Archive for May, 2013

Three Tiers: Wedding plans

Posted in About me, Justice, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on May 29, 2013 by Tyrienne

Adriaen van Utrecht | Vanitas Still-Life with a Bouquet and a Skull

Warning: This blog post is likely longer and more boring than most I have written up until this point.  Real life often is.

After what felt like an hour of scrubbing, I have almost removed all that remains of the surgical tape that attached a heart monitor to me for 24 hours.  Man, that sucked-  however, I get to “enjoy” this ritual all over again tomorrow after my stress test on the treadmill.  More tape, more monitors….followed by my very first appointment with a real internist in several years where I get to drop a lifetime of medical history and subsequent legal paperwork on the poor soul to fill out on the first day I ever lay eyes on him.  La-de-da.

These are the hoops to jump through to get a single pill/surgery/whatever that will get my pulse from that of a hummingbird to a human…and yet, blood pressure remains corpse-like.   It’s been awkward; I have several specialists, but have not had an official “doctor” coordinating everything like most people in years.  So, instead of sending all the results in advance-I thought it would be wise to meet with the man first before he receives an onslaught of results from dozens of tests from all over Pennsylvania from every known type of specialist.

I have not met him, but I sincerely hope he is nice, intelligent, and has a sense of humour.   I was told he does have experience with cases like me-  however, most cases “like me” don’t usually have one day every few weeks of unusual competence nor steady spousal support resulting in remaining “on top” of the pile of endless tests, justifications, and prescriptions required to keep further deterioration at a minimum.  That, and I have religion  which allows for plenty of Deus ex Machina to cover me when I am barely treading water.

Good thing our last ritual was to healing Goddesses… Hail Mengloth and Eir, right? 🙂

So, it’s been an excitingly frustrating 7 days-
On the bright side, I was allowed to keep the “Time” magazine from the phlebotomy office at Quest Diagnostic which had the article on the second man to teach me Sufism via his students, as “One of the World’s 100 most influential people.”  This is the same man who taught me that any person who demands your respect deserves it the least. I was awestruck- and now have an answer for the wishful yoga “Guru” (Capital “G”, yo’.) who wanted my supplication and obedience to his ridiculous and under-researched take on Hinduism since he “sat at the feet of the wisest yogi’s on the planet…”

Krishna is NOT a pacifist.  I suggest the Bhagavad Gita as a resource considering the majority of the text refers to Krishna addressing his friend, Arjuna about the necessity of war.  I learned that in college from many religion courses… not from some mansion-living asshole wearing a burlap sack and ripping off rich Americans with more money than sense, and not enough book readin’ to know better.

Okay, asshat- My teacher was in “Time” magazine….was yours, Mr. Abusive, anorexic, autistic, paranoid, no-degree, vegan, pretentious, parent-funded jackass? 🙂

Also= I’m not a Hindu.,

(The urge to contact this character to say: “Bow to me, lowly peon…!”  exists, but just the satisfaction of this information is more than enough to humour me)

Our personal practices have become more interesting in the past few weeks as we seem to escape any and all boundaries or commonality with what people expect of us.   We have become frustrated that the most exciting things in our religious practices are likely to be the least understood; yet at the same time- we find ourselves surrounded by so many unhappy people that we both had to learn that we cannot please everyone, accept everyone, and be beholden to everyone.  Time is precious, spend it wisely on what you can influence positively.  Remove from your life what makes you unhappy, uncomfortable, and what does not bear fruit.-  This I learned years and years ago from a Native shaman who read me at another faire.  “Know when to hold them, know when to fold them, and let fields lie fallow when they don’t grow corn.”

I must say though- getting a Ouija board made by a Floridian priest out of Haitian wood decorated with tarot cards around the edges was the most interesting purchase made…. and also, the object in particular is 1/20 in the entire world, blessed, and works well.  We managed to channel a rather sarcastic author my fiancee is partial to who offered hysterical answers to our questions-
As well as indicating my dead grandpa was also in the room…by referring to him as “The Nazi”.
“Why would you say such a thing about him?”  We asked,
“Hello! Because He is”.  (Grandpa was temporarily in the SS during WWII- but defected to the British secret service) If you want an idea of what’s going on- check out Ed’s new blog Here.

Basically, to sum up Ed’s blog we have both lived lives where we have been extraordinary push-overs in attempting to please everyone, and we are currently working on rewriting both of our priority sets to honor ourselves more, care less about the games and dramas of others, and learn to discern where and when we can contribute the most good to the world and when to gracefully bow out and do our own thing.  Making everyone happy was making us anti-social and resentful.  It was time to take some of ourselves back for our own good.

Heathenly speaking: Nauthiz has been in full swing as my fiancee and I found ourselves forced to make concrete decisions regarding wedding plans.  I visited a psychic last week for a reading who gave better advice than my current therapist- basically, that even as the shell of a “Type A” personality- I need to learn flexibility and that if something isn’t going the way I envisioned, it is not to say all is lost- but rather, there are possibilities I was likely not aware of that will come to pass and to allow more competent and willing parties to take charge.  Which is exactly what occurred.

Every altar was given at least one new gift of a stone, candle, or both- including a huge terminated, irradiated smokey quartz on my fiancee’s main altar- some smaller black quartz  and blue Bornite for Tyr,  A citrine/quartz and a handful of Bornite for Loki.  An Amethyst raven for The Morrigan, a natural, jewelers quality quartz for Anubus, and Zinc quartz for the Gentleman’s Altar of Freyr/Janis and Cernunnos…. all with fresh, new candles….including refilling our box of tealights for the ailing, dead, and those who request honest, legitimate help from us.

The candle for the patron of our relationship has been lit off and on for days-  it might surprise some to know that it is Freyr we look to for relationship issues rather than any Rokkr.  We as a couple remain remarkably stable- however, the process of life regarding the wedding “clicking” into place around us needed a “spark” of discontent in our wedding plans- we had to defend our religious practices to another, which then triggered a chain affect of solidifying a much more complicated and satisfying wedding arrangement than even I imagined beforehand.

So- my idea of the picnic is the woods is still going to work; we have confirmed Ed’s favorite park with pavilion space enough for food and the possibility of rain.  Furthermore, in letting go of my innate habit of being the “planner” in the relationship-  Ed created a beautiful 3-tiered wedding process that never would have crossed my mind that solves a series of problems I was struggling to accommodate.

First, since we have to get our license from the state anyway, he wanted a private judge-wedding with just family followed by a nice dinner at the beginning of the month.  This way, we can take advantage of the next 10 days he has off for a honeymoon that is technically “real”….including some light day trips to places like the Mutter Museum and possibly Salem or New York.

