Archive for April, 2013

Ch-ch-ch-changes…why I hate Hagalaz

Posted in About me with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 26, 2013 by Tyrienne
Hela and Muninn- Huginn never leaves Odin these days (Artist unknown)

Hela and Muninn- Huginn never leaves Odin these days (Artist unknown)

My fiancee is a chosen of the Gods of Death, it seems- he isn’t dying by any means, but he has the uncanny knack to get the attention of anything remotely close to a psychopomp; Hela, Cernunnos, The Morrigan and Anubis; from ancient Eresh-kigal to the young Baron Samedi.  They like his silence, they like that to others he appears to be a blank canvas on which people paint their own ideas of who he is- and then, as he comes into himself, people flee from him as if he were death itself- in a culture that makes death invisible behind closed caskets and bottom-floor mortuaries.   The inevitable for all is hidden and feared as we hide behind a culture of eternal youth and yet never-maturity.   Elderly people who hold the strong rationales of the young that they are always correct, immortal, and untouchable…. until their first heart attack, stroke, or cancer- at which point, they cling even more desperately to this world, seeking refuge in anything that will remind them of anything but what lies at the end-(or new beginning, my Buddhist and Deutsch friends)

For me, it’s tricksters- Raven, Fox, Loki, Odin, Eris, Inari, Papa Legba, Enki, Hanuman, Ganesha, Coyote, Hermes….then out of nowhere, breaking the pattern there is  Tyr, and to utter confusion, Allah- the greatest trickster of all whose Sufi followers seem entranced in a dance of chaos and order too complex to follow- if anyone even still knows of Him as Divine Love, now hidden behind the words of men who read the Hadithe and not the Quran.   An ancient God based on the goodness of Zoroastrian Ahura Mazda (Ohrmazd) who has now been confused with Angra Mainyu (Ahriman)- the bringer of ill thoughts, ill words, and ill deeds- rather than good thoughts, good words, and even better deeds.  A God of both Fire and water who is now seen as a God of subjugation, sand, and fear.

I also Know a man who calls Krishna a pacifist.  I have read the Bagavahd Gita where Krishna speaks to his charioteer Arjuna about the necessity of death and change.  The flute playing philandering is simply a hobby after the blood has dried from his blue hands.

I am tired of being change.  I am tired of being the canary in the metaphysical coalmine who brings false teachers to the open, liars to their knees, and stands at the last crossroads before enlightenment becomes impossible.  The last warning before you decide to give up on your dreams and submit to the machine, to fall to your knees into perpetual slavery of society, of the mind, and the subjugation of art and intellect in favor of comfort and security- fame and “success”.   I can tell people that this life is an illusion until I’m blue in the face, I can tell them that material things, youth, beauty, and popularity are not eternal. I can show evidence that time and matter as we perceive them are a priori and not true reflections of reality with citations from the most famous and respected physicists and philosophers.

I can challenge you, I can stare you down, I can be your equal, your adversary.  I become more than a human and less- I become a line on a checklist of things that stand in the way- a thing, an “it”…and not in the respectful “it” as found in non-gendered languages such as Persian.

Am I bitch or a woman “with the mind of a man?”
Why are most of the “great” philosophers/geniuses Queer?
Is Loki a man or woman?
He was a mother,  I can never be.
Does it matter?

Everything was fine until I came, I know.  Everything would be different if I were not here- they say, those with lies between their teeth and their mirrors covered with Dorian Gray paintings of themselves as they wish to be seen- their ugliness on the inside.

Don’t trust the beautiful people, the beautiful gods who shine with perfection-  They are the most cruel, violent, and sadistic.  The perfect send she-bears to devour children, Divine Angels to slay the firstborn, and beg for their sheep to be lead quietly to the slaughter at the end of existence, meek and docile convinced of their worthlessness and shame for daring to exist at all- all things, sinful- to question is to cause problems, to stir the pot, to bring chaos.

Hush, quiet…be safe and say nothing; ignore the lies, the blood, and the slaughter that has been funded by your shopping sprees for  this millennium….the money you used to give to the Church you prayed to for salvation in the middle ages funded wars and inquisitions- the money you spend in consumerism is no different.

“I want to be rich!”  people say, they step on their own children and regard their grandchildren with suspicion over green pieces of paper and numbers on a screen that are not even backed by real substance; there is no more silver or golden standard.  They huddle in unhappy lives, chained to ideas and people in fear of being alone while they alienate those they are truly responsible for.  No cocktail party in the world will erase the failings, injustice, false judgement, and division caused by those who would divide the people and claim the poor the enemy and bow before the rich as examples of morality and righteousness.

No camel can enter heaven through the eye of the needle, and the man with 2 wolves at his feet asks to rest in your home in tattered clothes and raven feathers in his wide-brimmed hat.  Jesus walks from city to city in sandals, and Siddhartha gave up a kingdom to understand suffering.

I have known and lost so many great teachers that I cannot trust any of them any more, except for the dead- I’m sure even C.S. Lewis was fallible, however, no man had ever so gracefully explained how all religions can co-exist peacefully- hidden in a fantasy kingdom there were Gods of oceans and trees, and centuries of peace as the faun held hands with the badger, beaver, and human….where there was something undefinable that unified and created it all.

William Paley, if you were alive….I would ask you if that watch in the desert was discarded after it was made perfect to represent the illusion of time- or if others are right and you meant intelligent design.   Nietzsche would claim abandonment then death of the Creator as the watch of our world rusts in our hands.

There was a Parsi Musician who died because he loved too much and too strongly, and was buried with the flames of Ahura Mazda burning brightly at his funeral and his music still inspires more people than Rumi/Molavi….   But since I have described him by traits you did not know him by, you do not see him as one of your champions-  one who looked death in the eyes and looked the world in the eyes to say : “I Still Love you.” days before he crossed his bridge across the chasm to what lay beyond.  His riches given to charities and those he loved most.

I know an Irish magician who wanders with no true home, and I trust him more than I would any academic- though the first thing he will tell you is that he is “mad”.   Madness is liberating; he says.  I concur, the line between genius and madness so very thin-  Loki and Odin cross wrists across that line- but who is on which side at any given time?  They are brothers and their choosing of each other as family is irreversible- not with a drop of blood-but a deluge.

I know a man with a crooked face who paid thousands to fix what a Norseman would see as blessing from Odin, what a Sufi would see as a warning from Allah, and that I saw as character- to be washed away with ebb and flow of money, the thought that the insecurity felt within would be staunched like wound- a wound that bleeds red against white- but the green bears the faces of false leaders- not the green of liberation.

Question, my half-faced friend- how much did you spend on fixing your external false-flaws that could have been given in Zakat?  Oh, but I forget myself.  Atheism is in fashion- to declare with absolute certainty that there is nothing to hold one accountable, there is no watch in the desert, no watchmaker, or Great beast, lion, wolf, or jackel that will weigh your heart on the balance of life and death.

So, do you name the stars in the sky and know each by name?  Can you tell me how to split the moon, and the intricacies of the human circulatory system?  Can you name for me the those who die each day with pinched faces of starvation of your ancestral homeland?


Is your totem the duck or the rabbit?

If you do not know everything, then how can you tell me there is nothing beyond this world when you close your eyes to the world you live in?  What color is your world Grue or Bleen?

We speak of Philosophers and Scientists as if they hold keys to mastery that we cannot obtain-  many go on to higher education to learn how to plagiarize the works of hundreds to create papers that say nothing new at all- the unverified personal gnosis has been vilified- unless it has been experienced by a trusted source. Alan Watts is reduced to a mere footnote or a quotation. William James and Rudolph Otto, both as dead as Wittgenstein and Tesla- (both of which spent their lives dancing with death.)

Nietzsche, Tesla, Crowley, and Nijinsky danced with madness at their ends….but we like to forget their ends- for endings are uncomfortable, especially for geniuses who died ignobly instead of in wealth, opulence of funeral, and with weeks of mourning and gnashing of teeth at their deaths.

Machiavelli died with all the accolades of a Prince- and so, he is revered and more known than the quiet words of Cunningham, LeVay, and Farrar.

We live in a world of a religion of Science which has discovered God in a particle, but magic is the domain of the mad.

