New Etsy Store: Tiedye the American Folk Art

Posted in About me on October 10, 2018 by Tyrienne

I have been working hard over several months around my schedule of bad health and/or bad luck to create an Etsy shop with the purpose of generating some extra income for my family.

My goal is to purchase a good chicken coop with a run for a few laying hens… and also, I can really use a haircut.

Welcome to TwoMountainCreek

I picked the name literally because our property is creekside and between Mount Neversink and Mount Penn.

I have slow going in getting everything I want accomplished, but I am (mostly) proud of my work and I am always trying to add more as time and stamina allow.

Excellent tie dye is an American folk art. I am all for trying to make my tiny buisiness work. I upcycle thift store finds and occassional bulk purchase white t-shirts.

Yes, I do commissions and if you have suggestions on how to achieve some sales I am all ears. Each garment is washed several times and dyed with professional procion dyes.

These colors have yet to fade in any of the shirts I kept for myself, and I wear my own work as often as I can if I plan on being ‘out in the wild’…

Unfortunately, the only time I am out of the house lately is either orchestra or doctor appointments lately.

On the positive, I have friends coming by to help model for me! That should help since they . Miranda this weekend and my fellow Lokean Erik later this month if all goes well.

Here are some (but not all) of my designs for sale presently:

Support Heathen owned and operated buisiness: buy a shirt please!

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Social Media is Terrible for everything (at least to me)

Posted in About me on October 3, 2018 by Tyrienne

I am still facebook free, however, I am still on Reddit a few times a day.

The last few weeks have been difficult, I was injured by a freak accident and had some other bizarre health issues…some of which lend me particularly to vulnerability and potential embarrassment. Without fail, I notice the articles displayed on the Reddit mainpage echoing and amplifying my fatalistic moments into panic.

I would like to pass.

I have been making some lifestyle changes; namely, attempting to conscientiously spend as little unproductive time on the internet as possible in exchange for real world stuff.

I know I cannot possibly be the only human who feels kicked in the teeth by a news article or twenty that just-so-happen to prey on vulnerable insecurities or negative recollections of personally traumatic experience.

I am not the only person with CPTSD. Also: I believe even people with normal mental health can feel utterly miserable after a few minutes on the internet.

This is not healthy, folks. I may be the old, tailess fox attempting to convince you my inability to operate much online since I have too many traps that can retrigger a psychological spiral into the flashback ghetto…

Then again, who has not been profoundly hurt by life, at least once…in a way they do not want to be reminded of ad nauseam?

Pretty much what I can conclude is most people online are both hurting for any number of reasons and somehow, also aggressively defensive of their sovereign views shared by whatever chosen few we each align as if we are not manipulated by every variety of digital media….

As for me, I am working my damndest to wrestle and regain enough of my attention span back from digital media to be able to read a book like I used to without a loss of attention.

Unless, I can be productive. Writing is productive. I’ll allow this exception along with posting my tie-dye on etsy (To list a single shirt takes over an hour!) Or catch up on documentaries or instructional videos.

In other news; I now play with two orchestras. Viola, mostly- also some violin and cello. I might pick up a cheap flute.

Gods… just keep me off the fucking internet!

Lesson: Do not attempt chemistry on a burnt eyeball

Posted in About me on September 24, 2018 by Tyrienne

Hi there!

I have been nursing a burnt eyeball for three days. I had a lamp on my headboard that was charged with batteries, those batteries leaked, and I ended up with a fun filled ride in the ambulance to the Emergency room as saline dripped directly into my eye…

After being hooked up to a hose-suction cup device that was absolutely zero fun, they sent me home with antibiotic cream and a followup my insurance has denied until I can get a referral on Monday.

As of right now I have burnt the side of my cornea, my tear duct, and a little bit of my eyelid, I also have a few tiny chemical burns on my forehead.

I can see, but the cream makes me panic since it greatly fogs my vision.

Hopefully, I will fully recover. In the meantime, I resemble a plague victim with conjunctivitis.

The I Quit Facebook Challenge

Posted in About me on August 26, 2018 by Tyrienne

Please quit facebook.

It is lonely without it, true.

Your friends will mistakenly think you blocked them.

You will lose long-time connections and be consistently ‘out of the loop’ on most identity politics.

However.

You will regain the ineffable.

I have been off of all social media outside of Reddit since May 1st, I deleted both facebook profiles, and I do not regret it.

I cannot explain exactly why- but I see most social media as too invasive, cancerous, and as incubators of needless strife.

Focus is removed from the local and inminant and placed on the distant, the intangible and multipled with cultivated panic and fears in the absurd.

