I would never ask anyone to do so.

You can ask my advice, but you are never beholden to take it if you choose otherwise.

I can teach you what I know, but only if you understand that not even the Norse know everything….and I know even less.

I will not force you into anything unless you put me into a situation where I would violate any Oath I have made, then I will do what is necessary to keep my honor intact.

I am not beholden to be anyone’s friend, nor am I beholden to be any person’s enemy.  You can love me or hate me- that does not mean you are entitled to my energy in return if I do not wish it.

…and overall, I will do what I feel is right, what I feel will lead me to happiness.  I have no other goals other than to live to be free to pursue my happiness, secure the happiness of my spouse, and to live honorably, personally, regardless of however many rumours or lies may fly around regarding me.

I am me.  That is enough…because that is all I have to give to the world.

I cannot be more or less than who I am at this moment to anyone.

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One Response to “Attunement”

  1. What an incredible experience! I also really felt Loki’s personality and energy through your description.

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