The I Quit Facebook Challenge

Posted in About me on August 26, 2018 by Tyrienne

Please quit facebook.

It is lonely without it, true.

Your friends will mistakenly think you blocked them.

You will lose long-time connections and be consistently ‘out of the loop’ on most identity politics.

However.

You will regain the ineffable.

I have been off of all social media outside of Reddit since May 1st, I deleted both facebook profiles, and I do not regret it.

I cannot explain exactly why- but I see most social media as too invasive, cancerous, and as incubators of needless strife.

Focus is removed from the local and inminant and placed on the distant, the intangible and multipled with cultivated panic and fears in the absurd.

I miss a hell of a lot of you, but there is no fucking way I am wading through that swamp of insanity and sorrow when there are still perfectly valid methods that exist outside of facebook to reach me. If you want my email/phone number, ask.

My reddit handle is u/Tyrienne .

My life is still strange. I am now in treatment for chronic migraine- completely bewildered that synaestesia is actually migraine aura…and what I thought was depression is actually pain.

After some awful mishaps, I am responding very well to standard treatment of Topamax and rotated Triptans…and will be receiving my first round of over 30 botox shots to my head and neck in about a week.

My migraines originate from a childhood neck fracture that was not addressed properly when it occurred, nor should have ever occurred in the first place. My mother had a habit of strangling me… despite multiple MRI/CAT scans over the years, the healed over compressed vertebrae in my neck was overlooked, like my synaestesia, by most doctors.

I am trying to process it all, but everything is happening at a very rapid pace at this time.

There are days of outstanding productivity thanks to the new treatment, as well as days that are of pain that I have not known prior- it seems treatment means instead of remaining at a constant level of “barely functional” I now exist in two extremes between “super functional” and “utterly useless”.

Most of my family and close friends have no idea any of this has/is even occurring. The past few months has been a blur of hospital visits and constant medication switching.

I feel incredibly grateful that I now have profound hope for my own future, but I also wrestle with a great deal of complicated emotions regarding my past.

My anxiety remains unchanged.

Regardless, quit facebook. It will be good for you…and while you are at it, stop drinking soda and eating processed foods.

To be more positive: endevour to rise above social media and liberate yourselves from all that harms you.

Hailsa:) I am still alive.

-Ren (Tyrienne)

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Don’t assume.

Posted in About me on August 12, 2018 by Tyrienne

I did. I am naïve as all hell, and this has led to some interesting situations.

Now I am stuck hiding in my house sick as a dog because I trusted in the intellect and inherent belief of goodness of all medical professionals only to have found myself the survivor of gross incompetence leading to hospitization and a near future visit to some hardcore medical facility over an hour away.

On the bright side, at least my diagnosis was cleared up in the ER as just simple migraines responsive to simple treatments; however mismanagement of my case requires I need to get to the superior health system in my area for appropriate treatment.

Do not trust doctors who want to try ‘experimental’ treatments on you, folks… do not allow yourself to ever be a guinea pig out of blind trust.

Next problem…How will I learn to trust any neurologist again?

‘Forgiveness’ is not a ‘Virtue’ I ascribe to… Change my mind.

Posted in About me on August 7, 2018 by Tyrienne

I have a long memory. To conpensate for my lack of ability to find my glasses, keys, or figure out why I am suddenly in the laundry room… For whatever reason I have impeccably and aggressively accurate memory long term.

Esoterically, I come from a European culture of grudges. My grandma still feels bitter/hurt about various aspects of Latvian-American politics dating to the fall of the USSR. I align myself with a Tyr-like mindset and feel everyone should be honest about their mistakes, forthright, and accountable at all times for their actions both positive as well as negative.

I have my bitterness about the deterioration of my local Asatru community into splinter factions comprised of cowards, idiots, or assholes. (Stephen…I said local. This post is not directed to anyone named ‘Stephen’ nor named after birds)

I do not hold that if one is silent in the face of gross injustice deserves forgiveness for free without first holding themselves accountable for their actions or inaction that caused harm.