“There is freedom in Madness,”  Quote the Irish Shaman– as the fires roared and the coals glowed red against cerulean skies and bright spring grass.  We broke arrows upon our throats for Justice and Confidence.  We shared garnets and mica from the stream and drank water among the gypsies, folk and fae.

Today I am angry at the world, and I hate myself for being the change I wish to see in the world.  I change my surroundings by being mostly unchanging myself-  I do not flow like the river, I am the marble that has been worn away by tears, and torn down by chisels, axes, and the occasional hammer.

I shine and reflect you to yourselves and you blame me for your own failings, I bear a torch and you supply the gas for the flame so all eyes look to me when change occurs.  The invisible fumes, deadly, toxic- and my fire sets them alight illuminating me against your darkness.

So, you bring me your personal demons- your wild wolf self chained in the sound of a cat’s footfalls, the breaths of fish on air, the roots of mountains, the sinews of bear, the bearded woman, the spit of the swallows who build their nests on the side of the rocky crags only to be stolen and made into soup.

The wolf within you is the only thing of value left of yourselves, and you hold that bright beast in contempt for the idea of freedom, sovereignty, and mastery where no man or woman is your better- where you can run with quicksilver paws on ice and endless fields and howl.

…and you eat like the prey you are, many of you.  Weakened and enslaved by trends and fashion-  never knowing the feeling of life fleeting from a warm body- that final shuttering breath and silence in a world of colorful noises.

Never tasting the flesh of the wild- the deer caught mid-leap, the pheasant fallen from flight, or the salmon caught falling upsteam in one fatal leap.

“Kill my wildness; hide me from Summer, Winter, Spring and Fall- take me from my family and give me a Master who is generous.  Take away my desire to run and sit me silently in the ranks of the living dead.  Let me ask your permission to shit and piss and to go home to take care of my ailing family and brief moments in the lives of my children, who are raised in institutions and chained to desks metaphorically as child laborers in third world countries are chained to looms; both learning nothing of consequence to better themselves.”  and these selfsame people look to me as Antagonist, the unchained, dangerous, and ruinous …and I shake my head.

I dream of a moon above a peaceful city of towers and domed holy places... I make my own reconciliation between past and present.

I make my own peace/reconciliation between Time, Earth,and Sky

The path to the sky begins with a sound and continues with action.

The path to the sky begins with a sound and continues with action.

The red moon shines above a city that forces each man and woman to their knees before it, and I wonder- is there a single free soul left in the shadow of Damavand? I was trapped by love letters from a non-cisgender diaspora from their city that destroyed me.  Then I look to my right and I remember how I got here: a journey started with the first sound in the universe, it is said-  and then my own movement initiated by one of the many great Promethean figures- His green eyes burn, His hair red like smokeless flames- a prince of Jinn and an ancient god of Northern hearths.   So many forget what it feels like to bathe in the heat of flame, the flow of streams, to feel the wind upon their faces and the Earth beneath their feet.  A person can write love letters and forget what it means to love.

I am free in my own way… and for that people despise me.  In truth, I no more free than you are. It began with a necklace of the first sound- and the command of a red haired god of green eyes:  I am caged by my own fears- by letters like green ribbons  which I stole from a two-spirit who would not grant me peace nor reconciliation- but I am brave enough to wear a sign of a God that is quickly being forgotten among Hadith, violence, and propaganda.  Would you dare to mark yourself with forbidden symbols and remind yourself that only a one green thread kept you in Hell and away from Hel?

You remain captive in soulless rooms filled with atrophied spirits, and I find myself trapped within my own home, afraid of going anywhere at all without a companion at my side or at journey’s end.  Are we so different?

Evidently, yes.   I am free to speak what words I wish when I wish.  I am free to speak the truth without caring of the consequences from any human; I have been too fucking hurt to care:

Os, the Rune of the uncomfortable truth

Os, the Rune of the uncomfortable truth

According to This site: “Os, the Rune of the God-Voice, is vied for by several deities. It is sometimes associated Bragi, the skald of the Norse gods, and sometimes with Odin himself when he speaks through a human body. It also has an affinity with Odin’s blood brother  Loki the Trikster. What each of these deities has in common is that they represent different ways of speaking divine truths through a human mouth. The skald or bard speaks or sings dramatically, moving the crowd to new emotions. The prophetic voice is often confusing, bringing the stories of the future to the waiting crowd of the moment, but it also important is helping them to touch the divine WodOs, the Rune of the God-Voice, is vied for by several deities. It is sometimes associated with Bragi, the skald of the Norse gods, and sometimes with Odin himself when he speaks through a human body. It also has an affinity with Odin’s blood brother and arch enemy(SIC!), Loki the Trickster. What each of these deities has in common is that they represent different ways of speaking divine truths through a human mouth. The skald or bard speaks or sings dramatically, moving the crowd to new emotions. The prophetic voice is often confusing, bringing the stories of the futurwith e to the waiting crowd of the moment, but it also important is helping them to touch the divine Wod”

However, this is not to say I live a life without extraordinary consequences as well Quoted from Here:

Tiwaz: The Rune of Tyr, Justice, and Sacrifice

Tiwaz: The Rune of Tyr, Justice, and Sacrific

“Tiwaz is a warrior rune named after the god Tyr who is the Northern god of law and justice. Tyr is related to the north star in the Anglo-Saxon Rune Poem, around which the fixed stars in the night sky appear to rotate. Ancient seamen used Polaris as their main navigational aid in their long journeys, and the symbol as an arrow pointing upward is perhaps made in reference to this. This symbolizes the positive ordering of the cosmos and humankind through law and justice and our moral compass. Chaos comes to order through the attributes of awakened consciousness and the guiding principles concerned with carrying out such an awakening.

Tyr is a one-handed god with a long history, and his hand was sacrificed to trick the wolf, Fenris, into being chained. Tiwaz is just victory according to the law of accumulated right past action. To rule justly, one is asked to make many self-sacrifices, and Tiwaz can develop the power of positive self-sacrifice and temper over-sacrifice. The belief that courage and a right cause carries the day is governed by Tiwaz. It is the common justice of the people rather than the use of law by tyrants (a word that uses Tyr as a root)

Tiwaz will bring about a correct balancing of the scales so that you are assured a fair hearing and fair decision. Do not be thrown off balance by the chaos of your environment. Like the North star, you must remain true and calm, assert your case with confidence and let the energies of your orlog assisted by the force of Tiwaz bring about a right solution.

Should you need reassurances that there is value in building up positive patterns in advance of emergency, this is the time you will see its greatest manifestation. You have earned the right to a fair and just decision. Tiwaz will be used to bring fair distribution of the earned energies from your ancestral stream.

Tiwaz can be used to bring about a missionary zeal for a righteous cause. The most powerful insight we can draw from Tiwaz is that we must target our energies in the single most correct place, just as the arrow or spear symbolized by the rune must. Call upon Tiwaz for justice.”

Huginn: "Thought"  The moon is patterned from Al-Hambra Palace, Spain where I spent a semester learning history abroad.

Huginn: “Thought”
The moon is patterned from Al-Hambra Palace, Spain where I spent a semester learning history abroad.

But Despite all the above my first guidance has been Ornithomancy over intelligence:

Muninn: "Memory" Like Odin, thoughts never leave, but memory is transient.

Muninn: “Memory”
Like Odin, thoughts never leave, but memory is transient.

Huginn has been with me since I was 19 years old- this is his most recent incarnation on my back after many trials, artists, touch ups. “Stand Fast” was a gift to remind myself that I saved the child of my ex-fiancee from a childhood like the one I lived through- with extraordinary sacrifice and trust in the Divine to do the right thing.

Muginn was a gift from my current fiancee and both together show a duel nature of my belief systems.  The artists of most of this work was created at KS Tattoo in Laureldale, Pennsylvania.

And so, back to the beginning-  I have been accused, slandered, tortured, gaslit, abandoned, and despised.   I have been loved, followed, adored, cherished, and held on pedestals far too high.  There are times where I am not a person, but an object or simplified to a statement- usually negative.  I am an individual among a society desperate for the approval of most- the way we contort ourselves, our minds, bodies, with paints, surgeries, affects, and meaningless unoffensive words to keep up the status quo.

