Happy Loki Day (aka “April Fools”)

Fox-Fire woman. (Artist unknown.)

Fox-Fire woman.
(Artist unknown.)

It’s April 1st, the commonly accepted feast day for Loki and I realized that if I am true to my word, and I try to be, I could not allow this day to pass without some sort of commentary;  The Lokian Asatuar has a reputation to maintain after all.   Freyja’s Hall will be holding our observance of the day this Saturday April 6th at our apartment.  “Friend of Freyja” is one of my favorite kennings, so it fits us.

So, it’s Loki day.  I have no beautiful women to shave, I have no testicles of my own and I own no goats,  I AM wearing a lovely skirt today though- but I am no bridesmaid.  I like horses…(but not THAT much) and I lack the means to carry a fetus to term (hysterectomy!), I am not good enough at shapeshifting to be a fox, salmon, or anything else cool in this plane of existence (call it a lack of confidence, perhaps?) ….and although I own several hawk feathers, I can’t make a cloak or know of anyone willing to lend me one for the afternoon for a quick flight to the Pagoda on Mount Penn.

Like most people, this day each year I try to bullshit my friends with some sort of causally believable BS- I’ve converted in and out of religions, shown a positive pregnancy test (I had a hysterectomy at 28), and pretend-reconciled with insanely abusive people.  This year, I posted 100% true “What the fuck” confessions of the weirdest shit to happen to me in my life.  Difficulty: Insane- for I have to avoid libel so the MOST messed up thing that has occurred is out (it involves an international transgender activist, Sufism, and daily love letters written under pseudonym)  and then I had to CHOOSE out of a variety of things.  I couldn’t choose just ten…. and my friend Smart Steve brought up the cognitive point that most people have no mental capacity for actual confession (and yet, according to Kant- we possess an a priori sense to invent Time for us so our brains can comprehend our own corner of the universe without exploding)  So,  it’s out there.  I’ll even add 10 more that didn’t make the list before (but might have been lightly touched upon in other posts-so I apologize for repeated information and my poor memory):

1. I have lost track of how many young women I have taken to get abortions….not because I’m nice, but because I did not want them to breed…since high school.  I am a one-woman Dr. Mengele in that regard. I was the child of teenage parents, and I never wanted to see more little “me’s” in the same situation.

2. My grandfather on my mother’s side was in the SS in WWII-  It’s okay though- he ended up working for Britain.

3.  My grandfather on my father’s side was one of the world’s first computer programmers- he invented college automated scheduling (ironic, my college did not utilize it).  He disowned me for being committed because he does not believe in PTSD and refused to speak to a single doctor or neurologist on my behalf- it is believed he tried to challenge my SSD unsuccessfully.

4.  I’m pansexual, monogamous,and gender-queer. I changed my name to be gender neutral, don’t care what gender you are, and I don’t think of myself as any particular gender but lean more towards male-type thoughts in Western culture.  If I could not be “myself” in this culture, I would have no issue getting a sex change…say, if I lived in Iran or something.  (Which was my answer when I was told I would last 5 minutes in Iran by a former professor….the better answer would have been “Well, it would be 5 minutes longer than you would last, Mr. Political Dissident.”   …but that was BEFORE Strattera.)

My husband will be wearing the garter at our wedding under his kilt, and will also likely be tossing the bouquet.  Dead serious.

5. My first interaction with a deity-type figure was actually not Norse- but Inari- The Japanese God of Rice, Fertility, and Foxes.  My totem is the Fox- hence, he claimed I was well under his jurisdiction.  I still eat a diet rich in rice for good fortune, and when I dream of him I’m never human.

His favorite thing to say is “Raven-san*, sometimes it is better to dream of being a fox than to live as a human.”  It’s okay- my fiancee’s first was Kali Durga.  He just posted his experiences last night and I’m incredibly proud of him for it.

6.  I am still technically a Sufi-however, many Islamic sects have recently decided to declare Sufism haram (forbidden) so whether or not I’m still Muslim is up for debate.  I have a lot of ham, pork chops, and hard cider to ask forgiveness for- however, Allah is most forgiving. (Fun fact: actually, according to many translations of the Qu’ran the rule of hospitality and avoiding starvation overrules dietary restrictions)   I see no contradiction between Heathenry and Sufism- for much the same conclusion Eddie drew regarding Kali Durga and Heathenry. (see the link above- if you want a post on why I came to this conclusion, I will write it- I am extraordinarily well researched on both sides)
Both Loki as well as Odin seem to encourage their followers to seek out and understand other traditions.  If the universe was an intramural sports league- Odinsfolk, Lokians and Rokkatru would be the roaming kids whose base lies with Team Heathen- but if another team is short- we get sent out for a time to play for other sides who need our influence….or to bring something back to our communities that solves our current problems.  (IF people will listen to us…, that is)

7. Growing up, my mother was unmedicated bipolar and schizophrenic.  When she was finally diagnosed (in my 20’s), she claimed she “caught” the schizophrenia from my father.  I stopped speaking to her over 10 years ago.