Since we are doing this all ourselves- the day before our actual Braucher- officiated wedding; we are having a get together lunch with whomever wishes to join us at a Scottish restaurant near the majority of my friends the Saturday before- a sort of cross between the idea of a bachelor/ette party and rehearsal dinner….followed by an evening of cards against humanity and take-out cuisine for the evening as those out-of-towners and people who wish to help set up for the “big” thing stay overnight at our apartment if they want to.   Then, Sunday- as I get my hair done, (and possibly nurse my hangover) the men set up in the morning, then at 2pm we have a  family friendly picnic, Heathen ceremony- and at the end of the evening, whomever is left to help with clean up comes back to our apartment for sumbel, in the midst of all of our altars, our cats, and all the blessings one can want.

So, right now, I am waiting on the judge to call me back to confirm the first week of July for the “legal-ease” wedding, set up a hair appointment for the 28th, and now- I am looking for a cheap florist to provide a bouquet or two… as well as good, sturdy flowers to wear in my hair.  Looking at bulk prices, it appears miniature blue carnations and baby’s breath sent via some online site are currently the front runners.  20 bucks for 50 stems of each.  Not bad.

Still need to purchase shoes, a slip, and next week- my fiancee’s Scottish regalia.  The wax mold for our rings will be seen on June 22- then fabricated that week.  And I have learned that even a “simple” wedding still takes planning, time, and slightly more money than expected.

I also discovered my former roommate from over a year ago was apparently attempting to claim food stamps under my name- leaving me with a thousand dollar reimbursement to contest. (which I am not concerned about-I have a copy of my lease proving my residence here in THIS county)   I am beginning to seriously consider purchasing a small filing cabinet for our Tyr (Ziu) altar- since all my paperwork regarding “justice”, “injustice”, and anything “government” hath started running over…

I agree with the Christians when their book stated “Give what is Caesar’s unto Caesar.”  Meaning- let all political/government/legal matters be entirely separate from the rest of life whenever possible.  Tyr has been generous with guidance and help on these things, so I have faith Justice will be done.

So, our cake and our wedding will be three-tiered- but nine separate cakes for each realm of Norse.  We have done our best to minimize butt-hurt in this way and we have also learned that dealing with either religious politics or my family politics is exactly like a game of RISK:  By the time you have the board set up properly, you realize you have no desire to actually play the game.

So, I’m not going out of my way to contact extended family except very minimally, the same goes for anyone else estranged on either side, or religiously speaking- if they show up, they will be expected to be on their best behavior lest they be promptly removed by my brother’s friends who would enjoy the privilege.   My brother, sister-in-law, and best friends along with Ed’s family get their “Specialness” with the court wedding…(since there was possibility of offense being taken by not having attendants or a special “family” part some people love so much)…and We still get to have our religious Heathen celebration…

…and hopefully, the medical issues will be resolved in that time as well; one problem will be solved at least- in July, under new insurance, I will get to see my old therapist again who was better trained on my issues- which will very much help minimize any terror at the idea of a large crowd on the 28th.

So- need to hear back from the judge, make hair appointments for the two of us for the first week of July still, buy the Kilt/Highland shirt combo for my man, buy shoes and a slip, figure out where to get a garter and bouquet, and I think that’s about it….other than dollar store streamers to mark our pavilion as “Taken”.

Since so many of our friends are LGBTQ- Ed will be wearing the garter and throwing the bouquet- Bi/pansexuals reading this:  Pick ONE to go for.   The result of who-catches-which could end up anywhere from “typical” to awkwardly hilarious. 🙂

However, after the chaos of being accepted then rejected from location to location- I think the end solution turned out to be the best solution-  all I needed to do was let go and allow my fiancee the confidence to figure out solutions to problems that vexed me.  I’m not used to being with someone equally to more competent than myself:  But if he wasn’t, I wouldn’t be marrying him.

Weddings are usually the dominion of the “woman”-  after years of self analysis, I should have known that if it’s the domain of the “woman” I am likely the least equipped for the task out of anyone to attempt to navigate such waters.

I am willing to pimp Ed out as a wedding planner by the way- he’s remarkably good at creating elegant, clever,  and complex solutions… just pay him for his time.

That is for another post;  when to know when people are taking advantage of you for things they should be paying you for but don’t….


Bugger off.

Posted in Uncategorized on May 27, 2013 by Tyrienne

People paint pictures, daily, whether they know it or not of every person they interact with in life-  this might be an overcomplicated way of saying “People assume stuff without factual proof”- but I was feeling poetic.   One thing that is driving me absolutely up a wall is the idea of Heathen monotheism.  This blog is literally, HOWEVER-  I have NEVER stated I EXCLUSIVELY worship Loki.  Do I love/respect/care/admire/listen to Him?  Absofuckinglutely…but I belong to others as well.

Standard Lokian misconceptions:   I am not polyamorous.  I don’t particularly care if you are- but I’m not, I’m 31 years old and entirely uninterested in any other human but my chosen partner.  I do not like chaos, but I thrive in change better than stagnation and I am easily bored.  I am never dishonest…although several people accuse me of being so.

I do not abide by any subjugation of one human to any other, nor do I condone the “giving up of one’s will” to another human being- to a God/Gods…perfectly fine.  But in my mind, “consensual slavery” outside of a bedroom is utterly depraved and shows both extraordinary mental illness/delusion of the one party as well as mental illness/lack of being able to take responsibility of the “enslaved” party.

Loki may get along and abide by everyone- he can be very Laisez faire- however, I am not Loki, nor do I try to be.  He is a God-  I am mortal, and I am guided by others who influence my opinions in my life very strongly.

I don’t buy much for myself- my life can easily fit in my car (sans books), I see the hoarding of possessions as a human sickness since I was raised by hoarders.  The purchases I make for extemporaneous items are usually meant for altars….and I have been known at times of extreme duress to sacrifice altars with hundreds of dollars worth of merchandise to a lake in exchange for freedom from suffering.  Other things are consumables with multiple uses; perfume to anoint myself or others- temporary cosmetic products, food, even clothing- clothing I go through twice a year and donate at least one large bag per solstice to the less fortunate.

I was raised by the affluent, so I have learned to despise money-  I do not take pride in a savings account; I do not trust our currency and if I find someone with legitimate need, stranger or friend, I will gladly give what I have to who needs it more.  I have paid for groceries of complete strangers and covered people in line at stores who came up short when I had little myself.   I would rather live cheque to cheque-  I have my debts to pay, and the future is never certain.   Should I come into money- quickly, I share my wealth with my partner, sibling, and friends- so I will be remembered should I run into trouble again.

Am I chaos?  No.  However, I have that reputation because I will tell you my opinion if you ask me…or if I see injustice and in both cases my words often sting.   I am not the person for you to go to for comfort if you are suffering and refuse to seek help.  I AM the person to go to if you are suffering and have exhausted all other options.  If you do not take my advice and ask for more- I may deny you.

I am excellent in a crisis; I am not excellent with “first world problems”.  I will tell you to turn off your cell phone if you are facing me at the dinner table, I will not answer my phone or my doorbell if I do not feel the need for company unless you are my spouse, brother, or sister-in-law.  I do not like being “dropped in on” unexpectedly and although I am a public figure and very open about my issues- I still strive to live a private life where I am not bombarded by inanity or with the expectations to conform to the satisfaction of others.