The  “ideal” person doesn’t wear their history on their body, marking each landmark, scar, achievement, and failing- that is only for those without class- Class keeps things behind closed and locked doors- as they beg for silence against the untempered knocking and avalanches behind closed doors.   Plastic surgery brings one closer to an “ideal”- a tattoo is simply another way to make a scar beautiful, but it also challenges decades worth of societal class distinctions; the barbarian, the soldier, the unemployable, the criminal, the feared, and the blue collared are tattoo’d to the elder generations.

My generation and our avant gardes challenge you, and you do not like us.   We challenge you with our existence, with our lack of ties and pantyhose,    We challenge our society…but not in any substantial way that ever makes the news or changes much of anything- except bringing us our own pain for our trouble of trying.

With me it’s open.  Everything.   I learned early I can not afford secrets with a memory that cannot be relied upon…. if you live dictated by intuition, heart, and intellect rather than conventional means- truth quickly becomes stranger than fiction anyhow and far more interesting than any “story” or lie.

I wear ink to tell my stories…  I have lived through chaos and survived.   I have looked death in the eyes time and again and was refused for whatever reason: repeatedly.  So, for better or worse you are stuck with me for now.  My Fiancee speaks to the Gods who have refused me more times than any 31 year old should be able to count- by chance or deliberate intentions.

I am going to continue to live my life with or without your approval- but I will continue in this process to be wounded, tested, absolved, accused, loved, and despised.   I refuse to compromise my integrity.  I refuse to politely lie to save your comfort.    I fear burlap sacks, being trapped, and FEMA coffins.  I fear I will never see Tehran in one piece and can’t watch the news- when all I see are lies and can smell the scent of war as cleanly as any black-feathered bird.   I fear for my friends in fatigues regardless on which side they fight for- and I am angered at corporate interests puppet governments, complacent people, and the lack of critical thought, lack of questioning, and although I understand it, I also resent the “Status Quo”.

By nature, I realize I am Hagalaz…..wherever I go, I am different, therefore, I bring change if I mean to or not.   However, that doesn’t mean I have to like it.   All in all, I’m actually rather self-loathing where my life consist of a scale where the harm/burden I generate is ever being weighed against the good I am able to accomplish. With those scales is a clock; according to research, my time is 15 years or less as per the law of averages.

Does the Jackal hold the scales for this fox?  No.  Instead, there is an ancestral man with half a face- his eye lost to his love of knowledge, his sanity given for mysteries and mysticism- and as I marked as being a scion of both his blood-brother and one-handed predecessor, He has my first Oath….and only the Gods and the clever know where my second oath remains, indelible, spoken in a city of spies and under a pentagram flag.

Messrs C. S. Lewis, Gibran, Watts, and Molavi,….perhaps one day I could write as beautifully as you and explain it so cleanly, but I need to bypass Time which is stagnant and my fears, inhibitions, and insecurities which are not.

Regret Nothing:


Bow Before No One. A Guide on Heathen Individualism.

Posted in Justice with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on April 19, 2013 by Tyrienne
The Yggdrasil Artist sadly unknown

The Yggdrasil
Artist sadly unknown

The world is becoming an increasingly dangerous and confusing place, we all know this…. and in reaction to the actions of several governments there have been some disturbing trends that are shaping up and taking root both in Heathenry and the country at large that need to be addressed.

Yes, this blog is “The Lokian Asatuar”-  but I remind you all that I am also deeply committed to Tyr, and the levels of injustice, division, discrimination, intolerance, and idiocy are making a mockery of our Faith and our Gods.

First of all- I want you to look at yourself.  I do not care if you are Heathen or not- what color your skin is, or your ancestry.   You have the capacity to be a God with your creativity.

You were granted incredible gifts- the gifts of thought, intellect, words, feelings, intuition, compassion, capacity to seek knowledge, to create, destroy and to give and receive love.  We are the children of the great ones, honored ancestors, and the children of our Gods, whether they be Norse or other pantheons.

But as Norse/Germanic/Vanic/Baltic etc, one constant has remained clear time and time again: Our Gods do not require us to bow before them… we honor them by standing proudly, speaking clearly and honestly, and representing ourselves with honor and good frith.

Remember Bragi who so impressed the Gods he was made one of them- so too, we hold the same potential within us all.

Now, if our Gods are not asking us to bow before them-  why on Midgard would you bow before another human being?  I am not simply speaking of  just before leaders of countries, corporations, or idols of any sort; but any man or woman, period, including our own priests, priestesses, shamans, and chiefs.  There are no Heathen Gurus who will ask you to bow at their feet; and yet,   there are many in this world who I have heard claiming they are wolves in one breath while saying with the other that they are “not permitted” contact with others by some edict passed by which ever elder or Goethe they are speaking of at the time.

False, my little sheep.  Bow to no one,  anyone who says to you that you must have permission to interact with whom you choose is no friend of yours.  You are not wolves, you are falling victim to group-think…  keeping one’s religious practice private and secret is perfectly fine-  however, it is DANGEROUS to isolate yourselves at this point in history from your families, communities, and close your eyes to the world at large.

If you own a cell phone, a computer, a car, collect a paycheck, or have a bank account- nothing you do is ever truly private.   What I am seeing is our world community even outside of heathenry being intentionally divided against itself:  Tea party vs. the Occupy Movement.  Folkish verses Universalist verses Tribalist.

STOP.  Collaborate….and LISTEN:  A small, independent, isolated group is nothing more than a potential scapegoat for the powers that be in this government and others…. you are not saving yourselves by pretending to be survivalist- you are making yourselves unintentional targets for future censure, discrimination, and false persecution.   Prepare your bug out bags and be branded, my friends- all your preparations make you look like easy pickings when the fingers are pointed to the source of the next “terrorist” action- and, the next thing you know, you will find yourselves outmatched, outgunned, and helpless.

There is a single man loose in Boston today, and fully armored tanks are in the streets of Massachusetts.  It does not matter how many magazines you have stored, how much food, or how “private” you make yourselves- you are in danger.

I have said often in this blog that we need to UNIFY.  But I wonder who is listening?   Military leaders as far back as Sun Tzu, Boudicca, and Alexander the Great knew the best way to subjugate a society and conquer it’s inhabitants  is to have it divided against itself. Cyrus the Great unified the Persian empire by allowing the practice of all faiths within his borders, drew up the first codex for human rights, and
held one of the most ancient empires with a steady hand….and empire from which many of us are descended.

Here we are, I am hearing of Heathen groups where their members are told to withdraw from the community- they are being ordered who they may/may not speak with- where they may go, who they may associate with, what they are and are not to do.

This is NOT Heathenry. 

Again, we do not bow before any man or woman, we stand for our families, we were among the first traders, and our Gods roamed the realms in search of knowledge- they did not burrow in caves like frightened rodents.

How to be safe:  Make friends easily, exclude no one.  The more people you know and who know you in good frith, the less likely it is you will be a target for being “anti-social”.  Practice being honorable with your words, thoughts, and actions.   People of poor quality will make you their enemy; but far more people will see your worth as friend, they will know you by your hospitality, the truth of your words, the strength of your commitments, and your ability to honor promises made.

There are numerous platitudes out there that are appropriate for this moment: “Those who stand for nothing will fall for anything”, “Those with no secrets tell no lies,” “If you have enemies, good- it means you stood for something.”

Fuck this:  Here is an entire PAGE of quotes on the matter found HERE.

Basically, what this boils down to is as follows:  Finding people of like mind, like background, and similar values is FANTASTIC- however, it stunts your emotional and spiritual growth if you deny yourself the opportunity to make an effort to understand people who are not like you.  Instead of fearing this- embrace it.   History has proven that by sharing our practices and beliefs with other cultures and people allow them to record us in their histories as well as our own- thereby further preserving our cultural heritage.

We do not dilute our personal spiritualities by expressing our truths without fear to the world- and if you have fear regarding your values and belief systems, perhaps you should re-examine your motivations and purpose for that belief.  If you fear losing friends for speaking the truth, losing family for being honorable, then those you lose do not deserve you.

My own family is divided right now by the tea party movement, by differing thoughts on government, and other useless things that we cannot control- and yet, they do not wish for reconciliation despite remembering times of love and peace in the past.  This is true for the larger world and should be our greatest shame and sadness.