I do not give any weight to ‘good intentions’…. I despise the Kantian ethic. I do not hold that friendship or good works prior to causing harm to my house ‘equals out’ in the end.

Committing a wrong is not set right by time alone.

‘Good intentions’ is the social shield of cowards unable to muster the courage necessary to stand up against injustice, lies, and to assuage themselves that being a meek little chipmunk is a valid expression for a Heathen so long as the masses they serve are happy.

So many hypocritical, short-sighted Odin-worshippers only play lipservice to the Gods and I absolutely loathe it.

To be a Heathen, is a religion comprised of right action, not empty words. Acts of social diplomacy must be required to have weight and substance beyond superficial pleasantries.

I hold all people to the ethic of their self proclaimed religious systems, and I admit fully that I hold the Norse worshippers to a higher standard.

There are three catagories of Heathens in my life:

1. People who live by the Virtues and still hold my respect, (Even if I am not the most communicative lately.)

2. People not even worth my thoughts, mostly forgotten.

3. People I respect or still feel some attachment to that have acted in duplicity: stating they are a ‘friend’ who either acts unethically or fails to act to stop injustice when they have the ability/social influence/authority to do so. Yet, I still cannot shake a sense of kinship as much as I may wish to.

Odinism is ultimately not a religion of Christ-like kindness in most circles, and I support that harsh mindset fully without exceptions.

Therefore, my judgenent towards Asatru leaders is even more pointed, my memories still vivid, and I remain unimpressed by fellow clergy who know they have done wrong by myself and my husband and wish to act in the Braucherei-Christian manner of “forgive and forget”, without addressing me as an equal and stating, before pleasantries to my husband at very least the cowardly squeak of apology for allowing your kindred to be ruled by fuckups and liars five years ago.

I hope you feel the weight of guilt in your soul for your inaction on the gross defamation of character my husband and I endured for years by your ambivalence.

Also, realize for all your self-created and bestowed titles and accolades, your resumé lacks my ecclesiastical training, you do not see my chaplaincy and the lives I have saved in the night, you have not attended the memorial services I wrote or performed, nor do you even scarcely comprehend the dedication I have served to our shared Gods and our people across the world, but not written about in any newsletters nor published chapters in the books of known plagiarists.

I resent that you are a hypocritical leader that has not lived up even to my standard of ethic.  I resent you for not being a better Odinist towards us.

I don’t need to prove myself any longer; you know what I do.

However, if you still have the spark of “connection” you claim, you also know I speak nothing short of the truth.

However, I should not be forced to remind myself that I am on equal authority, degrees, and certifications as pretty much any other accepted popular Asatru authority such as yourself. Your title means nothing to me in your organizations- in the end, we get the same badge for hospital visits, we have the same authority under US law to marry, provide last rights, or council those who are suffering.

There is not a single thing you are legally authorized to perform that I cannot. The difference is that my people are the unaffiliated worshippers of Woden who want nothing to do with Universalist nor Folkish politics, and you also know this to be true.

I am working on myself to feel more solid in my accomplishments and with that, the courage to stand with pridein my clergywork…

…The time I dedicate to serving others which is mostly unseen unlike the public and empty gestures of an Asatru authority figure who can pass a stein around a broken circle, but likely no longer dedicate himself to fixing the broken of our people as individuals or, more importantly, show due diligence to the health shared orlog with others, (primarily myself as a Hildebrandt- a likely cousin) that you ceased to honor since it was no longer convenient to have someone so blunt as myself in your delicate Wyrd web of fools.

My worship of Chaos deities such as Loki is balanced by Tyr; but dismissing my point of view on account of the archaetypes I align myself is a weak fallacy… it does not change that the fruit of my actions is positive in this world, deny my accomplishments, nor my very equal legitimacy to you.

