Life is Fair.

Fenrir and Loki as depicted (by signiture) by some person who goes by "Florbe 91" on Tumblr.com

Fenrir and Loki as depicted (by signature) by some person who goes by “Florbe 91” on Tumblr.com

This goes against everything you have ever been taught.  But I will explain in a long, convolted rambling way like I usually do, then Deux ex Machina the heck out of the end of this post to make it appear that a common thread existed all along through out my mad ramblings.

Got it?

Good.

(Speaking of “Mad Ramblings”, check out Eddie’s new blog post Here on Lovecraft)

In the Lokasenna, Loki found himself outside the great hall of the Aesir- uninvited to a party to which all others had been granted invitation.  He was outraged; was he not Odin’s sworn brother?  He entered, Bragi made room, Vidarr poured him some mead, and Loki then proceeded to tear apart each participant at the feast out of His frustration and rage at being excluded when He was promised a seat at each feast.

Tyr- silent for much of the poem, only spoke to defend Freyr’s honor, Loki attempted to Silence him basically saying “Well, your hand was taken by my son”  Tyr replies “So it was- and when the Gods fall, so will he” (loosely paraphrased)  Loki then insinuated that Tyr’s wife once cheated on him with Loki- which was undisputed, and Loki offered the man pity for the lack of recompense for Zisa’a infidelity.

But not a single word was uttered against Tyr’s honor… it was more like “Hey! You’re missing a hand! Ha ha- handless dude is handless!” in much the way I laugh at retards wearing helmets in the supermarket.  Disabilities are hilarious; including my own.  Watching me shriek after a loud noise or hearing about my over-the-top reaction to any nightmare to subsequently become the “human squid-monster” while wrapping myself around Eddie like a tentacled Lovecraftian ghoul is both pathetic and still a little funny to think about.  (He Likes squids.  He said so…  marrying one should be a dream come true)

Anyway…

Tyr is a God-  If golden metal can be grown from Sif’s scalp after a mere shaving- Tyr could create something to serve as a hand.  As for the infidelity; truly it does not say that Tyr was anything other than faithful- and his wife still remained his own.  Tyr keeps his own council- but he does not contradict Loki’s claim that Freyr had slept and born children with Freya, but rather, pointed out Freyr’s best qualities- that he frees those from slavery and no woman is ever harmed by the God, and Freyr is among the greatest of the fighters- no small compliment from Tyr, the God Battle and Justice.  So, Freyr slept with his sister-  So did almost everyone/everything else according to several sources, and it was consensual.  Icky even by Norse standards, however, still a private arrangement between consenting adults.

Loki moves on to easier prey to satiate his anger at this point, realizing the reaction of Tyr of: “Why yes, yes I did lose a hand- I miss it, and it’s going to suck for Fenris when the Gods fall.” was an honest answer, and not enough to get a “rise” out of him.  Tyr basically retorted with “Well, no one is going to win from anything regarding that situation.” in other words.

Loki did nothing that was contradicted in the Lokasenna other than point out the flaws of each person attending- none of them disputed as inaccurate, however some did come to the defense of others to point out the positive traits that contradicted the negative.

Loki in rage is not kind in words, but He is not untruthful.  He is hurtful, cruel, and even mocking.  He was also offended, hurt, and outcast despite promises made in blood with Woten, the All-Father, that not a drink would be poured without one also being poured for Loki as well.

His reaction is the same of that of any family member who finds themselves not on the guest list of any family event- so- He crashed the party.

There is something I have discovered with weddings called the “Maleficent Paradox”-  namely, that there are people who you KNOW will cause nothing but hard feelings whether or not you invite them, you might not even wish to SEE them, however, to NOT give them the respect they feel they are due will cause greater hardship in the long run.

As someone who is both of Tyr and Loki- I can understand that sacrifices and appeasements must be made for those people.  Our wedding is potluck; yet, it was announced to me by my father that “Formal, official” invitations were expected by certain family members personally written by yours truly.  However, Miss Manners dictates the actual, Socially Correct action is that the parents of the bride are meant to send out all invitations.   For my family’s attempt at pretension, they certainly failed the class on politically/socially correct means of correspondence regarding weddings in nouveau-wealthy charm school when they lived in the Main line, I suppose.  (I assume they MUST have one in Bala Cynwyd)

Official invitations to what amounts to a picnic?  Really?  Well- okay then.   Ed and I went out to Party City, he picked out something that looked reasonable and used his sister’s discount to get them for a grand total of $2 for 8.   I wrote them up in a day, and realized I still could use another pack:

Overall, in writing the invitations to the people I realized that it wasn’t at all a bad thing-   There were also people who I desperately want to attend who are elderly friends of mine who cannot operate a computer even with guided instruction, a tutor, and a Mac.  The same people who when you bought them an answering machine in the 1990’s created the classic message “HELLO?!  DO I TALK NOW?  HOW DO I GET THIS TO WORK?  WHAT DOES THIS BUTTON DO???  I THINK I BROKE IT…”  *BEEEP*”

/shakes head.