I have kept the vast majority of friends I have made from middle school onward; but I have found that the American Asatru/Heathen community to be full of nothing but misguided Dungeons and Dragons players who pretend to be vikings in their free time and concoct middle-schoolish dramas of who-is-talking-to-whom and whisper down the lane….and frankly, I am tired of it.   I consider myself part of the greater Pagan community, and I have learned I could care less about Asatru.

I was raised Heathen.  For all I know, I might be one of less than ten people of European descent I know who was born into a heriatage and traditions that were not created this century, but rather are part of an almost extinct ethnic group that will likely be gone to history after my generation (Lettish).  The other side of my family consisted of Braucheri and Swiss Hexeri.   I guess it explains why so many friends of mine are Native American.

Why did I even care what some former Christians-come-born-again heathens think of me and my practices?   I was also educated from the age of 12 by the preiminant psychic in my region (Rose Moyer) as well as trained by a Navajo/Mongolian shaman in Tahlequah, Oklahoma- who was sincerely the creepiest mofo I have ever met in my life.  I have befriended voodoun clergy and have been taught ingenious ways of protecting myself,  I was also confirmed Lutheran and can likely out-Bible most biblical scholars.

I also have two bachelors degrees World religions and Philosophy- I graduated cum laude- and YES, it does mean something to me.   I was apprenticed as a Sufi and understand enough about Islam to know the way it is portrayed in this country is deplorable and the way it is suddenly practiced by extremists in other countries to be down right heretical.   Where is the Islam that invented calculus, sent diplomats to the entirety of Asia, Africa, and Europe to document foriegn traditions and customs, and where is the hospitality?


Where is Heathen hospitality?  Also, close to non-existent as people form tiny little pockets of wanna-be “Vikings” or “beserkers” and complety erasing the likely thousands of years of peaceful farming and serfdom from which they are much more likely descended.  The Latvians have hundreds of gods/spirits for plants, and yet, not a one who represents war. … not true for my Germanic heritage,   but I come from and honor both.

Also, how can we claim to honor our ancestors when we cannot even honor our families?  Most of you reading this are from broken homes, and unless you created peace in your adulthood with your own children- there are likely people who you are estranged from in your own families who either do not honor you nor you them.  How is it possible to believe that the Ancestors are Wise and Benevolent when our blood relations are ignorant and petty?

From what magical asshole did we pull out this load of bullshit….?  Or, is it that before television, radio, internet, and Encyclopedia Britanica did we have better families than we do now?  Or, was it more likely century upon century of physical/emotional/ and possibly sexual abuse?   This crap isn’t new to this century- only NOW it’s considered a problem.

What do I have to tell you about our Gods?  I can tell you that our stories about them reflect ourselves more likely than their natures.   The intelligent are punished and scapegoated- the ones who are seen as the most “powerful” are flocked to, and the perceived “weak” are closeted to the back of our mind and our bookshelves….why?  Because Asatru is an invented tradition as much as Wicca.

Yes.  There. I said it.  Odin himself did not come down from Asgard and give us “Asatru”.  People invented it from snippets of stories and oral traditions where real, honest Heathen families have persisted and existed for centuries persecuted and hid behind the Lutheran church and kept their real beliefs locked tight within their families- and many still do.

My grandmother is a fan of Janis- also known as Freyr.  His name is “Janis” because when the Christians invaded they realized the only way they could keep their God was to name him after St. John….and yet, even in Latvia, his symbol is an erect phallus still DESPITE the Christianization.

I am beginning to hate facebook.  I am beginning to DESPISE scholars who argue picayune psuedofacts as both their lives go to shit and they miss the big picture:  That every single person’s idea of religion and spirituality creates a unique perspective and there is NO ONE RIGHT TRANSLATION.

Your Masters/PhD= effectively advanced plagiarism of other scholars.  Hell, that’s what most BA’s are.  “Cite your sources”- and yet “Living life” is not considered valid enough to count.  Does not one other person take issue with this?

Your religion is what you live every single day, it’s how you interact or not interact with the world around you- it’s the words you speak, the food you cook, the habits and vices that control you, who you worship and even how you take a dump.   Your life and your religion is every single day of your goddamned lives.  It’s not just in magical moments or when you say some “magic words” holding a hammer, stine, horn, or candle.

Covens and Kindreds do not work because eventually, in Real Life, ideally, people leave the home, find a spouse, and create their own families.  Some friends and family stay in your life, others leave…. there is no formal service to “bind” those that stay together- in fact- it can be absolutely detrimental to all involved when one’s life path may take them to other parts of the world or open them to ideas that the rest of the group is not cool with.   Freedom of motion- people come, people go, some return, some die, some fall, some soar, and some disappear entirely.  There are people who you care for who do not care for you, there are people who think they care for you that truly do not know you and you do not care for.

Such is life.

Most families are dysfunctional- dysfunctional people who do not own their dysfunction seek other dysfunctional people.

People who receive treatment, therefore, are oftentimes seen as a negative catalyst- for it makes the entire scene uncomfortable and raises questions.

Lokians:  What are we?  People who understand the alienation of intelligence, the always learning, always growing, those whose opinions can shift with evidence.   We are not remotely the same in origin, obligations, intellect, nor motivations.

Most of us have other Gods-  I have Tyr and I have Freyr.  I have met the Morrigan, been comforted by Eir, been commanded to “Stand down” by Odin and also been the sole witness for oaths in his name, and I have been coddled by Inari.   I have been welcomed by Allah, I have found refuge in Jesus, I have seen Anubis as a jackel and Cernunnos as a man whose feet I warmed in a dream where I was a small, orange fox. I have danced with Hanuman and Ganesha. I have embraced Kuan Yin, and had intimate conversations with Inanna.  I have sculpted the image of Pele.  Kali kept me from destroying a transgender who almost-but not quite- destroyed me.  I have served as a messenger service to Freyja, and I have learned that Hel is direct, but sweet. I have prayed to Bast for the safety and comfort of my cats.  I’ve prayed to a nameless Goddess in an icestorm before my sportscar was hit by a tractor trailer in my early 20’s and I walked away from a foamed-down vehicle with nothing more than whiplash.

I went to Spain to find the Muslim God and found Him waiting in Morocco to tell me that He does not live in any Mosque or altar, no matter how grand- and I see Him as an ocean, where I see those of other pantheons as men and women…and occasionally animals.

Do I care if you believe me?  No.
Do I care if you agree with me?  No.
Am I crazy?  Well, I collect SSD.  Make your own determination there- however, my diagnosis is PTSD (complex), Anxiety, and Depression with both labels of abuse survivor and survivor of torture.

What do I care about?  I care about my household, my fiancee, my biological brother and his wife,  my long-term close friends of all faiths and creeds- some of which I have known for over 18 years.  Some of whom, I have only known 12 via a now defunct think tank online.