I miss a hell of a lot of you, but there is no fucking way I am wading through that swamp of insanity and sorrow when there are still perfectly valid methods that exist outside of facebook to reach me. If you want my email/phone number, ask.

My reddit handle is u/Tyrienne .

My life is still strange. I am now in treatment for chronic migraine- completely bewildered that synaestesia is actually migraine aura…and what I thought was depression is actually pain.

After some awful mishaps, I am responding very well to standard treatment of Topamax and rotated Triptans…and will be receiving my first round of over 30 botox shots to my head and neck in about a week.

My migraines originate from a childhood neck fracture that was not addressed properly when it occurred, nor should have ever occurred in the first place. My mother had a habit of strangling me… despite multiple MRI/CAT scans over the years, the healed over compressed vertebrae in my neck was overlooked, like my synaestesia, by most doctors.

I am trying to process it all, but everything is happening at a very rapid pace at this time.

There are days of outstanding productivity thanks to the new treatment, as well as days that are of pain that I have not known prior- it seems treatment means instead of remaining at a constant level of “barely functional” I now exist in two extremes between “super functional” and “utterly useless”.

Most of my family and close friends have no idea any of this has/is even occurring. The past few months has been a blur of hospital visits and constant medication switching.

I feel incredibly grateful that I now have profound hope for my own future, but I also wrestle with a great deal of complicated emotions regarding my past.

My anxiety remains unchanged.

Regardless, quit facebook. It will be good for you…and while you are at it, stop drinking soda and eating processed foods.

To be more positive: endevour to rise above social media and liberate yourselves from all that harms you.

Hailsa:) I am still alive.

-Ren (Tyrienne)

Don’t assume.

Posted in About me on August 12, 2018 by Tyrienne

I did. I am naïve as all hell, and this has led to some interesting situations.

Now I am stuck hiding in my house sick as a dog because I trusted in the intellect and inherent belief of goodness of all medical professionals only to have found myself the survivor of gross incompetence leading to hospitization and a near future visit to some hardcore medical facility over an hour away.

On the bright side, at least my diagnosis was cleared up in the ER as just simple migraines responsive to simple treatments; however mismanagement of my case requires I need to get to the superior health system in my area for appropriate treatment.

Do not trust doctors who want to try ‘experimental’ treatments on you, folks… do not allow yourself to ever be a guinea pig out of blind trust.

Next problem…How will I learn to trust any neurologist again?

‘Forgiveness’ is not a ‘Virtue’ I ascribe to… Change my mind.

Posted in About me on August 7, 2018 by Tyrienne

I have a long memory. To conpensate for my lack of ability to find my glasses, keys, or figure out why I am suddenly in the laundry room… For whatever reason I have impeccably and aggressively accurate memory long term.

Esoterically, I come from a European culture of grudges. My grandma still feels bitter/hurt about various aspects of Latvian-American politics dating to the fall of the USSR. I align myself with a Tyr-like mindset and feel everyone should be honest about their mistakes, forthright, and accountable at all times for their actions both positive as well as negative.

I have my bitterness about the deterioration of my local Asatru community into splinter factions comprised of cowards, idiots, or assholes. (Stephen…I said local. This post is not directed to anyone named ‘Stephen’ nor named after birds)

I do not hold that if one is silent in the face of gross injustice deserves forgiveness for free without first holding themselves accountable for their actions or inaction that caused harm.

I do not give any weight to ‘good intentions’…. I despise the Kantian ethic. I do not hold that friendship or good works prior to causing harm to my house ‘equals out’ in the end.

Committing a wrong is not set right by time alone.

‘Good intentions’ is the social shield of cowards unable to muster the courage necessary to stand up against injustice, lies, and to assuage themselves that being a meek little chipmunk is a valid expression for a Heathen so long as the masses they serve are happy.

So many hypocritical, short-sighted Odin-worshippers only play lipservice to the Gods and I absolutely loathe it.

To be a Heathen, is a religion comprised of right action, not empty words. Acts of social diplomacy must be required to have weight and substance beyond superficial pleasantries.

I hold all people to the ethic of their self proclaimed religious systems, and I admit fully that I hold the Norse worshippers to a higher standard.

There are three catagories of Heathens in my life:

1. People who live by the Virtues and still hold my respect, (Even if I am not the most communicative lately.)

2. People not even worth my thoughts, mostly forgotten.

3. People I respect or still feel some attachment to that have acted in duplicity: stating they are a ‘friend’ who either acts unethically or fails to act to stop injustice when they have the ability/social influence/authority to do so. Yet, I still cannot shake a sense of kinship as much as I may wish to.

Odinism is ultimately not a religion of Christ-like kindness in most circles, and I support that harsh mindset fully without exceptions.