There are people in this community and within my own family who DESPISE me who were once close- yes, it hurts me deeply, but I would also welcome reconciliation with most for the highest good.
However, this is with the exception of those who intentionally spread deliberate lies- those people are of no use to anyone, not the Gods, not the Folk, and I trust in my faith and my Gods that those who cause division will find the divine names they call on with bad intentions in their hearts fall to judgement of their Gods and despair over their frithless actions.

If you see injustice and say nothing, you are culpable by your silence as well.  If you witness someone gaslighting another person and you know the truth to be different, you are honor bound to speak up.

If you see an Oath being broken, approach the Oathbreaker directly then go together to find the solution- do not turn your back on your brothers and sisters, you do not know what pain they live in.

If your fear is because you hold a truth that is unpopular, (such as being a Lokian), you do your Gods no Honor in your silence.

If your fear is that you will be judged for your prejudice, then I suggest that perhaps you may wish to reconsider that prejudice or share it- intuition can be the first warning to find cover for an impending storm.

What I want to emphasize most is that in Heathenry/Asatru/ et all is that YOU are responsible for YOUR own actions.  YOU are the LEADER of yourself-  If you follow a Goethe, Gythia, Priest, Priestess, Elder, Chieftan, or Shaman who is asking you to isolate yourself, you are in the wrong place- separation is the precursor to being controlled….  the exact thing that you are likely being warned against in the first place.

By the words of Tyr, find your own voice-  find your own truths- find your own way to the Gods, and share your knowledge, wisdom, and creativity as widely as you possibly can.

Share your voice, raise the horn high at sumbel….and if you do not wish to hail what another has spoken, you can exempt yourself from their wyrd simply by either taking a small unobtrusive step backwards, or by crossing your arms and looking downward and not echoing their Heil/Hail with your own.

There have been things I have seen at sumbel I have wanted no part of such as: I have seen Sumbels where Oaths have been made to kill one’s own relatives, who have hailed Himmler, or the author of the Turner Diaries.   You can still share a horn without sharing their sentiments.

Every single person you meet holds wisdom within them-  you can speak to the foreigner and the racist on the same couch and find points of commonality.

We are a large and extraordinarily diverse community- making us into one standard religion will fail.

There is room for everyone at the table….and no one knows what color Odin will make his skin should he knock on your door and ask for hospitality.  Our Gods are shapeshifters as well as ancestors- our Gods are greater than us and inspire us to greatness- not to cowardice.  We hold within our veins the blood and strength of infinite generations of people who honored our Earth and our Universe- who were at one with the cycles of the year- and worshiped our same Gods as we do today.    Even if the gap of the lies of false religions and false governments held your family in bondage for centuries- the Spirit of our Heathen ancestors still flourished- if even if it was in one simple family tradition passed on through centuries, a saying, a recipe, a tradition, or even a hex….and this is true for all cultures- No matter where you hail from, there are Gods of your ancestors who call to you.

Each of you holds something unique from our ancestors- a key, another puzzle piece to greater understanding of our world around us-  to hide yourself is to deny your own worth and to insult the Gods by not using the gifts you have been given.

I am a writer.  This is what I do- I am also a Gythia…. I will advise you, but I will never command you; my job is to be the servant of the needs of the community- It is to sacrifice myself to say what needs to be said and to hold back when necessary to keep peace.   I am a Lokian, I am Tyrian, and most importantly, I am a daughter of Odin and I am calling for peace and unification.  I am calling to an end of division, an end to strife, and an end to meaningless conflicts regarding petty things.

UPG- Old or new, should be respected with equal courtesy.  A man who saw a burning bush became the founder of a religion.   A woman who met Loki at a Moravian college campus is now writing this blog which is seen internationally with each and every single post.

YOU are responsible for yourselves, your families, and the health of the greater community.   As Heathens, we should never claim to hold the reigns to the “best” religion- but rather- our religion is an essential part of the diversity of all religions on Earth and beyond- we have a contribution that is necessary and essential to the future of our world.

….and if that contribution is nothing else, may our contribution be to tell the entirety of the world to NEVER bow down, For each man and woman to rule themselves and hold themselves at equal value to every other human on this Earth.  To take no shit, and to listen DIRECTLY to our Gods- not our so-called leaders, false friends, governments, corporations, or anyone else who would subjugate you into slavery to another human made of flesh and blood.

If you feel you MUST bow, then bow to the Gods alone- no man or woman can be greater than your equal.

If you feel you must be a slave, be a slave to Truth, Justice, Honor, Fidelity, and Frith.   Serve your community, but most of all- Serve your Gods so that they may come to know you by your Honor, and that They will approach you with open hands to grant you knowledge, serenity, and bravery as it is needed.

Look to your leaders and elders as examples- both for bad and for good; but keep your own council.

I honor Odin who brought me, Loki who taught me, and Tyr who leads me.   All I pray is that I can honor Odin with sharing what I can with all of you; Honor Tyr in sacrifice and having the strength to sometimes serve as a human dartboard, and Honor Loki- the speaker of the uncomfortable truths- I pray that my words were as clear as Os, as wise as Ansuz, and as straight as Tiwaz.

Hail to our Gods, Hail to our Folk, and Hail to Truth, Unity, and Justice- may it be served in this realm as in all others.


Posted in Uncategorized on April 13, 2013 by Tyrienne

Created by Bryon Morrigan

So it appears my friend Bryon Morrigan has created a meme- or a meme was created for him, I do not know.  Either way, this seems to be relevant to my interests and the interest of the readership of this blog.

I always thought Saturday came from the Latin word/god Saturn.   Even if this picture is somehow proven inaccurate- it’s Still worth sharing with the anti-Lokians in your life to make their brains explode a little bit.

To quote Jhonen Vasquez: “I Like Brain-Explodey…”

It is Never Too Late To Be Honorable.

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 11, 2013 by Tyrienne

Huginn (thought), Muninn (memory), and the eye of Odin.
Artist unknown

One of the defining characteristics of modern Christianity I absolutely despise is the idea of instant forgiveness of sin.   A man can lie, cheat, steal, and at the end of the day, say a couple of magical words to a great beardy man in the sky and he is forgiven:  No need to recompass  to who he has harmed, his slate is wiped clean.

So, it remains also true in Islam- another major faith- that by saying the Shahada (There is no god but Allah and Muhammad is his prophet)- so too, that person is assuaged of all guilt, given a clean slate by their god and they can carry forth born anew in a new life of Islam.

Both religions leaving countless victims without recompense in their wake.

To further compound the damage of such actions, it became fashionable to pass off all dishonorable action by claiming “The devil made me do it.” or, by even more commonly claiming that the wronged party is some kind of heretic and karmatically deserving of false accusation and all that goes along with such things- since “They likely did something else to deserve it anyway.”

Is this the way these religions were intentioned to be practiced?  Most likely not.  However, I will tell you that current trends in Heathenry, especially regarding Loki in the United States are following the same disturbing and dishonorable pattern….both from my own personal experiences as well as the experiences of others who may be Lokians/Rokkr or what ever other flavor of non-accepted target group may be disregarded at the time.

Along with the falsely hyper-masculan image that many associate with Heathenry, so to comes the same bravado that believes that apologies for one’s actions make one seem “weak” in the face of other heathens.  Heathenry draws people in for its appearance of rawness, back-to-basics frith, honor, and simplicity- but how much thought is actually put into the concept of the word “honor”?   We are no longer able to solve our problems by taking our weapons outside and allowing our skill and the will of the Gods solve our conflicts for us by who remains standing.  For those of you who failed to notice, the year is 2013, not 1013.

So here we come to what is necessary for the continuation of our religion as something distinct from all other available options.  The idea of personal accountability.   Which, ironically enough, Loki has shown in several stories.  When he thought it funny to shave off Sif’s golden hair, when he found he did harm- he apologized in action by the giving of gifts to most of the Aesir.   When it seemed that by the help of Svaðilfari that our Gods would lose Freyja, Mani, and Sunna-  Loki sacrificed himself to distract the great stallion and bore the consequence of pregnancy- It was Loki’s idea to ask for aid in building Valhalla- and it was Loki who took the burden (literally) so that nothing was lost when things did not seem to be going as planned- and furthermore, the fruit of that was Sleipnir- the result of Loki’s pregnancy- which was given to Odin as a Mea Culpa of sorts for the distress caused- even though the outcome in the end was positive.