In Asatru, we are all equal. However, to whom this is is directed; realize we effectively have been given the same “job” by our Gods and ancestors, and I pointedly recall how you personally failed me when I did see you as a greater authority than I.

And tell me, now that I understand that we stand as equals in this religion, what reason should I have for forgiving you for not standing up to us if you claimed Frith with us…but stronger Frith with proven liars, frauds, and the blatently unethical; those whose side you took with your silence at their false accusations who have fallen out of this community entirely while I still remain?

I am not going anywhere. My husband was hurt enough to find refuge with other Gods, but I am not so easily shaken from my core belief system.

Now then, open to anyone: why should I, purely from a Norse standpoint, forgive either the cowards who are silent to injustice or the liars who perpetuate it? Why should I forgive, without hearing a personal apology, someone who allowed my spouse and I to be slandered for years when you knew and still know we are blameless?

Perhaps… it may be a fitting apology to recognize the sacrifices I have made in being among the first in our country to actually bother to earn accredited degrees in Theology and Philosophy. To recognize the resources I provide as a crisis chaplain to the suicidal and grieving, and the people I have sorted into the Universalist or Folkish camps.

What have you accomplished in five years that has improved Asatru beyond your public image? My current resentment makes me curious.

Somehow, I feel in my heart that our primary Asatru prison chaplain left that behind him, and yet, I still have operated for crisis and grief without pause… not seeking any sort of organization to climb socially that starves one’s time away from more meaningful contributions.

The only thing that prevents me from stating a name behind my glaring resentment at false civility towards my husband is for caution alone.

However, I will say, your garden fails while ours thrives… I would see that as a portent if I were you, cousin.

Remember: You use the words of my Hexerei ancestors as much of the source of your own religious core… is it impossible to expect you to make an attempt to set right the frith you broke with myself and my spouse?

The difference five years makes is now I know I am your equal, and I deserve the same respect from you that you once expected from me.

I have no idea if this post will have any impact whatsoever, but this is where I stand.

How dare you pretend to maintain the ‘status quo’ in friendly private conversation with my homestead without acknowledging your errors of the past.

I am not as mild as Edward… if I did not delete my facebook I would have confronted you directly.

Recession Indicators and my own #metoo

Posted in About me on July 17, 2018 by Tyrienne

My most humane moments in college were in a cubical stacked with books on economic and wartime history of the late 20th century, and a young professor who patiently attempted to teach me as his narcissist of a collegue milked me for material they could use in their own papers and lectures.

(The #Metoo movement is uncomfortable for me, I was never sexually exploited…then again is a fountain of academic papers exploited when plagarized if the author is to nïave to know better?)

This friend helped me live through a great deal, regrettably , cycles of flashbacks create a wall of trauma between myself and people I met while I was injured for periods of time.

For my own well being, I have learned to ride the waves of these cycles until they pass… My constitution score is deplorable but I have high hit points somehow. (I also have tachycardia and hypOTension, my existence is stacked file folders of contradictions)

So anyway, I am getting healthier, but not fast enough. I am fighting through constant brain fog induced by migraine medications and physical pain is often a steep cliff to climb.

However, I cannot ignore every economic indicator present for the wave of economic recession crashes publically. In my hysterical younger existence I still retained at least some of my education in Political Science.

It has already begun in my state with tent cities hidden within our major cities, the uptick on prices on groceries and fuels, and the enormous debt burdens carried by our friends and aquaintances from student loans, medical expenses, and failing health.

I am only 36 years old, I have friends in Europe and Australia who recieve exemplary preventative care and easy access to necessary medications and surgeries. Sometimes, I wonder if doctors of countries with better healthcare look at us as if we are still hacking away at our surgery patients like The Barber Of Seville, repleat with fast food ‘meat’ pies. Or perhaps treating our patients with leaches and opium (not far from the truth) instead of proper, modern healthcare.