Therefore, my judgenent towards Asatru leaders is even more pointed, my memories still vivid, and I remain unimpressed by fellow clergy who know they have done wrong by myself and my husband and wish to act in the Braucherei-Christian manner of “forgive and forget”, without addressing me as an equal and stating, before pleasantries to my husband at very least the cowardly squeak of apology for allowing your kindred to be ruled by fuckups and liars five years ago.

I hope you feel the weight of guilt in your soul for your inaction on the gross defamation of character my husband and I endured for years by your ambivalence.

Also, realize for all your self-created and bestowed titles and accolades, your resumé lacks my ecclesiastical training, you do not see my chaplaincy and the lives I have saved in the night, you have not attended the memorial services I wrote or performed, nor do you even scarcely comprehend the dedication I have served to our shared Gods and our people across the world, but not written about in any newsletters nor published chapters in the books of known plagiarists.

I resent that you are a hypocritical leader that has not lived up even to my standard of ethic.  I resent you for not being a better Odinist towards us.

I don’t need to prove myself any longer; you know what I do.

However, if you still have the spark of “connection” you claim, you also know I speak nothing short of the truth.

However, I should not be forced to remind myself that I am on equal authority, degrees, and certifications as pretty much any other accepted popular Asatru authority such as yourself. Your title means nothing to me in your organizations- in the end, we get the same badge for hospital visits, we have the same authority under US law to marry, provide last rights, or council those who are suffering.

There is not a single thing you are legally authorized to perform that I cannot. The difference is that my people are the unaffiliated worshippers of Woden who want nothing to do with Universalist nor Folkish politics, and you also know this to be true.

I am working on myself to feel more solid in my accomplishments and with that, the courage to stand with pridein my clergywork…

…The time I dedicate to serving others which is mostly unseen unlike the public and empty gestures of an Asatru authority figure who can pass a stein around a broken circle, but likely no longer dedicate himself to fixing the broken of our people as individuals or, more importantly, show due diligence to the health shared orlog with others, (primarily myself as a Hildebrandt- a likely cousin) that you ceased to honor since it was no longer convenient to have someone so blunt as myself in your delicate Wyrd web of fools.

My worship of Chaos deities such as Loki is balanced by Tyr; but dismissing my point of view on account of the archaetypes I align myself is a weak fallacy… it does not change that the fruit of my actions is positive in this world, deny my accomplishments, nor my very equal legitimacy to you.

In Asatru, we are all equal. However, to whom this is is directed; realize we effectively have been given the same “job” by our Gods and ancestors, and I pointedly recall how you personally failed me when I did see you as a greater authority than I.

And tell me, now that I understand that we stand as equals in this religion, what reason should I have for forgiving you for not standing up to us if you claimed Frith with us…but stronger Frith with proven liars, frauds, and the blatently unethical; those whose side you took with your silence at their false accusations who have fallen out of this community entirely while I still remain?

I am not going anywhere. My husband was hurt enough to find refuge with other Gods, but I am not so easily shaken from my core belief system.

Now then, open to anyone: why should I, purely from a Norse standpoint, forgive either the cowards who are silent to injustice or the liars who perpetuate it? Why should I forgive, without hearing a personal apology, someone who allowed my spouse and I to be slandered for years when you knew and still know we are blameless?

Perhaps… it may be a fitting apology to recognize the sacrifices I have made in being among the first in our country to actually bother to earn accredited degrees in Theology and Philosophy. To recognize the resources I provide as a crisis chaplain to the suicidal and grieving, and the people I have sorted into the Universalist or Folkish camps.

What have you accomplished in five years that has improved Asatru beyond your public image? My current resentment makes me curious.

Somehow, I feel in my heart that our primary Asatru prison chaplain left that behind him, and yet, I still have operated for crisis and grief without pause… not seeking any sort of organization to climb socially that starves one’s time away from more meaningful contributions.

The only thing that prevents me from stating a name behind my glaring resentment at false civility towards my husband is for caution alone.

However, I will say, your garden fails while ours thrives… I would see that as a portent if I were you, cousin.

Remember: You use the words of my Hexerei ancestors as much of the source of your own religious core… is it impossible to expect you to make an attempt to set right the frith you broke with myself and my spouse?

The difference five years makes is now I know I am your equal, and I deserve the same respect from you that you once expected from me.

I have no idea if this post will have any impact whatsoever, but this is where I stand.

How dare you pretend to maintain the ‘status quo’ in friendly private conversation with my homestead without acknowledging your errors of the past.

I am not as mild as Edward… if I did not delete my facebook I would have confronted you directly.