It’s the best decision I ever made- remembering homicide attempts, attempted starvation, beatings, and verbal abuse ain’t my bag, baby.

8. I acted like a human gay pride flag in high school partially to distract from the fact that my home life really, really sucked-see above.  The other reason I did it is so all the other little gay kids would be left alone. I was a human killdeer- distraction works on stupid people.  I got a lot of personal “thank you’s” from many of my fellow students in the years post high school; that part is kinda awesome.
Also, it wasn’t my idea- a guy named Shawn came up with it years before I ever entered high school.  He called it “Alpha-Queer” the theory was if there was one over-the-top gay person all the other kids suspected of being gay would be left alone.  It mostly worked.  As far as my predecessors go: Shawn is now a born again, Damon is still gay, Lori disappeared…and the girl who was picked before it was supposed to be my “turn” ended up going through some crazy shit of her own….so I ended up in track suits and Figaro chains for 2 fucking years.  Outside of school I was a goth.  After me, female bisexuality became trendy (to my disgust-it marginalized true bisexuals so now we use terms like “pansexual” or “non-biased”) so I think “alpha-queer” became unnecessary.

9. I was offered 10 grand when I was 21 to transport LSD from New Hampshire to Philadelphia.  The only reason I did not do it was because I had a dream my best friend at the time got shot in the face by the feds.  Ironically, 3 months later that particular friend and I had a massive falling out and did not speak except to stalk and attack each other online once a year for 7 years.

10.  In college, I had three official tutors in Farsi and spent most of my time with the Baha’i community religiously (because the Heathens I knew became totally Nazitru and the Baha’i’s are largely Iranian diasphora)  The Baha’i religion believes that every religion in the world is legitimate-they completely accept Heathenry with open arms and will raise a horn to any God/Goddess you can imagine if put into a Heathen situation.  The Baha’i faith originated in Persia  I gave talks on Heathenry and quoted the Edda’s and the Hamaval at most gatherings.

I think I may have been the world’s only Heathen diplomat to the Baha’i that I am aware of.   I would still be in touch if I didn’t move two hours away and my weekends were not now filled with Heathen events.   Sadly, they do not believe in facebook OR voting.  The former being the reason for being completely removed except to give polite declines to events via email.

11. I was in the process of being trained to be a diplomat regarding Iran.  I mentioned this is a previous post…  I ~DO~ see Persians/Indians as part of our ancestral cultures, and worthy of our respect….hence why Heathenry is called an INDO-European faith.  Their indigenous traditions prior to Islam are mostly found in the practices of Sufism (which adapted itself to Islam)  and Zoroastrianism(which is considered, arguably, the first monotheistic faith).

Also,  there are some great ancient stories of Inanna and Ereshkegal that mirror Freya and Hela quite nicely (which is actually more native to Northern Iraq- but was part of the Greater Persian empire.)  I do believe in religious parity. (…to the immense frustration of my Jewish ancient near-East prof.)

So, in true Lokian style, I have taken a holiday and turned it upside down and on it’s ear…. I’m not “pranking” anyone- however, we will be dousing a chocolate rabbit in high-proof voodoun cologne and burning it to Loki this evening (Florida-water:  awesome stuff if you can find it…it’s cheap and it can make your fires burn for the duration of an entire ceremony and leave not even ash in its wake….sometimes, new religions and cultures can have some little things to offer too!)

So, now you know a little bit more about me- and have some WTF to think on for the remainder of the day…  Have a spectacular day and remember to leave some candy and a candle burning for the Keeper of the Heathen flames-  our flame-haired diplomat, silver-tongued rogue, and beautiful God of lost children.  Hail Loki Laufeysson- Male, female, Horse, Fox, or Fish-  Worthy of Each horn raised both his name and the name of Odin 🙂

*Not my name


2 Responses to “Happy Loki Day (aka “April Fools”)”

  1. […] med i spelet där också, liksom Freja ? Att Valborg är Frejas stora högtid, är helt klart, men första aprils instiftande – kan vi känna oss säkra där… En Asatroende broder till, b…, och med dessa spekulationer, lämnar jag er för […]

  2. […] In the spirit of the day, the Lokian Asatruar puts everything out there: […]

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