Anyway, because of having to appease the den of angry, rabid lions that share blood with me- I ended up calling up good friends, old neighbors, as well as making some people feel deservedly special for their role in my life; like the family that took me in when I moved out at 17…. they actually deserved something special; as did my neighbors from Haverford who called child services on my mother several times when I was very small- and gave me their back yard to play in to escape the worst days of my mother- even before they themselves had a child.

The point of our wedding is that (almost) EVERYONE is invited.  You come, great- you don’t come.  Oh well.  Bring food.  Bring Drink- dress however the fuck you want.

The exception to an invitation?  If either my future spouse or I have said, “Stay out of our lives, please.”  It’s actually a shorter list than one would expect.  On my side, well,  it’s just my schizophrenic biological mother who is about as sane as a sack of weasels and if the rest of my family can be compared to a pride of angry lions, she would be a rabid, obese rhino with the  face of Andre the Giant and all the good social graces of Hitler at a Bar Mitzvah.

Anyone other than her?  Fuckit. Love us, hate us, indifferent?  Unlikely-  whatever.  You are willing to make the drive to Gring’s mill and bring food?  Excellent.  Make a scene, and there will be a small army of large men with beards who will ever so gently usher you back to your vehicle.  Play nice and you get to meet a lot of neat people and eat copious amounts of delicious food.

This is actually the TRADITIONAL Pennsylvania Dutch way of handling such an event.  Generally, you invite the entire community, people show up with food, the couple is married, then food is eaten.   Easy.   Also, same for most other tribal cultures around the world.

We have received some criticism- all from people who don’t matter and likely will not attend, anyway:

So, our wedding is now “untraditional” for being traditional, we are  “a joke” or “offensive”….or are we?

I have a dress I modified and sewed myself from two dresses that came to $24 that shows off every single tattoo I have proudly (none are in sensitive areas), there will be people from all walks of life- in all manners of dress.  I have friends who own companies and people so poor they are on disability as I am-  There are people I haven’t seen in years as well as people I see regularly.  There will be college professors, former coworkers, close friends, as well as people I have yet to meet.

The religious wedding will be partially auf Deutsch/ part English….and hopefully short.  As for vows?  Anything less then from the heart and on the spot will seem contrived.

There will be a little girl dressed as a pink cat princess in a tutu as well as at least one professional wrestler in full ring makeup.  There will be at least one person in camouflage- maybe even a few with beards that would make ZZ Top look pitiful by comparison.   Throw in a couple of women dressed for a Renaissance faire- someone in a karate uniform, and several kilted Irishmen and it sounds like something “typical” that one would expect the two of us to throw.

My birthday parties at the hookah lounge usually had a similar turnout.  Only instead of coiffed like a drag-queen at Diamondz lounge in Allentown, I dressed like “Alex” a’la “A Clockwork Orange”.   The same amount of mascara will likely be used.  From the same tube I used last time:  Mascara used twice in 4 years.  Hot diggity.  I’m going all out here, folks.

Weddings in the United States have become not about the marriage of the couple anymore- but rather about impressing others as to your personal affluence.  People stress over guest lists, seating charts, who-gets-along-with-whom, and other bullshit.  Flowers?  Who needs flowers when you’re in a fucking park?  As for “favors”….I don’t know- take home some leftovers?  (either that or I’ll throw together the Ren-traditional glass-beads-covered-in-metallic-sharpie bindrunes by the hundred….as soon as I can convince Ed NOT to include “Ear” as his personal symbol)

We spent $100 for a pavilion that seats 100.  Take a plastic plate-  fill it, find a seat near people you know- or make friends.   Stay for just the wedding, or stay until clean-up and the after party back at the apartment…  Whatever floats your boat, skipper.

So, wow- this is not the post I expected to write today.  I have a million and one things on my plate and only 2 of them have anything to do with the wedding.  Most of them involve yet another identity theft case and the same legal wrangling I have faced for now over a year now.