I care about most of my ex-lovers and wish them happiness- and I am friends with most of them.

I do not see my personal beliefs as up for debate since they are mine and mine alone-  if others share my point of view or do not share my point of view it does not add or subtract from my experience….and that was my decision to make.

Today I am angry,  most days when I post I am either inspired by anger, inspired by blessings, or asked to write on a topic by a peer who wishes to see my take on things.

Today I am angry because my father places higher value on his second marriage family then he does his blood children.
Today I am angry because a creepy mother fucker who believes in keeping slaves believes me to not disgusted by his lifestyle.
Today I am angry because that same person wants to write about our “estrangement” last year which was caused by him basically stalking me and defaming me to the community.
Today I am angry because I have been unable to secure a place for my wedding and I have watched promises fall through…so now I can’t trust.
Today I am angry at my fiancee’s former best friend who USED him for free martial arts lessons while stealing his money, for all the effort I put into attempting to befriend the man who turned out to be a pretentious, conceited reptile who demanded I treat him as a guru because he “sat at the feet” of the “greatest people”.  No human being is great, you fucking asshat.

Today I am angry because I lost my paternal grandparents not to death, but to the tea party- who would not visit me in the hospital and despise me for an illness I did not bring on myself when I used to have a close relationship with them.
Today I am angry because I was diagnosed with a heart condition last week I have had evidence of for years- and I am being given emergency tests for the next several weeks as if I am in a life or death crisis.  My pulse is 110-150, my blood pressure 90-110/70 ALWAYS.
Today I am angry that my mother still lives, breathes, and carries on a life outside of a prison cell- she was an abusive, paranoid schizophrenic who beat and verbally abused me for 17 years.  I personally know a man in prison right now who worked 80 hour weeks and couldn’t make child support.  He is not free, but my mother is.
Today, I am angry at the world, the universe, and the man who knocked and then OPENED my door on Friday night when I did not come to answer it.  I do not care who he is, I do not know- but my cats could have escaped and gotten hurt.  If I do not answer my door- I do not wish company.  If I do not answer my phone, I do not wish to speak.
Today I am angry I cannot get the treatment I need because I am not a veteran, and my therapist is incompetent on my condition.  It will be several months until I can see one who CAN treat me.

So.  Bugger off.  The friends who know and love me will know I love them in return.  For the rest,  leave me the Fuck alone and keep me out of your fantasy realms, please.

Weird People; Stranger ideas… A Statement on Comparative Religion

Posted in About me, Justice, On the Gods with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 21, 2013 by Tyrienne
Norse Gods by Floriflor of

Norse Gods by Floriflor of

I promised today by a friend’s encouragement I would check in on the latest community outcry over the discovery that there are people who are claiming they are having valid UPG’s (unverified personal gnosis) regarding fictional characters/gods, or those who confuse the “Real” Gods with Pop-media interpretations by the same name.

I am of several thoughts on the matter; first of all- we are dealing with an issue which is multidimensional.   I knew a few people in my high school who were very vaguely sensitive to psychic energy; but they were complete idiots and ascribed all things mystical to “dragons.”  To the rest of us with slightly more ability, we would raise our eyebrows and try to explain calmly that, no, not all psychic energy can be ascribed to dragons because that is the image they attached to metaphysical phenomena in their little heads…. but ultimately, people will believe what they choose to believe.  They sensed something “real” they could not fully comprehend, so their minds filled in the blanks the best they could-  this has happened since humanity began- it’s creative, but creativity is not the same as truth.

This is my personal experience of the Norse Gods:

Personally, I am not a fan of Marvel’s interpretation of the Norse pantheon, especially with my connection to Loki- the Loki I know is eloquent, diplomatic, and incredibly resourceful- he is a loner who serves as a nexus of connections for every purpose rather than a “leader” and if given the chance to “lead” a group he would respectfully point you towards someone more willing for the job.  Loki is not an antagonist to the Norse, he is a truth-teller of uncomfortable truth…why?  Because being stuck in social situations based on lies when your primary attribute is intelligence is almost painful to tolerate; polite niceties, false fronts, and white lies make life more complicated than necessary- and there are other things that need to be accomplished without all the added bullshit.   There are Gods who equally intolerant of such things- but they keep such things in check by other means.  Where Loki will expose a flaw, weakness, or weak link in a community- Tyr will simply quietly watch the troublesome party until injustice has occurred by their actions and then He will take swift judgement and retribution; especially against those who speak ill against His name- whereas Loki is almost “used” to being maligned.

Vidarr remains silent and absents himself from all conversation allowing his actions to speak for Him…. and when faced with absurdity, Freyr will politely find the company of more rational minds and absent himself entirely.  Hela forever remains outside the little nexus and vertices of any and all human interpersonal drama-  She prefers to speak to her chosen individually; and likely gives each dead man and woman their time.

I have no idea how Thor handles the raging throngs of devotees and fans he has accrued.  If I were him, it would be sufficient reason to drink- but I do not know Him well, and we have only interacted once on His behest.  On that occasion, he was extraordinarily gentle in the fact that I was contributing to the whole Loki vs. Thor debacle the American community has concocted and He wished for me to meet Him personally so I could personally hear from Him that He is no adversary to Loki, but instead a close confidant.  Also, He asked that when there is a situation that requires Action rather than Diplomacy, to never be hesitant to call on Him.  Like His rune, Thurisaz, He can both erect boundaries or remove them swiftly depending on the need.

As for Odin, wise, militant, mad, and brilliant Woten- All Father to most, and Blood Brother to Loki;  He is the most unpredictable of them all; when He speaks, you are silent and there is no room for argument- He is Right.  But He also speaks in riddles at times, and leaves it to you to discern His meaning when He blesses you with His guidance.

The Norse I know WILL lead you through fire, test you, and temper you like steel-  As Lokian, you are to use your mind to find your way, an Odinsperson is to use their intuition….and a Tyrsperson will have their Honor tested again and again. Helspeople will be found to comfort the grieving as well as to assist with transitions of those already passed….  the undertakers of this world may be less seen than they have ever been at any point in history at this moment- but the chosen of the Gods of the dead: Morrigan, Anubis, Hel, Baron Samedi, Izanami, and the Shinigami still exist and their real “work” in this life is not their nine-to-five job.

Those of the Tricksters: Loki, Inari, Papa Legba, Coyote, Eris, and even Odin will always question human rules and limitations- all human laws and rules are transient; divine law is immutable- they prove to us that we will never conclusively know ANYTHING, much less everything- it is the wise person who is more aware of how much they do not know rather than he or she who is secure in what they believe they do know.

There are the peacemakers: Baldr, Frigga, Freyr, Kuan Yin, Buddha, Apollo, and friendly vaetirr-  They will stand in fire themselves to stop needless conflict; even the most hardened warrior knows the best battle is the one avoided.

