Three Tiers: Wedding plans

Adriaen van Utrecht | Vanitas Still-Life with a Bouquet and a Skull

Warning: This blog post is likely longer and more boring than most I have written up until this point.  Real life often is.

After what felt like an hour of scrubbing, I have almost removed all that remains of the surgical tape that attached a heart monitor to me for 24 hours.  Man, that sucked-  however, I get to “enjoy” this ritual all over again tomorrow after my stress test on the treadmill.  More tape, more monitors….followed by my very first appointment with a real internist in several years where I get to drop a lifetime of medical history and subsequent legal paperwork on the poor soul to fill out on the first day I ever lay eyes on him.  La-de-da.

These are the hoops to jump through to get a single pill/surgery/whatever that will get my pulse from that of a hummingbird to a human…and yet, blood pressure remains corpse-like.   It’s been awkward; I have several specialists, but have not had an official “doctor” coordinating everything like most people in years.  So, instead of sending all the results in advance-I thought it would be wise to meet with the man first before he receives an onslaught of results from dozens of tests from all over Pennsylvania from every known type of specialist.

I have not met him, but I sincerely hope he is nice, intelligent, and has a sense of humour.   I was told he does have experience with cases like me-  however, most cases “like me” don’t usually have one day every few weeks of unusual competence nor steady spousal support resulting in remaining “on top” of the pile of endless tests, justifications, and prescriptions required to keep further deterioration at a minimum.  That, and I have religion  which allows for plenty of Deus ex Machina to cover me when I am barely treading water.

Good thing our last ritual was to healing Goddesses… Hail Mengloth and Eir, right? 🙂

So, it’s been an excitingly frustrating 7 days-
On the bright side, I was allowed to keep the “Time” magazine from the phlebotomy office at Quest Diagnostic which had the article on the second man to teach me Sufism via his students, as “One of the World’s 100 most influential people.”  This is the same man who taught me that any person who demands your respect deserves it the least. I was awestruck- and now have an answer for the wishful yoga “Guru” (Capital “G”, yo’.) who wanted my supplication and obedience to his ridiculous and under-researched take on Hinduism since he “sat at the feet of the wisest yogi’s on the planet…”

Krishna is NOT a pacifist.  I suggest the Bhagavad Gita as a resource considering the majority of the text refers to Krishna addressing his friend, Arjuna about the necessity of war.  I learned that in college from many religion courses… not from some mansion-living asshole wearing a burlap sack and ripping off rich Americans with more money than sense, and not enough book readin’ to know better.

Okay, asshat- My teacher was in “Time” magazine….was yours, Mr. Abusive, anorexic, autistic, paranoid, no-degree, vegan, pretentious, parent-funded jackass? 🙂

Also= I’m not a Hindu.,

(The urge to contact this character to say: “Bow to me, lowly peon…!”  exists, but just the satisfaction of this information is more than enough to humour me)

Our personal practices have become more interesting in the past few weeks as we seem to escape any and all boundaries or commonality with what people expect of us.   We have become frustrated that the most exciting things in our religious practices are likely to be the least understood; yet at the same time- we find ourselves surrounded by so many unhappy people that we both had to learn that we cannot please everyone, accept everyone, and be beholden to everyone.  Time is precious, spend it wisely on what you can influence positively.  Remove from your life what makes you unhappy, uncomfortable, and what does not bear fruit.-  This I learned years and years ago from a Native shaman who read me at another faire.  “Know when to hold them, know when to fold them, and let fields lie fallow when they don’t grow corn.”

I must say though- getting a Ouija board made by a Floridian priest out of Haitian wood decorated with tarot cards around the edges was the most interesting purchase made…. and also, the object in particular is 1/20 in the entire world, blessed, and works well.  We managed to channel a rather sarcastic author my fiancee is partial to who offered hysterical answers to our questions-
As well as indicating my dead grandpa was also in the room…by referring to him as “The Nazi”.
“Why would you say such a thing about him?”  We asked,
“Hello! Because He is”.  (Grandpa was temporarily in the SS during WWII- but defected to the British secret service) If you want an idea of what’s going on- check out Ed’s new blog Here.

Basically, to sum up Ed’s blog we have both lived lives where we have been extraordinary push-overs in attempting to please everyone, and we are currently working on rewriting both of our priority sets to honor ourselves more, care less about the games and dramas of others, and learn to discern where and when we can contribute the most good to the world and when to gracefully bow out and do our own thing.  Making everyone happy was making us anti-social and resentful.  It was time to take some of ourselves back for our own good.

Heathenly speaking: Nauthiz has been in full swing as my fiancee and I found ourselves forced to make concrete decisions regarding wedding plans.  I visited a psychic last week for a reading who gave better advice than my current therapist- basically, that even as the shell of a “Type A” personality- I need to learn flexibility and that if something isn’t going the way I envisioned, it is not to say all is lost- but rather, there are possibilities I was likely not aware of that will come to pass and to allow more competent and willing parties to take charge.  Which is exactly what occurred.

Every altar was given at least one new gift of a stone, candle, or both- including a huge terminated, irradiated smokey quartz on my fiancee’s main altar- some smaller black quartz  and blue Bornite for Tyr,  A citrine/quartz and a handful of Bornite for Loki.  An Amethyst raven for The Morrigan, a natural, jewelers quality quartz for Anubus, and Zinc quartz for the Gentleman’s Altar of Freyr/Janis and Cernunnos…. all with fresh, new candles….including refilling our box of tealights for the ailing, dead, and those who request honest, legitimate help from us.