Should I whine and say “Life isn’t fair…?”  Not at all,  because I have learned that in life we choose if our lives are “fair” or not.   The annoying bullshit I have to put up with regarding legal matters is actually helping people with similar problems suffer less in the future because I have the time, resources, and intelligence to combat injustice where others might not have such gifts.

Weird Shit will always happen to me, I’m Lokian/Lokean (pick your spelling)-   But if I am in the family of Loki- Tyr is my boss.   Tyr was the one who told the Norse not to trust self-fulfilling prophecies, He was the one to care for Fenrir the wolf when no other would approach him, and He was the one who bears a missing hand- as a reminder that WE have the power to make life, as a whole, fair for others through our own actions. My God is the eldest still, if he is not wisest- he cannot be denied that he has seen a great deal over thousands of years worth of human and deific folly.

Fenris was bound- but it broke Tyr’s oath to the wolf to do so- and the loss of the hand is a reminder of that oath.  Did Tyr’s wife cheat on him?  Well, Loki is a shapeshifter and known to be charming-  Tyr, as much of a judge as he is, has only broken ONE oath ever recorded in history- sure, you could pity the man, but respect would be more appropriate that if the marriage vows were broken- they were only broken on one end….and there is not enough other documentation on Zisa to make much of a determination on the matter except She is known as the one who can “untie the knots” in our lives and find solutions for difficult situations- and the Lokasenna is a disputed text at best anyway.

What is not disputed is Tyr as a God of justice, the reason for the loss of His hand, and why He chooses it to remain that way.

I have figured that the “bad” or “annoying” things that occur in my life generally are part of a larger picture….and usually, I am uniquely suited with both my words and my intellectual resources to sort things out in the end. In doing so, and in doing so in view of the public, apparently, I have helped others more than once who have experienced situations that could be mended by similar resolutions that I have discovered myself- which ultimately makes me happy in the end.   My life is based on feeling “useful” in some way.  Although writing to me is often cathartic and a way to blow off steam- it also shows that I am simply a person, like anyone else…. and I go through “person” things that many other people also go through.

I am far from “cursed” or “plagued” except, perhaps, mentally- but for that, I have also been compensated fairly in spirituality, love, experience, as well as in government aid – all of which help me address my problems in some form of both organization and support.

When the biggest annoyance I have is hand-sewing my own wedding clothing- I have it pretty good.  I know the flashbacks and nightmares will get worse before they get better…. I know my identity theft situation will bounce between a few more people in Harrisburg before being settled- However, I also know, ultimately, it will not even make a difference once I change my name and my insurance.

So, in conclusion….if you life “isn’t fair”- then look at the bigger picture, do the “right” thing regarding the greatest number of people you can, and MAKE it fair.  There are things in life that are out of our control- but our reaction to them is the key to the “fairness” of the entirety of all situations…. if you end up having to do uncomfortable, tedious things to make life easier for others who will eventually be in your shoes, then although you won’t see the fruits of your progress- others will suffer less because of your efforts.  That is fair, and there are likely people who came before me and experienced even greater “unfairness” than I did- which is now why I am able to be afforded the chances and advantages I have been given…. and I thank those nameless people for their hard work in making my life easier, not even knowing how much they had to struggle.

If life seems “unfair”- or the path ahead looks wrong; choose a better one.  If no better option appears: wait.  If you wait and run out of time and then are forced to travel the unsavory pathway anyway- you’re at least guaranteed to learn something along the way.   There is not one single experience in life where we do not learn SOMETHING, even if it is simply in which mistakes never to make again.

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5 Responses to “Life is Fair.”

  1. moonfire2012 Says:

    I have found that…a lot of unfairness is caused by ourselves messing up, and learning the hard way what mistakes NOT to make the next time. Congrats on your wedding. I also wanted to tell you how touched I was by the description of the burning red rose Loki gave you in that one dream you had. I’d love to see somebody do a picture of that!

    • Sadly, I can only draw well when I am sedated to the teeth on account of shaky hands. The next time I end up needing surgery and end up in a hospital, I’ll bring my sketchbook, I promise 🙂

      Because of my fear of hospitals, they usually drug me until I’m delirious. However, my hands stop shaking.

  2. Lol the mention of fariness and Loki is now making me think of Jim Henson’s Labyrinth. Tanks for the post and good luck with your picnic it sounds wonderful and more enjoyable than the ones I’ve attended over the last few years.

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