Gods of Love and/or passion:  Inanna, Freyr, Aphrodite, Eros,  Freyja, Frigg and countless others…  Honest Love is more important than any other human goal.

There are those of the Gods of war: Tyr, Berchta, Thor, Ares, Athena, The Morrigan (again), Freyja, Inanna, and Odin- there are actions necessary for change…  it would be utopia to live in a world without war- but conflict is necessary for growth.

In fact, Thor indicated most “walk away” from Tyr, for living life as a Tyrsperson is excruciatingly difficult since the demands of what is Honorable leave no margin for error; however, I have also found His demands upon me to be few…but those few are time consuming, put me in the spotlight when my Lokian nature prefers shadow, and oftentimes lead me into direct confrontation with many people’s cherished beliefs or life practices which to Tyr, are unacceptable.

If you wish to work with Tyr, you must abide by his rules of unflinching truth, bravery through fear, and occasionally sacrifice for the greater good- you will never be promised wealth, popularity, or any other stupid human desire; but rather, you have the reward of doing “the right thing” for it’s own sake- that is the only proper reward given and accepted by a Tyrian….but it comes at the cost of interpersonal relationships at times- and further, it exposes you openly to those who would knock you down equally to those who would support you.  He didn’t get to keep his hand; he knew the Aesir were lying to Fenrir, and he knew that lies have a price to be paid.   Tyr is fairness, judgement, leadership, and war: both the avoidance of war as well as knowing it’s necessity; that there will be times in our lives we will need to fight, metaphorically or physically, to keep all from slavery, subjugation, and untruth.

So, we have people worshipping Marvel Thor, My Little Ponies, Gods from S&M novels, teletubbies, and weebles….  What does this all mean?  The same thing it has always meant and will always mean- some people do not have the functioning capacity to accurately perceive the reality of mystiscm and therefore, do the best they can with the analogies they have available in their minds.  I cannot possibly deny that thoughts and intentions have a power of their own- and according to Plato (as a former Philosophy student) thoughts themselves can be/ may be more solid and “real” than our perception of reality.   There are people in Russia who worship the characters of 1990’s cartoon show “Tailspin” and a cult in Florida who believes that Elian Gonzales is the second coming of Christ.

We have millions of people who picture Jesus as blonde haired and blue eyed despite the fact that the region in which he was born was entirely Semitic indicating it is far more likely if he existed he would have possessed dark hair and eyes as well as tan skin.   People have gone out of their way to make their Jesus look as they do- to make Their God a reflection of them….so too, that is what we are seeing with  those who are simply “fans” of spirituality rather than actual spiritual practitioners.

A true spiritual practitioner will never ask you for your subservience-  that is given to the Gods alone- they do not care for most human concerns knowing that in being spiritual, most if not all of their needs will be provided for.   Most will be tested by poverty, madness, and/or severe illness over the course of their lives which deepens them and allows them greater compassion for others; a bitter man is one who has walked away from his sacred calling…. and I have known several to be “former” clergy/teachers/chosen of Gods.  Their auras are marked with silver grey where there used to be gold- and they often fall victim to human trappings of vanity, pride, fame, greed, or paranoia- or perhaps even other things I do not know of and thankfully have not observed yet.

Some Gods will take you back if you stray from the path….other Gods, there is no returning to, ever.  People do not like finality, they fear death, and they fear change- yet all three things will be experienced in every single human lifetime.   There are people who do not forgive, there are actions that are unforgivable (namely, those who harm innocents without remorse), there are animals in nature that will always kill to survive, there are endings and there are beginnings; life chapters that perhaps some pages of the future have a few words written already, but mostly- you are on your own to create your life and make what choices you will to make your own life tolerable.  Most people in the United States, sadly, will have no “life” to speak of- as they age they will grow into increasing self-isolation and allow television and other distractions to take the place of human interaction and communion with nature- they will work jobs with people they hate, and some with create families they will grow to resent simply because they do what is expected of them- these people will never find lasting fulfillment.

Regardless of which religion or path you follow- understand that you will not always “gain” what you put into it-  sometimes, there will be windfalls, sometimes, there will be storms- regardless, if you are “called”- you are expected if you accept that call to devote the entirety of yourself to your practices, to reading, speaking, exploring, listening, and even teaching.   You are not to seek a title out of pride, but out of necessity to distinguish yourself like a lighthouse so that the lost may easily find you, and in turn, find their Gods.  As clergy, your job is to step in as an intermediary to connect a person to the Divine…. then allow the Divine to make of that person what they will.

Not all people are clergy, not all people who declare themselves as clergy are recognized as such by the Gods, and regardless of classes, degrees, certifications or any of that nonsense- a clergyman/woman will be what they are if they are “certified” or not.  What is promised is that they will always know that not all questions have answers; and the answers that do exist are not the ones that people usually wish to hear.

There are very few times in life where no work is necessary, (unless one already works too hard-) and our culture is habitually lazy.

Never trust the person who gives the most comforting answer to the difficult questions, because that person is one who is not in the company of Gods, but one who seeks the company and comfort of humanity who will praise him/her for being so gentle.

Some Gods are gentle at times, but most are not.  Some Gods you’ve heard of never existed and never will outside of fantasy, some Gods you never heard of are Real and will continue to exist without your knowledge of them.   Your own willpower creates much of the reality you experience- thus, many people can falsely attribute their success of their endeavors to just about anything.

One problem with our culture is we have been trained by monotheism to believe ourselves to be “powerless”-  however, even the Bible states “He who has faith the size of a mustard seed may command a mountain to move, and move it shall.”   Faith does not necessarily indicate a divine influence, but rather a trust in a result.

There is a difference.

So, where do I stand?  I can only speak for myself- and my own knowledge is limited to my own personal experience.  I am more experienced than some and much less experienced than some others.   I believe that people “make up” their own gods all the time much like children make up imaginary friends-  however, I believe the relation between that point of view the reality of Godhood is the same as that between an imaginary friend and real, human companion.

I have made references to the shadows on the cave wall in several other postings of mine-  what we are dealing with is nothing more than people interpreting shadows on the wall who lack the ability to turn around and see what causes them.  People who see shapes in clouds and then bow down before them in worship- despite the fact that the next person to the right of them sees nothing but water vapor.

There are many things in life that we as humans have enough personal power from within ourselves to create and destroy without the help or hindrance of any deity whatsoever.

There are thoughtforms that people have put extraordinary amounts of human energy into over many centuries that persist- they are “real” in the sense that they have been made “real” much like one can create a teddy bear.  The teddy bear will act predictably and will be able to do what tasks up to a human’s knowledge of how to make it accomplish tasks- (think robotics).   However, a teddy bear bares little resemblance to a real bear which, by nature, thinks independently from humans, is not 100% predictable in actions, and although may be studied- may never be reproduced cell-by-cell by humans.  In this analogy, I think of Christ as a captured bear, defanged and dressed in garish regalia- his wildness taken from him and forced into the image of mankind where the Jesus-of-the-wild would rally against the exact same people who would have him forced to be imagined in such a way.   Jesus is not a God of the rich, the judgmental, or  the corrupt….and yet, to those same people he is their greatest tool for manipulation of the masses.  If the Nazarene ever existed, He would not be recognized by the majority of his followers if He materialized in front of them.

