It is Never Too Late To Be Honorable.

Hugin

Huginn (thought), Muninn (memory), and the eye of Odin.
Artist unknown

One of the defining characteristics of modern Christianity I absolutely despise is the idea of instant forgiveness of sin.   A man can lie, cheat, steal, and at the end of the day, say a couple of magical words to a great beardy man in the sky and he is forgiven:  No need to recompass  to who he has harmed, his slate is wiped clean.

So, it remains also true in Islam- another major faith- that by saying the Shahada (There is no god but Allah and Muhammad is his prophet)- so too, that person is assuaged of all guilt, given a clean slate by their god and they can carry forth born anew in a new life of Islam.

Both religions leaving countless victims without recompense in their wake.

To further compound the damage of such actions, it became fashionable to pass off all dishonorable action by claiming “The devil made me do it.” or, by even more commonly claiming that the wronged party is some kind of heretic and karmatically deserving of false accusation and all that goes along with such things- since “They likely did something else to deserve it anyway.”

Is this the way these religions were intentioned to be practiced?  Most likely not.  However, I will tell you that current trends in Heathenry, especially regarding Loki in the United States are following the same disturbing and dishonorable pattern….both from my own personal experiences as well as the experiences of others who may be Lokians/Rokkr or what ever other flavor of non-accepted target group may be disregarded at the time.

Along with the falsely hyper-masculan image that many associate with Heathenry, so to comes the same bravado that believes that apologies for one’s actions make one seem “weak” in the face of other heathens.  Heathenry draws people in for its appearance of rawness, back-to-basics frith, honor, and simplicity- but how much thought is actually put into the concept of the word “honor”?   We are no longer able to solve our problems by taking our weapons outside and allowing our skill and the will of the Gods solve our conflicts for us by who remains standing.  For those of you who failed to notice, the year is 2013, not 1013.

So here we come to what is necessary for the continuation of our religion as something distinct from all other available options.  The idea of personal accountability.   Which, ironically enough, Loki has shown in several stories.  When he thought it funny to shave off Sif’s golden hair, when he found he did harm- he apologized in action by the giving of gifts to most of the Aesir.   When it seemed that by the help of Svaðilfari that our Gods would lose Freyja, Mani, and Sunna-  Loki sacrificed himself to distract the great stallion and bore the consequence of pregnancy- It was Loki’s idea to ask for aid in building Valhalla- and it was Loki who took the burden (literally) so that nothing was lost when things did not seem to be going as planned- and furthermore, the fruit of that was Sleipnir- the result of Loki’s pregnancy- which was given to Odin as a Mea Culpa of sorts for the distress caused- even though the outcome in the end was positive.

I, myself apologize frequently-  there are times when I absolutely am well within my right to flyte others- and I take those opportunities, but say far less than I could.  Generally speaking, if I confront someone with their own flaws- I say it directly to them, and also- I hold most of what I COULD say back.  Not for later ammunition, but rather, because I believe the punishment should fit the damage done.  If I have the capability to destroy someone with words, I will not take it- but also know that I Never say everything that I know.  I know what I say, I make certain what I say is appropriate- then I stop.   Not because I am weak, but because I know that in Honor I am not permitted to destroy any human being, regardless of what they may do to me… I may only point out the contradictory nature of their actions- then I am stopped.

I suppose this is another one of those Tyrian limitations.  The ability to flyte as Loki- but only when I am perfectly justified in doing so.  It causes me pain, I would rather flatten those who hurt me, knowing I have access to words that can basically destroy anyone I wish- but no means to use them is like having a cloak that allows you to fly-exactly 2 feet above the ground.

There was an incident within the past year where my fiancee informed me that when a married woman was pursuing him, that she informed another member of his former kindred of her intentions.   Out of my anger and pain in the situation, I threw this information at his goethe at the time….and in turn, the woman blamed me for falsely accusing her; despite the fact that I had gotten the information from my fiancee who received no blame.  Furthermore, when it turned out ALL information regarding the situation was being distorted by the dishonorable wife- no apologies were made despite the goethe himself Oathing to me before Odin himself that if he found that what my fiancee and I said of her intentions towards infidelity to be true, we would both receive personal apologies.

Since that time, it has been unmistakably proven that my fiancee and I were absolutely in the right- the dishonored wife in question appears to not be apart of the community any longer;  yet, no apologies have been granted.   Why?  Because it has also been said that some fear “losing face” in doing so.