I, myself apologize frequently-  there are times when I absolutely am well within my right to flyte others- and I take those opportunities, but say far less than I could.  Generally speaking, if I confront someone with their own flaws- I say it directly to them, and also- I hold most of what I COULD say back.  Not for later ammunition, but rather, because I believe the punishment should fit the damage done.  If I have the capability to destroy someone with words, I will not take it- but also know that I Never say everything that I know.  I know what I say, I make certain what I say is appropriate- then I stop.   Not because I am weak, but because I know that in Honor I am not permitted to destroy any human being, regardless of what they may do to me… I may only point out the contradictory nature of their actions- then I am stopped.

I suppose this is another one of those Tyrian limitations.  The ability to flyte as Loki- but only when I am perfectly justified in doing so.  It causes me pain, I would rather flatten those who hurt me, knowing I have access to words that can basically destroy anyone I wish- but no means to use them is like having a cloak that allows you to fly-exactly 2 feet above the ground.

There was an incident within the past year where my fiancee informed me that when a married woman was pursuing him, that she informed another member of his former kindred of her intentions.   Out of my anger and pain in the situation, I threw this information at his goethe at the time….and in turn, the woman blamed me for falsely accusing her; despite the fact that I had gotten the information from my fiancee who received no blame.  Furthermore, when it turned out ALL information regarding the situation was being distorted by the dishonorable wife- no apologies were made despite the goethe himself Oathing to me before Odin himself that if he found that what my fiancee and I said of her intentions towards infidelity to be true, we would both receive personal apologies.

Since that time, it has been unmistakably proven that my fiancee and I were absolutely in the right- the dishonored wife in question appears to not be apart of the community any longer;  yet, no apologies have been granted.   Why?  Because it has also been said that some fear “losing face” in doing so.

How can a person possibly lose face for admitting that they are fallible and human?  Do the Gods see upholding lies as honorable, making excuses, and dehumanizing the victims of the situation as correct?  Am I simply a “Lokian” who caused the chaos in the first place.


I am a human being who happened to get in the way of scheming, dishonorable woman who had selfish intentions and no regard for the wyrd of her community nor the oaths made to her husband and kindred.  Being “Lokian” has no bearing on the situation- in fact, in also being Tyrian- it would indicate even more strongly that justice should be served since many in that kindred venerated Him at one time- and Tyr is keeper of justice in our faith.

You cannot take me as Lokian without also acknowledging my oaths to Tyr if you know me.

I take this time to publicly apologize to the woman I accused of being complicit in the attempt to allow a married woman to dishonor her husband- for I did not know that my fiancee was also lied to about what she was told by the same dishonorable woman.

Yet, we also are not blameless-  for all my pleading, my fiancee never spoke to her husband directly regarding her advances towards him…. fearing loss of his home at the time (he rented a room from them), and shortly thereafter, all lines between him and the wronged husband were severed.   The only thing that stopped me from going to the husband directly was Odin himself asking me to keep my peace- which hurt- for I would NEVER want to find myself in the same situation as that poor man.  The truly innocent parties in this innocent are first- the wronged husband- and secondly, myself and my fiancee who were extensively lied about.

But, we are Rokkr- therefore- unworthy of recompense or apology perhaps?   How many times do people wrong another and pray for time to wash away the damage?  Can you accidentally shoot an arrow into your neighbor and think that since he was able to break off the shaft- that the point would eventually dissolve into the flesh and not still be a problem?  That is dishonor-  it does not wash away and grind down like a pebble in a river-  it remains like a blade in the offended party; a reminder of hurt that returns with similar memories.

…and the best that the aggrieved can do is hope that the offender has enough of a soul to be haunted by their false accusations, disbelief, and deeds (or lack there of).

Several years ago my best friend and I had a falling out that lasted for 7 years.  At the time of the first argument, he was a drug abuser with a fiancee who caused him to live two separate lives- one in secrecy from her (dishonorably) and one where he pretended to be the man she desired him to be (also a falsehood).  For years, almost like clockwork, we would stalk one another online and create an argument that would last for days over nothing at all- while he claimed “not to care” for me- as I pointed out that several hundred instant messenger messages speaks to the contrary.

In the end of all things, he found a much more suitable bride- one with which he was able to be his true self- and he apologized- for a solid 20 minutes for everything, including incidents and harmful words he said that I had forgotten, and I was in tears- and incredibly grateful.   It showed no weakness on his part- but rather strength that he was able to hold himself accountable for his actions.   He never once said “The drugs made me do it,” but rather “I was on drugs at the time, and I am sorry for that as well.”  It also erased much of a burden I carried for years.

From our reconciliation, I believe that those who are dishonorable in action are haunted by the harm that they cause with isolated exceptions of clinical sociopathy or extreme narcissism.

I have been called Lokian, chaotic, insane, and just about any other dehumanizing thing one can throw at another person- however, if I am truly so insane- then how can I possibly write a clear, coherent blog that still gains followers?  If I am so chaotic, then why is my life mostly peaceful day to day?  Also, I have been accused of being a “leech” for being on disability-  but how can I be a “leech” when I have paid into the system myself since I was 15 years old, often holding two to three jobs concurrently, and my condition is so unpredictable that I cannot interact with other people face to face for days at a time?  I can assure you it is not “your” money- nor am I getting rich (far from it).

If you would like to place blame I would look more towards the trillions in military spending each week than to attack the disabled with unnecessary vitriol towards programs and illnesses you do not understand.  I would not wish my life experiences or illnesses on anyone- but also, it is my right that I do not need to disclose my life story for anyone’s approval, first of all; and second, my income affects the lives of none of my accusers…despite the inane complaining of the tea-party mentality.

What I suffer from is not contagious-PTSD-  a fault of the memory that causes old hurts to seem new over and over again.  So, where most people have the luxury to forget, my long-term memory stores each hurt perfectly rendering my short term memory useless in exchange.  Hardly madness- but extraordinarily difficult to live with, and impossible to work with when triggers are difficult to determine.

There are days where I wish that people who have harmed me are haunted by their actions in their dreams- that they are reminded and shamed by their actions as much as I am forced to remember them….but I realize the most I can hope for is an occasional twinge of guilt which is quickly discarded or trampled into submission in favor of more immediate matters.

But also, I know that I can be healed of some pain by apology- and I grant forgiveness pretty readily.  However, I do not suffer the company of those who have wronged me or my loved ones well at all.   I do not suffer hypocrites or liars-  If they claim Odin or Tyr as patrons, I especially raise an eyebrow.

Actions I have done or my fiancee have been accused of recently have all been discomforts with personal practices that truly do not affect any other individual.   What Gods we choose to worship have no bearing on the lives of anyone else outside of our own.   We still hail the Aesir, the Vanir, and yes, even a few from other pantheons who we have become close to.  We are not universalists- but we do not judge others for their choices in who to honor.   Thomas Jefferson once stated the crime is only committed when the fist strikes.

There is no crime in worship, but there is crime in curses thrown in spite.
There is no crime in thought, but there is crime in willful ignorance.
There is no crime in blindness, but accountability will be forced upon those by the Gods themselves who choose to close their eyes to the needless suffering of others when it can be prevented.

If I can pray for anything at all this afternoon- it would be an apology letter.   I have been silent against so many things done to me over the years that there are likely dozens of people who could craft one, and any honest, detailed, and heart felt apology for any suffering caused  is one step in erasing some of the pain I live with daily.

I am an intelligent woman.  Some people hurt me for fear that I had the information to destroy their self-illusions, reputations, and ultimately their lives.  They felt in hurting me it would “keep me in my place.”

No, I chose not to destroy you because *I* am honorable, I value my own honor, and I do not attack unless provoked; and even then I match blow for blow- instead of allowing a tower of lies and self-aggrandizement to ruin an entire community over the actions and misdeeds of a misguided  few who feel heathenry is an excuse for acting like an uncouth barbarian and dressing in silly costumes in an attempt to connect to the “old ways”.

The old ways involved a system of checks and balances- it involved personal accountability, honesty, frith, and the desire to keep the greater community together rather than rendering it into pieces over disagreements that mean nothing.   It was about undoing harm that was done, paying the cost of a life to the family of the dead when a life was taken, regardless of the issue.  It was not about what you wear, who you impress, and who you claim as your personal gods.