Same goes for Thor, these days….Loki, Odin, Bastet, Isis, Brigid, or any other popular God or Goddess you can name.

You will not know the true spiritualist by their friends, you will know them by their loneliness….though their friends may be many, most of their time will be in the company of very very few- since their time, ultimately, belongs first to their devotion to those who sustain them.

Also, as Lokian, I need to state: there are exceptions to every rule.   But this is what I do know:

1. Not all who claim to be heathen/Asatru will go to Valhalla- that is for the warriors who die in battle and honorable women- Please pay your respects and give honor to Hela while you are alive for it is better to do so now than apologize when you are dead.

2. Thor abhors purposeless bloodshed.  There is times and a reasons for war, but not all are legitimate.

3. Not everyone is cut out to be spiritual; those who have the Gods favor do not care about your disapproval very much-  the approval of their Gods is worth more than the approval of any human.  Those who do not have the Gods favor will ever be begging for human acceptance.

4. Love and family are worth all sacrifice-  However, family is something you create more than something you are born into.  Those who are the children of atrocious people are honor-bound to stop the cycles of abuse; and find their own honor and create their own families upon adulthood.   We are not beholden to care for those in old age who did not care properly for their young.  That is their punishment; poor behavior and injustice overrides any blood tie.  Those who harm the innocent are best neutralized and sterilized.

5. Any person can be caustic if they are in the wrong environment;  just as any person can be virtuous if given the correct tools and desire to be so.   What may be a close friend to one person may not be the healthiest choice for you.   Be very wary of people who are liked by “everyone”; oftentimes they are least honest.  One who has detractors may indicate that they have the courage to speak their true mind- give all people the benefit of the doubt and make your own judgement on each person rather than relying on the words of others.

6. There are no laws created by humans that are 100% just for all other humans.  There is no one experience, perception, or thought that is true for all people, and there is no person who should be revered over any other.   All humans are fallible- do not trust those who demand your respect.  Respect flows like water naturally- if it must be forced, then it is tyranny.

7. Finally:  Keep an open mind; as humans, everything you think you know is suspect to be proven false at any time.

Hail to my patrons, Loki and Tyr- the All-Father, Freyr, and all others who watch over me and those I care for.  Hail to those of other Pantheons who have blessed me, Hanuman, Inari, Inanna, Kuan Yin, Allah, and all I may have forgotten.

I raise a horn to the truth that two true spiritual people, regardless of who they worship, will always find common ground!

May the Gods watch over us all- and if they do not speak to you, then I pray that awareness grows to discover why they would not.

I do not have the answers.  I only have my thoughts, my experiences, and my personal Truth- and that Truth can change at any moment if I am proven wrong. 🙂

Name change.

Posted in About me, Uncategorized on May 10, 2013 by Tyrienne
Fox-Fire woman.  (Artist unknown.)

Fox-Fire woman.
(Artist unknown.)

After realizing I have stated several times in this blog that I am not, in fact Asatru-  (Not that there is anything wrong with Asatruars!) I have decided to change the name of this blog to more accurately reflect the contents within.  Let me know if you feel this change is better, and if not, what you would suggest!

Hail Loki!

On Disgrace

Posted in About me, Justice with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 9, 2013 by Tyrienne

A wolf and his God…. (artist unknown)

Disgrace-  two words  “Dis” indicating the negative, and “grace”- that which is benevolent and flowing.  To dis-grace is to go against the benevolent, the flowing, the beautiful if you want to be poetic.

I love reading the posts of my Lokian mystic compatriot Myriad in Germany- her words always always serve as an excellent kick start for what I wish to say allowing me to organize my thought processes a little more coherently to share with the public at large.

Yesterday, I lit candles for both Loki and Odin, only to extinguish them minutes later…. I was angry, I realized-  I was having flashbacks again… a domino effect of every terrible moment experienced in the last several years- the loss of my grandparents as they called me a “disgrace” for committing myself for  psychiatric help, the love letters from a professor that were used to manipulate me for months, being the dirty secret of my ex-fiancee after he found out his ex was pregnant with his child, intentionally, knowing they were breaking up.  The people who betrayed my fiancee and blamed me for their own selfish intentions.   Then, add in entire communities worth of people- like small packs of wild dogs who tear at me and my reputation- to the point where I have learned that reputation cannot be such an important thing since it is fragile enough for any liar to create any story to smash it like a snowflake made of thin glass.

I searched my old email address yesterday for over 400 letters that were exchanged between myself and a man writing under an alias- I gave up, I was going to forward them to a friend of mine to “clear my name” with his father who ran the department in my old college….only to find that apparently during another episode of flashbacks I had deleted them all well over a month ago.   Copies still exist-my psychologist has some, the guidance office, the deans, as well as the last letters posted publicly in my old journal as a “cease and desist” when I desired no further communication.

But then, what purpose would it serve?  Clearing my name is great, but at what price?   I am strong enough to recognize sickness in others- and I realized I don’t have the strength (or weakness) for vengeance.   My friend made it through his last year of college without coming to harm, and our friendship is still intact despite what his father thinks.  Isn’t that enough?

I found myself in an argument two days ago with a friend of mine I see as vastly more intelligent than I am- however- his only flaw lies in his absolute disgust with any of the LBGTQ movement.   When I was a child, I wished to be a boy- I dressed up in my superhero pajamas’s and tried to make a zipline from my “rainbow brite” canopy bed to my high bookshelf- I refused dresses, I wasn’t nurturing, I wanted to jump from the top of the playground equipment and roar like a wildcat chasing, and outrunning others- wanting to be the best boy who was not a boy….to the point of arguing with the gym teacher to teach me to throw a spiral football rather than learn field hockey.  Back in the day, that was considered “disgraceful”- and I was put into therapy where they attempted to force me to play with dolls, fix my hair with lace barrettes, and other female-approved activities.

I indicated to my friend that the dissolution of gender roles has been one of the few boons I have experienced in life; thinking as a child I would have to get massive surgeries to change my gender as I got older- only to reach my 30’s and realize that I am perfectly fine expressing my natural personality in a female body without the fear of repercussions that existed even through the 1980’s of what defines male vs. female.  I learned in Anthropology classes in my late teenage years that what is expected of gender roles changes from culture to culture, decade to decade.  In my late 20’s, I learned that if I were born in Iran- gender reassignment surgery would have been free- rendering the argument my one professor posed against me moot.  “You would survive five minutes if you were born in Iran.”  No, I would have thrived- I would have taken Ahmadinejad’s  offer at the age of consent and RAN with it….and would be living as a man by 21- uncovered, free, and likely on my way to the life of either a mystic or a scholar.