How can a person possibly lose face for admitting that they are fallible and human?  Do the Gods see upholding lies as honorable, making excuses, and dehumanizing the victims of the situation as correct?  Am I simply a “Lokian” who caused the chaos in the first place.

No.

I am a human being who happened to get in the way of scheming, dishonorable woman who had selfish intentions and no regard for the wyrd of her community nor the oaths made to her husband and kindred.  Being “Lokian” has no bearing on the situation- in fact, in also being Tyrian- it would indicate even more strongly that justice should be served since many in that kindred venerated Him at one time- and Tyr is keeper of justice in our faith.

You cannot take me as Lokian without also acknowledging my oaths to Tyr if you know me.

I take this time to publicly apologize to the woman I accused of being complicit in the attempt to allow a married woman to dishonor her husband- for I did not know that my fiancee was also lied to about what she was told by the same dishonorable woman.

Yet, we also are not blameless-  for all my pleading, my fiancee never spoke to her husband directly regarding her advances towards him…. fearing loss of his home at the time (he rented a room from them), and shortly thereafter, all lines between him and the wronged husband were severed.   The only thing that stopped me from going to the husband directly was Odin himself asking me to keep my peace- which hurt- for I would NEVER want to find myself in the same situation as that poor man.  The truly innocent parties in this innocent are first- the wronged husband- and secondly, myself and my fiancee who were extensively lied about.

But, we are Rokkr- therefore- unworthy of recompense or apology perhaps?   How many times do people wrong another and pray for time to wash away the damage?  Can you accidentally shoot an arrow into your neighbor and think that since he was able to break off the shaft- that the point would eventually dissolve into the flesh and not still be a problem?  That is dishonor-  it does not wash away and grind down like a pebble in a river-  it remains like a blade in the offended party; a reminder of hurt that returns with similar memories.

…and the best that the aggrieved can do is hope that the offender has enough of a soul to be haunted by their false accusations, disbelief, and deeds (or lack there of).

Several years ago my best friend and I had a falling out that lasted for 7 years.  At the time of the first argument, he was a drug abuser with a fiancee who caused him to live two separate lives- one in secrecy from her (dishonorably) and one where he pretended to be the man she desired him to be (also a falsehood).  For years, almost like clockwork, we would stalk one another online and create an argument that would last for days over nothing at all- while he claimed “not to care” for me- as I pointed out that several hundred instant messenger messages speaks to the contrary.

In the end of all things, he found a much more suitable bride- one with which he was able to be his true self- and he apologized- for a solid 20 minutes for everything, including incidents and harmful words he said that I had forgotten, and I was in tears- and incredibly grateful.   It showed no weakness on his part- but rather strength that he was able to hold himself accountable for his actions.   He never once said “The drugs made me do it,” but rather “I was on drugs at the time, and I am sorry for that as well.”  It also erased much of a burden I carried for years.

From our reconciliation, I believe that those who are dishonorable in action are haunted by the harm that they cause with isolated exceptions of clinical sociopathy or extreme narcissism.

I have been called Lokian, chaotic, insane, and just about any other dehumanizing thing one can throw at another person- however, if I am truly so insane- then how can I possibly write a clear, coherent blog that still gains followers?  If I am so chaotic, then why is my life mostly peaceful day to day?  Also, I have been accused of being a “leech” for being on disability-  but how can I be a “leech” when I have paid into the system myself since I was 15 years old, often holding two to three jobs concurrently, and my condition is so unpredictable that I cannot interact with other people face to face for days at a time?  I can assure you it is not “your” money- nor am I getting rich (far from it).

If you would like to place blame I would look more towards the trillions in military spending each week than to attack the disabled with unnecessary vitriol towards programs and illnesses you do not understand.  I would not wish my life experiences or illnesses on anyone- but also, it is my right that I do not need to disclose my life story for anyone’s approval, first of all; and second, my income affects the lives of none of my accusers…despite the inane complaining of the tea-party mentality.

What I suffer from is not contagious-PTSD-  a fault of the memory that causes old hurts to seem new over and over again.  So, where most people have the luxury to forget, my long-term memory stores each hurt perfectly rendering my short term memory useless in exchange.  Hardly madness- but extraordinarily difficult to live with, and impossible to work with when triggers are difficult to determine.