We all have our personal beliefs and spirituality- and that’s just it- our beliefs are personal, meaning that my belief system has no bearing on what you choose to believe except that my belief system does not allow for discrimination based on who you pay homage to….  You can be giving offerings to Sutr, Jesus, Baphomet, Satan, or Cthulhu for all I care…. I don’t.

…and in this, yes, I am better than some of you who choose to pick enemies for the mere sake of wishing to have some force to fight against rather than even make an attempt at peace, understanding, and diplomacy.

Please take your horned helmets and your giant hammers elsewhere,  You are not going to be walking onto a dragonship to pillage anything anytime soon.  You will never be given the opportunity to fight with live steel against people you disagree with. You can wear all the costumes you like, but your dedication to historical accuracy (or lack thereof) is no indication of your dedication to the Gods, Truth, or Personal Honor.

Please join me in attempting to show Heathenry as respectable a faith as any in this century by the return of honor and accountability to humankind-  not crap about whose imaginary friend is “enemy” of your own.

I can assure you the Gods do not battle in such ways among themselves- and if you would lift your eyes from the stories of the past to commune with the Gods of the present, you will find I am sincere and truthful…and my UPG is no more or less credible than any other.

Os and Perspectives

Posted in Uncategorized on April 11, 2013 by Tyrienne

Kitt Souvanna-Artist

Forgive the rambling nature of this post-  I have many thoughts floating free this evening and sometimes, free form writing can be as therapeutic and worthwhile as something more organized.  This is not a particular post on a topic-  it’s more of just an exploration of the thoughts currently floating in my mind.  This state is called “half-triggered”- I am not completely fine, but nor am I distressed- just pensive and introverted.  Tired and overthinking- pushed too far and pulling myself back one rope grasp at a time handhold over handhold back to the present.

First of all, I would like to state that the current state of the American Heathen community is truly perplexing to me; there are people who loathe me who have never met me- on account of the label of “Lokian/Lokean”.  Why would anyone choose to harbor such strong emotions over a word without actually personally meeting me, reading my writing, or even really knowing anything about me?   I don’t know of any group that I instantly judge in such a way- and honestly, as a whole all of humanity is generally confusing to me in general.

Another thought- Sort of like when you see your successor in your ex-lover’s life and find them to be less attractive, kind, and intelligent than you are-  does that mean to imply that you are lower than such a person, or that your ex lover is aiming low?  I am not an attractiveness ideal by any means- however, at least I clearly bathe daily, take care of myself through diet and exercise, and although I am cis-gender, I do know how to put on a “good show” when I need to making me a pretty solid 7 out of 10 by personal bisexual assessment.  I am getting replaced by solid 3’s across the board….especially in “kindness” category.  I can understand a less attractive person with a hell of a personality, but I am seeing ex’s in what appears to be abusive relationships and it makes me feel sad for them- and I do not understand their reasoning for their choices.

I had my ex fiancee leave me for a troll-like woman who proudly worked for Monsanto, intentionally neglecting her birth control with the intention of getting pregnant to trap him,  and took devilish delight in making the lives of Canadian farmers a living hell- all the while as his parents owned the largest cattle ranch in Val Marie, Sk.   I have seen the wedding pictures-  on this continent, people believe the truth is in the smile- when the Asians know correctly, the truth of emotion is in the eyes;  exhaustion, weariness, and defeat.  I feel sad for him- but his family is comprised of strong, good folk who will make certain his child is raised well with plenty of positive influences to counteract the negative.  I wish for that child to have wild summers on the family farm chasing cattle dogs, tipping cattle, and riding horses just like his grandparents… and I have little reason to believe my hope is different than reality.

Another ex ended up with a woman who asked him to “Stop speaking with big words” because it made her “feel bad” while controlling who he may/may not speak to because she feels “threatened”- she is a larger girl, attractive, but insecure.  He’s still with her.   The only thing these women have in common is more conventionally feminine personalities and interests.   Nice people also do not generally control their partners in who they may and may not associate with.

I have my flaws as well- but only with one specific individual: In the case of my relationship there is one woman who specifically targets men in relationships to sleep with (according to her Plenty of Fish profile), cuts herself frequently, is a heroine addict, and who has proudly spread her legs for most of the city (again, plenty of fish as well as words from my fiancee’s coworkers)- ironically, she accused me of being a negative influence on my fiancee at the beginning of our relationship on account of my percieved “instability” after months of not speaking to him.   I flyted the shit out of her-  one who has enough marks on her arm to create an N gauge railroad cannot criticize the mental stability of another.

My favorite line was “Sweetheart, if you are going to cut yourself, at very least do it properly: Down the road, deeply.  Not shallowly across the street.”

In her case, I would allow him to associate with her if she came over here to our house while I was here- and I would gladly stay in another room to allow their conversation.  Not surprisingly, she declined only wishing to meet with him alone…indicating to me her intentions were far from honorable.

Apparently, she just was released from an institution.  I have been in institutions- but over things done TO me, not things done to myself.  I do admit to being elitist, seeing people who intentionally inject themselves with toxins and create completely visible scars on their bodies tend to give the rest of us who struggle with mental illness a bad reputation. Perhaps imitation is the sincerest form of flattery; however, I doubt she was committed for being tortured and interrogated for 5 hours without legal representation like I was which drove me to 201 commitment, nor was she involved with a narcissist who used her as a brain drain for his own research projects, psychological abuse, and eventually stalking.

Anyone else- fuck, my fiancee can go out where ever he wants, whenever he wants.  If I did not trust my fiancee- I would not be with him.  But I will not have the possibility of putting him into danger of becoming drugged and raped by an unpredictable woman.

However, if my past history is any indication, if I were to lose him it would be to  a woman of her caliber…. a confused histrionic whore with a penchant for self-mutilation and self-entitled narcissism.

Yes, I know her commitment had nothing to do with me- however, I won’t rule it out, either.   Apparently, many people had “plans” for my fiancee as their “back-up” choice for a life partner- counting on his record of long periods of being single.   Apparently, seeing him engaged seems to have driven both women and men to insane actions and outbursts. I am told a lot of people used to be “different” before I began dating Eddie- then over the past few months, they deteriorated.  Then again For every bad memory of college I relive, there is an image of a young, long haired poet at the foot of Mount Damavand laying among the flowers and writing his thoughts in a journal in beautiful curling script, reading “Le Petit Prince” en Francais and dreaming of living abroad….and one day, I will write about him- my lost friend- and what the world missed out on in not getting to know him before he lost himself.   ….but who he is now is a stranger I do not wish to know.

I would  be polite should I see her, yet still step back a step when she holds the horn to avoid her wyrd….thankfully, she is not even Heathen and only appeared at events we no longer attend.

Speaking of which, this leads me to another interesting concept; the idea of the false teacher…. the one who harmed me is far from my life now; but yet,   I was torn apart by a yoga teacher, criticized for my spiritual beliefs-  not even for being Lokian- but for being Asatru/Heathen in general since “He has been to Sweden, his wife is Swedish, and he speaks Swedish and knows the faith to be false”.

Sorry chief, first of all- 90% of Sweden is Atheist….and my family is Latvian/Pa Dutch making the argument null and void… my Religion is not Scandinavian, it is from my family’s traditions, my own research, and soul-searching. My grandma still talks about the time the Christians came to her village to baptize the locals only for the locals to jump into a separate river as soon as the invaders left to “wash off” the baptism.    He wanted me to respect him- he asked me what I wanted.  I told him I respected him as a friend to my fiancee and  as a yoga teacher: it was not good enough.   He believes a blue man with a flute is God- as in GOD- the one and only.  That’s nice- Krishna is not my God…. and for a 10 year friendship with my fiancee- he proudly proclaimed to me that as a teacher, “He had no friends- he was a teacher and needed to keep himself a part from his students.”  …including my fiancee   I replied “That sounds lonely, I feel bad for you.”- to which he entered into what I could best described as a rage.   I was kicked out of the studio a week later when I stopped attending his classes in favor of other teachers- and asked one other teacher where else he taught yoga and relayed the entire interaction to him.