So, what is disgrace?  Going against what is commonly considered “acceptable”- here, I have never NOT been in disgrace by some person, group, or family member no matter how I look at it- which is likely why Loki turned out to be one of my most steadfast of influences on me today.  Eventually, one becomes immune to the vast majority of the opinions of others- I did years ago, barring the opinions of those who are very closest to me.  I keep consistent friendships that last for decades….and for every person who disparages me, there seem to be at least one or two people who respect me, or at very least, find my writings insightful.

The hardest truth I am learning to come to terms with is that one who is prone to telling lies can say ANYTHING.   My mother was an atrocious human being to the point of which I cut off all contact with her nearly a decade ago- and the one thing that stands out most in my abusive childhood is the constant, unrelenting screaming of being called a “liar”- by a schizophrenic who would punish me until I told her what she believed was “truth”…. basically meaning I would have to lie to avoid further punishments.  That altered me so fundamentally that in my adult years I have become transparent.   If I have skeletons in my closet- the closet has an open door and they party in my living room.

I am a disgrace-  But I am an honest one.

I can tell you I slept with my ex-fiancee the day before I “officially” broke up with my ex-boyfriend of 6 years….despite the fact that I told the man I was going to Canada specifically to explore that relationship possibility and that our relationship had already fallen into abusive ruin.  Does that make me “officially” a cheater despite the fact that I told the man I was with our relationship was not working to the point of misery months before I left and that I was going to Canada EXPRESSLY to explore if I was in love with someone else?

I can tell you I outright LIED to save the reputation of the faculty member I mentioned above for the first two years of knowing him….people would ask me where he was, why things weren’t turned in on time, and what he was doing and I played dumb.  I did this because I was told to protect him.  I learned later that in such “protection” I likely harmed the man by enabling the self depreciating behaviors and lack of spirituality on his part that lead to the demise of our working relationship and friendship.  I predicted my youngest friend would be the next person to become his “confidant”-and he did- but to my immense relief, not anywhere close to the sick, twisted interactions I had with the that professor.

He was the only person I would lie for- and I learned again that lying gets me nowhere….  what would have happened if I had allowed him to be held accountable for his actions his first year of employment?  I overheard everything others said about him, and dutifully reported all that was said back to him- he might not have lasted his first year; he was unreliable, unpredictable, and uninvolved.  I was told to “protect” him, and I did, I saved his life once….but I was NEVER told to sacrifice my own morality and sense of honor and honesty on his behalf-which is my regret.

Now, for what?  A year without breath as I worried myself sick for my young friend who I feared would become a new target… I was right and I was wrong.  My friend was not harmed, to my immense relief;   Just a simple, intelligent, and  insecure young man feeding an older, intelligent, insecure man admiration for his thoughts-nothing more; and to his credit- I was not even brought up in conversation or gaslit as I thought I would be.

There is a difference between sickness and sociopathy…. and I derived a small comfort that both these people, one of which I still care about profoundly and the other I used to care for as well found mutual support without any of the apparent disease associated when I was in a similar position.

However, I have also learned that in speaking truth, there is consequences; especially regarding the actions of others.  There are times where I feel morally responsible to bring wrong-doing to light- and in each instance it causes extraordinary discomfort for the parties involved- leading to, most cases, lies on their end to try and recover that elephant in the room.   I told an open hall outright that the local AFA leader asked my fiancee to “represent” the organization by telling him which Gods he may or may not hail.   I told the kinsbrother of a situation of oathbreaking  in his own kindred involving three members- after several months of allowing them the chance to do so themselves.   Why did I do the latter?  Because I was drunk and it actually mentally hurt to keep it a secret when it affected the wyrd of her group so profoundly since I could put myself in my friends’ shoes….knowing I would want to know if I were him.

It has lead me to pull away from the community at large and simply focus on Freyja’s Hall exclusively and on my writing.

If you want to call me a disgrace, here is the ammunition you need:

– I am mentally ill with C-PTSD which causes daily, insufferable flashbacks.
– I am collecting disability
– I am non-cisgender- the more I dress like a “lady” the more I feel like Mrs. Doubtfire-  Every day is Halloween to me- the more feminine the outfit- the more drag I feel.
– I support our troops with all my heart, but do not condone most of the actions of my government.  I fear my government.
-I had my license suspended for two months (currently) because I had a flat tire- was interrogated for 5 hours, and my blood test revealed that my “standard” dose of anti-anxiety medications is several times higher than what is considered normal.
-I have committed myself to psychiatric hospitals three times- I do not regret it.
-I have had at least 3 unsuccessful suicide attempts (likely more, but the memory is hazy)- including being pulled off a bridge in Saskatoon… each time was because I was harmed unfairly by another so badly I felt I was too flawed to continue existing.
– I worship Allah and have several Islamic tattoos (which is heresy, btw)
– I believe that Islam has been hijacked in the name of violence in the same way Christianity was for the crusades and inquisition.  Neither of which are real religions anymore.
– I don’t follow ANY religion anymore- I am not Asatru, and I am not Muslim. I have learned that religions are simply a way of creating packs of wild dogs who bark and fight with one another; Instead- I walk my own path- which is a combination of shamanism, sufism, panpaganism, and heathenry.
-However, I also understand there are beings more powerful than I and less powerful than He- meaning I also adore Loki, Tyr, Odin, Inari, Inanna, Hanuman, and others who have come to me in my dreams and meditations as teachers, guides, leaders, and friends…and I have even more tattoos indicating this.
-I want our government to cease all violent overseas activity.
-I want our currency to be backed by a metal standard.
-I believe forming exclusive “survivalist” groups is hysterical; you are making yourselves into human targets and/or scapegoats for future atrocities.
-I no longer vote- since I realized my vote means nothing and that both parties are owned by the same corporations.
-I believe whole-heartedly in marijuana as a viable painkiller/anti anxiety drug (though I do not smoke currently for fear of my government, despite the fact that it helped me immensely with my symptoms when I did.)
-I believe in premarital sex and the right to have an abortion and all humans the right to choose to be voluntarily sterilized. ( I have a hysterectomy, much of my gender issues resolved themselves after I stopped having periods.)
-I do not endorse or support the enslavement, subjugation, or servitude of any human to any other human- including sexually, academically, or spiritually. (To serve the Gods are a different matter entirely.)
–If you willingly allow yourself to come to harm by your own recognizance or be subjugated by another- you are weak and to be pitied; I feel compassion for you, but I do not condone your choices.
– I look at the world today and consider anyone who works for another human being as an indentured wage slave….regardless of how nice the compensation is.  Back in the old South, House Slaves were given better treatment than field slaves… however, neither were free.
-If I ran the world, it would be a limited geniocracy- like ancient Athens but lacking the gender discrimination… however, with the exclusion of those who exhibit sociopathic/psychopathic tendencies.  Alternatively, a society ruled by the kind and courageous.
– I do not believe gender is anymore important in today’s society than eye color. We already have too many people.
-I believe in kindness towards everyone until they have taken explicit action to directly harm you.
– I believe you cannot be harmed by any “bad magic” if you are truly innocent.
– I feel no guilt in directing negative intention to those who have intentionally harmed me, and I derive pleasure at their suffering. – – -Schadenfreude is my favorite word in German.
– I believe the universe is fair, but humans are not…. the Gods do not make our lives shitty, people do.
– I do not believe money is a “good” thing, I do not believe seeking riches is an admirable goal- I would rather be poor and kind than rich and selfish.
– If I have the money, I will give it to those who need it more than myself…. to my detriment.
– I feel if a person is wealthy and does not give most of their wealth to charity then they are poor in ethics and spirituality.
(My grandparents would literally give me hundreds of dollars when I was already wealthy- but disowned me when I was poor and sick.  This made me realize that they are not good people….they would also kill neighborhood cats and dogs that “annoyed” them)
– There is no such thing as a Good person who “dislikes” and/or is avoided by animals.
– I do not believe in race….but every culture has it’s own special brand of asshole.
– I understand that the “Aryan Race” is bullshit-  “Aryan” is a cognate of “Iran” and “Caucasian” comes from the Caucus mountains in Iran and Turkey.  Every person I see promoting Aryan/Caucasian “pride” I judge you as poorly researched, bigotted, and stupid.
-Latvia was NEVER fully Christianized, considering that my own grandmother sees Jesus as just one of many options out there.
-I believe killing a fetus is better than abusing a child….100% of the time.  Abortions should be free, easily accessible, and not stigmatized. I have taken several women to get abortions and I have never regretted it.  On the same token-  on the third abortion after age 18, it is indicative of poor enough decision making skills that the right to parenthood should be taken away via mandatory sterilization.
-If abortion is “wrong” because it “messes with the plans of the God(s)-” then fertility treatments are equally reprehensible.  God(s) obviously deemed you as unworthy of being parents.  Deal with it and become a foster parent.  Your genes are too flawed to be passed down.
– If you do not take care of your own children, protect them, love them, and give them the majority of your time when they are young and helpless, you are a terrible human being.
-If you have EVER knowingly harmed a child, an animal, or an innocent person- you deserve any and all suffering you experience.
– I cannot love my own mother and cannot even see her as human; after 17 years of profound abuse and neglect I view her as a rabid animal nothing more and she takes up little of my mind-space.
-Theft of someone’s livelihood is reprehensible.