The candle for the patron of our relationship has been lit off and on for days-  it might surprise some to know that it is Freyr we look to for relationship issues rather than any Rokkr.  We as a couple remain remarkably stable- however, the process of life regarding the wedding “clicking” into place around us needed a “spark” of discontent in our wedding plans- we had to defend our religious practices to another, which then triggered a chain affect of solidifying a much more complicated and satisfying wedding arrangement than even I imagined beforehand.

So- my idea of the picnic is the woods is still going to work; we have confirmed Ed’s favorite park with pavilion space enough for food and the possibility of rain.  Furthermore, in letting go of my innate habit of being the “planner” in the relationship-  Ed created a beautiful 3-tiered wedding process that never would have crossed my mind that solves a series of problems I was struggling to accommodate.

First, since we have to get our license from the state anyway, he wanted a private judge-wedding with just family followed by a nice dinner at the beginning of the month.  This way, we can take advantage of the next 10 days he has off for a honeymoon that is technically “real”….including some light day trips to places like the Mutter Museum and possibly Salem or New York.

Since we are doing this all ourselves- the day before our actual Braucher- officiated wedding; we are having a get together lunch with whomever wishes to join us at a Scottish restaurant near the majority of my friends the Saturday before- a sort of cross between the idea of a bachelor/ette party and rehearsal dinner….followed by an evening of cards against humanity and take-out cuisine for the evening as those out-of-towners and people who wish to help set up for the “big” thing stay overnight at our apartment if they want to.   Then, Sunday- as I get my hair done, (and possibly nurse my hangover) the men set up in the morning, then at 2pm we have a  family friendly picnic, Heathen ceremony- and at the end of the evening, whomever is left to help with clean up comes back to our apartment for sumbel, in the midst of all of our altars, our cats, and all the blessings one can want.

So, right now, I am waiting on the judge to call me back to confirm the first week of July for the “legal-ease” wedding, set up a hair appointment for the 28th, and now- I am looking for a cheap florist to provide a bouquet or two… as well as good, sturdy flowers to wear in my hair.  Looking at bulk prices, it appears miniature blue carnations and baby’s breath sent via some online site are currently the front runners.  20 bucks for 50 stems of each.  Not bad.

Still need to purchase shoes, a slip, and next week- my fiancee’s Scottish regalia.  The wax mold for our rings will be seen on June 22- then fabricated that week.  And I have learned that even a “simple” wedding still takes planning, time, and slightly more money than expected.

I also discovered my former roommate from over a year ago was apparently attempting to claim food stamps under my name- leaving me with a thousand dollar reimbursement to contest. (which I am not concerned about-I have a copy of my lease proving my residence here in THIS county)   I am beginning to seriously consider purchasing a small filing cabinet for our Tyr (Ziu) altar- since all my paperwork regarding “justice”, “injustice”, and anything “government” hath started running over…

I agree with the Christians when their book stated “Give what is Caesar’s unto Caesar.”  Meaning- let all political/government/legal matters be entirely separate from the rest of life whenever possible.  Tyr has been generous with guidance and help on these things, so I have faith Justice will be done.

So, our cake and our wedding will be three-tiered- but nine separate cakes for each realm of Norse.  We have done our best to minimize butt-hurt in this way and we have also learned that dealing with either religious politics or my family politics is exactly like a game of RISK:  By the time you have the board set up properly, you realize you have no desire to actually play the game.

So, I’m not going out of my way to contact extended family except very minimally, the same goes for anyone else estranged on either side, or religiously speaking- if they show up, they will be expected to be on their best behavior lest they be promptly removed by my brother’s friends who would enjoy the privilege.   My brother, sister-in-law, and best friends along with Ed’s family get their “Specialness” with the court wedding…(since there was possibility of offense being taken by not having attendants or a special “family” part some people love so much)…and We still get to have our religious Heathen celebration…

…and hopefully, the medical issues will be resolved in that time as well; one problem will be solved at least- in July, under new insurance, I will get to see my old therapist again who was better trained on my issues- which will very much help minimize any terror at the idea of a large crowd on the 28th.

So- need to hear back from the judge, make hair appointments for the two of us for the first week of July still, buy the Kilt/Highland shirt combo for my man, buy shoes and a slip, figure out where to get a garter and bouquet, and I think that’s about it….other than dollar store streamers to mark our pavilion as “Taken”.

Since so many of our friends are LGBTQ- Ed will be wearing the garter and throwing the bouquet- Bi/pansexuals reading this:  Pick ONE to go for.   The result of who-catches-which could end up anywhere from “typical” to awkwardly hilarious. 🙂

However, after the chaos of being accepted then rejected from location to location- I think the end solution turned out to be the best solution-  all I needed to do was let go and allow my fiancee the confidence to figure out solutions to problems that vexed me.  I’m not used to being with someone equally to more competent than myself:  But if he wasn’t, I wouldn’t be marrying him.

Weddings are usually the dominion of the “woman”-  after years of self analysis, I should have known that if it’s the domain of the “woman” I am likely the least equipped for the task out of anyone to attempt to navigate such waters.

I am willing to pimp Ed out as a wedding planner by the way- he’s remarkably good at creating elegant, clever,  and complex solutions… just pay him for his time.

That is for another post;  when to know when people are taking advantage of you for things they should be paying you for but don’t….

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