So, I learned that “shit talking” means “telling the truth.”    Got it, humanity.   At Lokiblot, another former friend of that particular man approached me and told me he used to be an entirely different person…. one who didn’t demand unquestioning ass-kissing, one who had friends and respected the beliefs and ideas of others, and she was incredibly saddened at the change in him which had also become apparent in his frantic, un-researched facebook posts claiming that yoga and odd dietary behavior can allow one to live past 200 years old.  Here is a man clinging to the desire to appear to be a guru for the very survival of his business.  Yet, no guru I know would ever tear another human being down with lies and conjecture.   No human spiritual teacher would-( that alone, is the Gods purview in my opinion)  A human spiritual teacher does their best to lift up humanity with their words- we certainly have enough people tearing us down.  I am teacher no more or less than any other human being- and I see no human being as being greater than any other.  As far as teachers are concerned; I have learned to research and look to the Gods for guidance.

She apologized that I never got to see the old him, and apologized for his actions- not her fault.

Furthermore, over the course of the past few weeks I have seen a woman who publicly attempted to “summon a demon” at a heathen gathering to impress the audience (he wasn’t a demon- he was a jinn- but that is beside the point; I studied Islam, and to anyone outside of the knowledge of Islam a jinn would seem “demonic”) disown my fiancee because he praised the Jotuns.   Not even specific Jotuns….and even when it was pointed out that Tyr, Skadi, Thor, et all had Jotun blood- she publicly denounced my fiancee, insulted him- and unfriended the two of us.  She held an Ostara event which had a grand total of under 5 people who showed.   Our Lokiblot had 12.

She said to us “You reap what your sow”.  Well, my dear- you certainly did, didn’t you?

Lokiblot:  Almost a year in planning- was a moderate success; to my dismay, the children who were in attendance were in a constant state of agitation; I have no experience with children- however, those that did warmed my heart by taking turns trying to sooth them and calm them down.  All in all, out of 12 people attending I would say at least 7 spent time taking care of children they were not related to.  That is community, so even if the ritual itself was interrupted at moments by the cries of a newborn or the frustration of a 4 year old who could not figure out why touching the keys of my computer made movies stop playing….we made it though, and for it- more Heathens connected with other heathens.

There is few more satisfying feelings than seeing friends becoming friends with others on your list—- it creates a network, a web of people of common interests and mindset that surrounds each person in the web with acceptance and new understanding.

If it is of any consequence, the Sumbel was fantastic- 4 rounds, 1 to the Gods, 1 to ancestors, 1 round to amusing stories, and one round to boasts.

My boast was this blog- that it seems to have consistent international readership to my amazement…  I honestly am writing this blog to fulfill an Oath to Tyr and a promise to Loki.

But, I guess other than the first post this is the most “human” of everything I have written.  I am judgmental, sometimes insecure, and I feel satisfaction when people who harm or discredit me or people I love receive consequences for their actions.  I am not a hexer- but I can predict consequences well.  I know the yoga studio is in financial trouble and losing two consistent clients will likely hurt….it took well over a week to get our refund check.

However, we are REALLY looking forward to trying out something called “Bikram” which involves mild postures conducted in a room heated to 115 degrees Fahrenheit with humidifiers to make the environment basically into a sweat-lodge type thing.    Ed always wanted to go there but his former friend spoke so resentfully of it that he did not wish to offend him.  Now we are free to go where we want, to try new things we were unable to previously.

The price of freedom is always some kind of loss- nothing in this world is free.  I am on Disability for PTSD and have days that are completely lost to being stuck in past periods of time- the anger, the pain, and confusion of things that I could never understand-  an interrogation where I was forbidden legal council for 5 hours, a professor who turned into an admirer and enemy concurrently, bad relationships, abandonment, car accidents and  many painful surgeries.

But I am free.  My time is mostly my own-  I can write, I account for my time to no one except medical professionals- but in exchange for this freedom is losing myself to unknown triggers….and then, I belong to the grip of the past, trapped in a negative delusion that horrors I have experienced are once again occurring.

When I met Loki- he pointed out a man from the window of the room we were in: “Protect him- he is worthy of your protection and you will learn much from him.”

…and so I did, I protected that man- and in turn I watched how a religious, God-touched individual can lose their faith in favor of false celebrity and the trappings of the material world….and have over 400 letters of what was essentially the last of his inner self saying “goodbye” to reality, to spirituality, and the mad calling to the Poetry of the Sufi in favor of Politics of the academic.

Through the pain of being a student assistant/student-slave to a false teacher myself- Loki gave me the coin with which to buy my freedom.  Sadly, that coin is inscribed “madness”- But it has two faces- the other side of madness brings knowledge.  Ask Odin about how he discovered the Runes, sometime….

Therefore, I am not “tame” any longer to any hand- for I have learned freedom does not hold with collars;  the fear and mindless hatred from others is better than a life enslaved to rigid ideas, to other people’s thoughts, or to be apprenticed or subjugated.   I may be hated,  people may curse me, but I wake up every morning next to my fiancee- we eat breakfast, maybe go out for a little.  I take him to work, I come home-  when the curse of bad thoughts come to me, I can sleep to bypass them, I can surf the internet, or call on a friend.  I can write when I want, whatever I want.  I am financially secure, and I am no ones human slave.

Then, I pick up my fiancee from work, where he shakes off the shackles of the day and we spend the nights wild as we please in our magic, love, and free conversations.  Our short term memories stilted so badly that arguments last moments only to be forgotten- then onwards to read books curled together or watch a movie before retiring each night snug with our cats.  Neither of us are tame- we are committed to one another, but commitment and submission are two entirely different concepts. My Gods protect me, my fiancee loves me, I have a close relationship with my brother and grandmother and close, long-term friends.  The only candles I light are for the dead to find their way and those who are ill who need the help of Eir.

The first thunderstorm of the year is occurring outside at this moment-  I adore thunderstorms- and still, I have not made an effort to outreach to Thunar/Thor although I am told he asks for me to.

I admit to my cowardliness as well; perhaps tonight I will try to reach back and see what He of Storms wishes to say to me-  Loki has been the one to indicate this would be no bad thing for me-  I am not going to be hurt or reprimanded; and I need to remind myself that I have friends who are Thorsmen who have been as good to me as others have been evil.  But when one has been hurt repeatedly in the name of a God, it makes speaking to that same God a fearful prospect.

When people speak ill of me, I know as long as I live honestly my Gods will watch for me;  I have the freedom to tell the truth, I have the freedom to walk my path, and I have my freedom to go where I am welcome, to choose my friends, to live a life, albeit an unconventional one- that can still have a positive influence.

…and when I speak of other people in a negative light, it is my truth, my Os to share- the uncomfortable truth- that I am most comfortable with.  Once in a while, even I have the desire to rip apart the sternum and expose the wounded, contradictory hearts of those who wish only to harm and divide…and I feel no sympathy to those who throw the first punches unprovoked who find themselves alone in the end.

Nine FAQ about Loki and Ásatrú

Posted in Uncategorized on April 8, 2013 by Tyrienne

A great read:

via Nine FAQ about Loki and Ásatrú.

Your Mileage May Vary…

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on April 4, 2013 by Tyrienne
Red Companion, bringer of change: A woman's Divine friend and Confidant. By Anastasia Borzykh

Red Companion, bringer of change: A woman’s Divine friend and Confidant.
By Anastasia Borzykh

I write this post in response to an artful post by fellow Lokian, A Myriad of Faces,   and perhaps have realized that in my defense of those of us under the cloak of Loki, I may have accidentally pigeon-holed fellow Lokians to the outside community.  First of all, the uniting factor between every single true Heathen of His are two unmistakable qualities:  Intelligence and Adaptability.   Some people are born this way, some people end up learning how to become so after years of accidental training, some of which may be trauma-induced.  Loki, although compassionate to the  suffering, is not a God of the weeping hopeless-  but rather, the God of those who would push themselves despite their difficulties in life.  To be defiant against odds is more to His liking than to be retiring- but to be injured is not a matter of scorn, but a badge that some may wear showing that they have taken chances in life- that to be hurt, one may have held convictions against the common ground- to have loved when love is anathema, and to have screamed against the hordes of bleating sheep-like minds to wake up from the anesthesia of the propaganda of popular culture, society, false news, false values, and ultimately, the acceptance of what is untruthful.