Recession Indicators and my own #metoo

Posted in About me on July 17, 2018 by Tyrienne

My most humane moments in college were in a cubical stacked with books on economic and wartime history of the late 20th century, and a young professor who patiently attempted to teach me as his narcissist of a collegue milked me for material they could use in their own papers and lectures.

(The #Metoo movement is uncomfortable for me, I was never sexually exploited…then again is a fountain of academic papers exploited when plagarized if the author is to nïave to know better?)

This friend helped me live through a great deal, regrettably , cycles of flashbacks create a wall of trauma between myself and people I met while I was injured for periods of time.

For my own well being, I have learned to ride the waves of these cycles until they pass… My constitution score is deplorable but I have high hit points somehow. (I also have tachycardia and hypOTension, my existence is stacked file folders of contradictions)

So anyway, I am getting healthier, but not fast enough. I am fighting through constant brain fog induced by migraine medications and physical pain is often a steep cliff to climb.

However, I cannot ignore every economic indicator present for the wave of economic recession crashes publically. In my hysterical younger existence I still retained at least some of my education in Political Science.

It has already begun in my state with tent cities hidden within our major cities, the uptick on prices on groceries and fuels, and the enormous debt burdens carried by our friends and aquaintances from student loans, medical expenses, and failing health.

I am only 36 years old, I have friends in Europe and Australia who recieve exemplary preventative care and easy access to necessary medications and surgeries. Sometimes, I wonder if doctors of countries with better healthcare look at us as if we are still hacking away at our surgery patients like The Barber Of Seville, repleat with fast food ‘meat’ pies. Or perhaps treating our patients with leaches and opium (not far from the truth) instead of proper, modern healthcare.

Of course, there are exceptions… but I live locally and I am very selective of the topics of world news I focus on. Primarily, corperate personhood and the devaluation of the individual as a commodity in our current economic structure.

The problems are to broad of a scope for me to delineate. It is a situation I look at in the same manner people approach the grand canyon: “A great big orange hole in the ground” Describes both technically yet incompletely.

Often lately, I find myself feeling the impulse to emigrate out of this state or even this country. I am investing in my physical home in home and property improvements as much as my health allows.

I literally feel nervous we do not own egg laying chickens yet. This is anxiety I doubt anyone not-ridiculous experiences seriously… but as always, I am a self parody of a real human being. I can write as elegantly and eloquently as I can, however there is zero market for editorials without connections or nor journalism written free of propoganda for whomever pays or promises increases of standard if living, ergo, quality of life.

Regardless, somewhere…I am among someone’s favorite writers, even if it is just one person.

I try hard to hope that person or persons are not creepy people who have harmed me…but instead are decent people with good hearts. Sadly, I do not choose my small readership, you choose to read mevout if interest, curiosity, voyeurism, or obsession.

And I should not stop writing because I feel intimidated that people who intentionally, deliberately, and criminally harmed me and likely others read what I write along with kind strangers and friends.

My life is okay- my anxieties are global economic disaster and stalkers.

If you KNOW you are not welcome in my life… just know that I hate you specifically for causing writer’s anxiety. Generally, you would know if you are a stalker if you are rather certain I would call the police if you attempt contact me:)

Sometimes, when I think of all the people who have pursued contact with me after I state I wish no further contact, it feels like being buried in concrete. A relative who beat me, a handfull of ‘niceguys’ who can’t understand ‘no’, a guy who wrote a chapter in his book about ‘bringing me to Jesus’, a couple of ex-lovers, and two people who may actually be murderers.

My social anxiety is valid. My husband protects me and scares off these predators. My problem with #metoo is it doesn’t count abuse by women to women. Also, I hate hate hate the word ‘victim’.

I hate seeing it. It is like a scarlet letter that marks a person in an invisible fashion that is only visible to other abusers, it then deforms all life into social phobia and agoraphobia.

Not everyone has been stalked, threaten, or harmed by others. It isn’t glamorous, and it happens because the individual harmed often is lured into traps of feeling empathetic towards people who give the appearances of living through similar experiences or trying to seek help and the person offering a hand has ulterior motives.

In realising I am a horrendously terrible judge of character… and the current geopolitical climate has created nothing but the radicals and those who are just dropping from all social media as they are able… I am the latter.

Did an event cause this? Yes. I found out an ex was under alias as a fb ‘friend’ who sought me out via this blog.

I cannot emphasise this enough: go away. Do not comment, do not create a reaction blog. I delete stalker comments, I don’t read what anyone writes about me or whatever. I don’t even own a single book where I am mentioned, noreven read them. I fucking hide.

I write because if I don’t when I feel the need to, it affects my mental health extremely adversely.

But sometimes it helps other people as well… that makes it not so bad.