-Yes,  I judge you for the decisions and actions you take in life….as I know I am also judged by those around me.   It doesn’t change much except in cases where active harm is being committed against the unwilling.

This is who I am.  This is what I believe.  Loki is a scapegoat, as is Lilith, Lucifer, Satan, Prometheus, Jinns/Djinns, demons, satanists,  or any other supernatural “bad person” you can think of, or simply people who you are supposed to “demonize” for having opposing values-  this is societies way of instilling values of what is not acceptable.  Currently, in the Asatru movement to renounce Loki, it indicates a lack of value in honesty, intelligence, diplomacy, and humor.  Too many Asatru have no sense of humor….except in racist jokes.   I like all jokes, really- even really filthy, dirty, inappropriate, racist, sexist ones.  I do not discriminate- but when the only thing that makes you laugh is a joke about a minority, you should reevaluate your priorities.  Also, stop calling yourselves “white” unless you are naturally albino.  Peach, light tan, oak colored, or beige is accurate.   White and Black make no sense unless you are literally those colors… your world view is flawed if you think otherwise.

Christians in despising Satan/Lucifer/The devil indicate they do not stand with rebellion, education (the snake in the garden who did not lie), or personal responsibility.   Please make up your minds if you are “children of God” or his slaves.   A child does not get on their knees in front of a parent unless the parent is extraordinarily abusive.  If you are “in bondage to sin” and have been since birth, why are you supposed to love the one who judges you?  It was my own mother who called me “evil” from a young age- does that make her a good parent?

Muslims-There is no other text but the Quran, and it was written over a thousand years ago-  first of all, stop reading the Hadithe materials, second, read the book yourself WITHOUT ADDED ACCENT MARKS ON THE ARABIC.  Then understand that as society grows and changes, so too, does the interpretation of the book-  it was written intentionally to be vague and for each person to read it personally and draw their own conclusions based on what is holy and what is simply historical within the text.  I doubt Mohammad recited the parts of the Quran that speak about his own actions- why would that make any sense?!

For those who believe there is an “Enemy” out there- there is, it’s called “ignorance” and the only remedy is thought, research, and conversation…  If you follow the words/beliefs/laws of another without even a single question as to the morality of said things you are not living a life, but following a crowd.

The most courageous people in our history have often been killed; Martin Luther King Jr. removed burning crosses from his lawn, John Lennon was shot, Kurt Cobain who spoke out against the record industry killed himself (questionably).

Our comedians speak more truth than our politicians:  the late George Carlin, Stephen Colbert, Jon Stewart, Robin Williams, Eddie Izzard, Margaret Cho, and so many others.

The best people our world has ever known, many do not know how good they were:
Fred Rodgers- spoke actively to congress on several occasions protecting the rights of children, education, and public broadcasting
Jim Varney- better known as “Ernest” from the Ernest movies spent most of his time and money visiting sick children.
Nikola Tesla- wanted to give the entire world FREE electricity; died penniless
Cyrus the Great of Persia – wrote the very FIRST codex on human rights, and allowed free practice of all customs and religions under his rule.
Dr. Jonas Salk- Invented one of the first Polio vaccines and refused to patent it…for the good of the people

…and so many others.

But, in all of this rambling, what comes out is what is it to be a “disgrace” but to be an outcast, abnormal, and unaccepted?  Does disgrace go against honor?  And can an honorable action for one person be considered dishonorable for another…well, obviously- yes.

I would like a world with a little less closet space, a lot more honesty, kindness, and a great deal less war.  In every video game I play- I notice that the objective to “kill” literally hundreds of depicted human beings doesn’t even give one thought to pause-  and yet, sex is still considered taboo.

Gods willing, people will have more sex than war in their lives… but sometimes, it seems that people are being trained for a thirst for blood, a clear “enemy” and someone/someones to demonize and terrorize as they see fit.  This, my friends, is dishonorable.   To disagree is fine- to abuse, degrade, lie about, and gain friends over a common “enemy” is dishonorable.

I have been through a lot, but I ultimately came to the conclusion I cannot blame the Gods for my bad experiences- but I can thank them for helping me get through them….and ultimately, I can thank them for their acceptance and protection of me- with the understanding that in exchange, I will do my best to be the most honest and caring person I can be… and the candles were re-lit today with my apologies.

A quote to sum this all up:

“You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” -Winston Churchill 

I find it no coincidence that Prometheus, Tyr, and Loki are all Gods of both fire and sky… all of which sacrificed, all of which brought much more good to mankind than evil- and all three of which have been punished accordingly for their audacity.