One does not need to have a horrid past, painful scars, or injury: physical or mental, to be intelligent and adaptable.

Os is a rune of hard truths; Dagaz, the daylight that illuminates both the delightful and the disturbing-   To be Lord of both is to shine light into darkness; appreciated or not, for it needs to be done.  Truth is not swayed by opinion, tempered by fear, or changed by disgust.  Truth does not vanish when ignored, denied, or rallied against.  Truth simply is- Truth stands above social niceties, political agendas, and the laws of mankind.  Sacred laws, laws of physics, and one’s honor to the self, to their Faith, and to face Truth squarely, despite the potential consequences mark us.  Not suffering-  many of us are still learning how to avoid the pain of seeing beyond the figurative fourth wall, the illusion of Plato’s cave- while the rest of mankind remains entertained and enthralled by shadows.   Not everyone needed to find pain to find truth, some have been blessed to be naturally perceptive.

Lokians, and those like us in general are becoming more important since our global society overall has become a force that wishes to criminalize the intellect-  At least in the United States… we live in a time of bread and circuses and our students are taught the memorization of inaccurate “facts” rather than the variety of ways to perceive the world around them- though art, logic, music, or simple Logos (the search for truth through the divine).

From even a young age those perceived of superior intelligence are meant to be held suspect.  For every cartoon on television, there are villains that range from “mad” scientists, to “evil” geniuses.   The “good” intellectuals found in popular culture are depicted as misunderstood loners- such a Bruce Wayne (Batman)- or even semi-sociopathic and self serving anti-heros such as Tony Stark (Iron Man).

Common heroes are seen to have simple, non-complex lives—-there is a clear division between what is “good” and what is “evil”, and even in many religions such as Christianity, that dichotomy is instilled in our societal values that there is a clear division between what is “right” and what is “wrong”…despite the fact that the intellect sees clearly that the world is not only far from dichromatic, or even shades of grey- but rather multifaceted, complex and for the most part beyond our comprehension as a whole.

The first problem with being intelligent is realizing how little of the world we can truly understand.  Unanimously, those of high intelligence oftentimes feel overwhelmed not by what they know; but rather by what they do not understand.   I have found time and time again the brightest, most sensitive and perceptive minds I have encountered feel themselves to be intellectually inferior by the knowledge that one cannot possibly understand the world in any form of concrete matter-  it forces the intellectual to become flexible in their belief systems and opinions of others, and most of all- open to all possibilities, ideas, and opportunities to increase their understanding.  This is the rock of Sisyphus, the concept that in this life, on Midgard, that even the brightest among us cannot see more than 3 pieces of the puzzle that makes up Reality- and in fact, Reality itself is actually not as concrete as many people assume becomes overwhelming.

This is chaos, our lack of true perception;  Yet this is also Order, but one too complex for the entirety of our understanding.

There are those who will attempt to impose order upon what they do not understand fully, and then there are Lokians/Tricksters/Magicians who will show the loophole, the forgotten, and the excluded from the “law” that renders it nonsensical.   There is ultimate order in the universe, but to claim any human has the key to it is the ultimate in hubris-  far better it is to take all information in stride, to observe, and to keep attempting to show others the full spectrum of colors to those who have only been given instruction in black and white, and falsely informed that black and white are the only colors in the spectrum.  (this is a metaphor)

So, back to truth.  What is it?  The definition I hold dear is that for every “rule” a human will state, there will be an exception to that rule.  Truth indicates that there are no sweeping definitives, there is no clear “Right” and “Wrong” in most scenerios….but instead there are beings who can either choose each moment to make the best decisions they can with the resources and information they have at the time,  others who choose to make no decisions at all,  or those, like divine fools, follow their mystic hearts and ignore the harsh voice of rationality and step off the cliff with an equal chance to flight or failure.   …and of course, there are also all the people in between, as well as people whose actions change unpredictably with each scenario, unique like snowflakes or the respective crimson of each maple leaf in Autumn.

So, a paradox- is it a definitive rule that there are no definitive rules?

False.  For the answer lies within the heart… in our Faith, we know the Truth in when we are told we are loved…. and we see love expressed to us by both divine and mundane sources.  In the Divine, we find ourselves given multitudes of blessings- the joy of curiosity and gratefulness, the ability to create and contribute positively to our communities and our greater world around us with our words, our art, and each action—the poetry of human existence, each human a thread woven through the complex cloth of life, each person holding the keys to a creative mind within them (whether they choose to employ that mind or not).   We find that our prayers are answered, we find ourselves granted divine insights, and we find communion with our Gods—and through the teachings of our Gods, we find the greatest joy of finding ourselves in complete freedom when we realize that all problems we experience are simply puzzles to solve rather than impassible barriers.  In our Mundane lives love is shown by those close to us, by their willingness to stand beside us, to hold and be held when compassion bids us, and to be frithful to those who care to do honorably by all others to the best they are able.

We (hopefully) learn to keep our wants simple:  when asked what he wanted when he finished college, my friend Kristian,(who I fully believe to be a prodigy), answered “I just want to be happy.”

That sentence changed my life entirely.   From then on no achievement, degrees, or habits for the future meant nearly as much as I was told they should mean.

To me, every single human is my equal- I will not bow before a guru, a teacher, or a scholar.   However, those mystics who allow the Divine to speak through them will always have my rapt attention;   those who decide that their Religion and their Gods are their center (regardless of their religion) are ever my friends- for I have made the same choice.  Even if we do not share the same Patrons, background, or religion- those who started with books and moved beyond them to touch the greater universe and the Divine mark themselves by their lack of judgemental-ness and depth of their compassion.

I learned that there truly is no such thing as a human “teacher” since we can learn equally as much from the retarded as from a PhD….and a PhD is no indicator of depth of insight, strength of intellect, or of moral capacity- but rather an indicator of being able to jump through the appropriate hoops to impress the appropriate people to speak on your behalf to a committee that your writing style (which you tailor to your human teacher’s specifications) is adequate enough to impress others with PhD’s.  Further: it can simply be a sign of wealth; since programs that fully fund PhD students have been on a sharp decline for several years.

Loki is the defiant, he is the trickster, he is the bane of the hardheaded and the hard hearted alike.  His tests are not easy, but I can attest that He is greater than any human teacher…  I have followed human teachers on bended knee before only to find them hamstrung by their own flaws.  Our Gods are not even flawless, however, they can perceive what we cannot—and in turn teach us to stretch our horizons without ever claiming ownership of knowledge, but rather enjoying bathing in the cool water of eternal learning, of freedom from dogma, and the ultimate freedom of joy and creativity.   Odin does not even hold ultimate knowledge, but amongst our ancestors he came closest through multiple sacrifices; there is freedom in madness, there is reward in creating our own order, and in recognizing any order we impose on our universe can be washed away like a castle in the sand.

Loki eternally teaches by trial and error.  Loki has taught me error is not failure, but a lesson- and success is not an end, but a beginning.  There are always new things to learn, to express, and to appreciate.  The exchange for this is to stand fast against untruth, even if it seems difficult or unpopular to do so.

My words are my artform and this is my canvas.  A former lover (in heart, not in body) said twice to me “Your words are like a clear glass.”   But I would prefer if my words served more as a mirror.  If “Cellar door” is the most beautiful phonetic word in English, the most beautiful word in Persian is “Ayaneh”- which means mirror.    I want you to see what I can see— and in turn, I want to see your world through your eyes.

I also find it interesting that my favorite news source, “Spiegel” means the same en Deutsch.

Like my friend Myriad, I, too, can converse in multiple languages-  when I remember them.  En Deutsch, Farsi, Espanol, and writing in Runic.  I may not be able to do it with her mastery, but when I need to remember- it comes to me.   I am learning to get less frustrated with my poor short term memory and to rely, again, on both my faith that as long as I remain honorable to the best of my understanding of honor, loving to the best of my heart’s knowledge of loving, and receptive to greater knowledge- knowing I can only do the best I can with the resources present at any given moment- that I have happiness, and much to rejoice for.

Difficulties are temporary.  Sufism taught me that both the pursuit of love and knowledge are eternal, and Loki taught me that this search will never leave one stranded, bored, or lonely unless I make the conscious decision to be or remain any of those three things.