There are days where I wish that people who have harmed me are haunted by their actions in their dreams- that they are reminded and shamed by their actions as much as I am forced to remember them….but I realize the most I can hope for is an occasional twinge of guilt which is quickly discarded or trampled into submission in favor of more immediate matters.

But also, I know that I can be healed of some pain by apology- and I grant forgiveness pretty readily.  However, I do not suffer the company of those who have wronged me or my loved ones well at all.   I do not suffer hypocrites or liars-  If they claim Odin or Tyr as patrons, I especially raise an eyebrow.

Actions I have done or my fiancee have been accused of recently have all been discomforts with personal practices that truly do not affect any other individual.   What Gods we choose to worship have no bearing on the lives of anyone else outside of our own.   We still hail the Aesir, the Vanir, and yes, even a few from other pantheons who we have become close to.  We are not universalists- but we do not judge others for their choices in who to honor.   Thomas Jefferson once stated the crime is only committed when the fist strikes.

There is no crime in worship, but there is crime in curses thrown in spite.
There is no crime in thought, but there is crime in willful ignorance.
There is no crime in blindness, but accountability will be forced upon those by the Gods themselves who choose to close their eyes to the needless suffering of others when it can be prevented.

If I can pray for anything at all this afternoon- it would be an apology letter.   I have been silent against so many things done to me over the years that there are likely dozens of people who could craft one, and any honest, detailed, and heart felt apology for any suffering caused  is one step in erasing some of the pain I live with daily.

I am an intelligent woman.  Some people hurt me for fear that I had the information to destroy their self-illusions, reputations, and ultimately their lives.  They felt in hurting me it would “keep me in my place.”

No, I chose not to destroy you because *I* am honorable, I value my own honor, and I do not attack unless provoked; and even then I match blow for blow- instead of allowing a tower of lies and self-aggrandizement to ruin an entire community over the actions and misdeeds of a misguided  few who feel heathenry is an excuse for acting like an uncouth barbarian and dressing in silly costumes in an attempt to connect to the “old ways”.

The old ways involved a system of checks and balances- it involved personal accountability, honesty, frith, and the desire to keep the greater community together rather than rendering it into pieces over disagreements that mean nothing.   It was about undoing harm that was done, paying the cost of a life to the family of the dead when a life was taken, regardless of the issue.  It was not about what you wear, who you impress, and who you claim as your personal gods.

We all have our personal beliefs and spirituality- and that’s just it- our beliefs are personal, meaning that my belief system has no bearing on what you choose to believe except that my belief system does not allow for discrimination based on who you pay homage to….  You can be giving offerings to Sutr, Jesus, Baphomet, Satan, or Cthulhu for all I care…. I don’t.

…and in this, yes, I am better than some of you who choose to pick enemies for the mere sake of wishing to have some force to fight against rather than even make an attempt at peace, understanding, and diplomacy.

Please take your horned helmets and your giant hammers elsewhere,  You are not going to be walking onto a dragonship to pillage anything anytime soon.  You will never be given the opportunity to fight with live steel against people you disagree with. You can wear all the costumes you like, but your dedication to historical accuracy (or lack thereof) is no indication of your dedication to the Gods, Truth, or Personal Honor.

Please join me in attempting to show Heathenry as respectable a faith as any in this century by the return of honor and accountability to humankind-  not crap about whose imaginary friend is “enemy” of your own.

I can assure you the Gods do not battle in such ways among themselves- and if you would lift your eyes from the stories of the past to commune with the Gods of the present, you will find I am sincere and truthful…and my UPG is no more or less credible than any other.

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7 Responses to “It is Never Too Late To Be Honorable.”

  1. Hear, hear. The ability to wipe the slate clean through a few whispered words and not a minuscule amount of effort to amend the wrongs committed to the other person is a HUGE reason I left christianity. I agree, thank you for sharing this.

    • Thank you for liking it. If anything I write can have a positive affect- it helps me feel better.

      • I feel the same way about what I write. The things you have shared have helped me not only to face some of my demons, but also to see that being bonded to Loki is a gift. It isn’t a bad thing that He is there, He has helped me learn things about myself, and about life that I otherwise would never have even dreamed of.

  2. Truth: Hail Loki! 🙂

  3. bobby gusler Says:

    Amazing and inspiring …im sorry you and your man have suffered….trust me the strength of your words strikes true as steel. Great job. Hail to truth. Hail to honor

  4. […] The Lokian Asatruar reminds us that it is never too late to be honorable: […]

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