Of course, there are exceptions… but I live locally and I am very selective of the topics of world news I focus on. Primarily, corperate personhood and the devaluation of the individual as a commodity in our current economic structure.

The problems are to broad of a scope for me to delineate. It is a situation I look at in the same manner people approach the grand canyon: “A great big orange hole in the ground” Describes both technically yet incompletely.

Often lately, I find myself feeling the impulse to emigrate out of this state or even this country. I am investing in my physical home in home and property improvements as much as my health allows.

I literally feel nervous we do not own egg laying chickens yet. This is anxiety I doubt anyone not-ridiculous experiences seriously… but as always, I am a self parody of a real human being. I can write as elegantly and eloquently as I can, however there is zero market for editorials without connections or nor journalism written free of propoganda for whomever pays or promises increases of standard if living, ergo, quality of life.

Regardless, somewhere…I am among someone’s favorite writers, even if it is just one person.

I try hard to hope that person or persons are not creepy people who have harmed me…but instead are decent people with good hearts. Sadly, I do not choose my small readership, you choose to read mevout if interest, curiosity, voyeurism, or obsession.

And I should not stop writing because I feel intimidated that people who intentionally, deliberately, and criminally harmed me and likely others read what I write along with kind strangers and friends.

My life is okay- my anxieties are global economic disaster and stalkers.

If you KNOW you are not welcome in my life… just know that I hate you specifically for causing writer’s anxiety. Generally, you would know if you are a stalker if you are rather certain I would call the police if you attempt contact me:)

Sometimes, when I think of all the people who have pursued contact with me after I state I wish no further contact, it feels like being buried in concrete. A relative who beat me, a handfull of ‘niceguys’ who can’t understand ‘no’, a guy who wrote a chapter in his book about ‘bringing me to Jesus’, a couple of ex-lovers, and two people who may actually be murderers.

My social anxiety is valid. My husband protects me and scares off these predators. My problem with #metoo is it doesn’t count abuse by women to women. Also, I hate hate hate the word ‘victim’.

I hate seeing it. It is like a scarlet letter that marks a person in an invisible fashion that is only visible to other abusers, it then deforms all life into social phobia and agoraphobia.

Not everyone has been stalked, threaten, or harmed by others. It isn’t glamorous, and it happens because the individual harmed often is lured into traps of feeling empathetic towards people who give the appearances of living through similar experiences or trying to seek help and the person offering a hand has ulterior motives.

In realising I am a horrendously terrible judge of character… and the current geopolitical climate has created nothing but the radicals and those who are just dropping from all social media as they are able… I am the latter.

Did an event cause this? Yes. I found out an ex was under alias as a fb ‘friend’ who sought me out via this blog.

I cannot emphasise this enough: go away. Do not comment, do not create a reaction blog. I delete stalker comments, I don’t read what anyone writes about me or whatever. I don’t even own a single book where I am mentioned, noreven read them. I fucking hide.

I write because if I don’t when I feel the need to, it affects my mental health extremely adversely.

But sometimes it helps other people as well… that makes it not so bad.

Reddit is a great place to be a chaplain.

Posted in Uncategorized on May 21, 2018 by Tyrienne

First, I have reached the conclusion that facebook can indeed be a cognitive addiction, I left around May 1st-ish and I still find myself reaching for my phone to make stupid little status updates even now. Example, walking my dog Ziu on the stream path behind our home and picking wild Sping onions. Okay, they will taste great in my stir fry this evening, but no one in Odinism outside of the local Braucherei would care about wild onions, and more importantly, the vast majority of them are fiercely against social media and limit internet use, if they even have the internet at all.

So, therefore, I concluded I would be sharing something entirely meaningless except for a small handful of other forager-types, and onions are nothing special compared to morel mushroom season or finding a decent sized chicken-of-the-woods (big shelf fungus that allegidly tastes like chicken.)

I suppose since Leah’s memorial service my focus in my chaplaincy shifted a bit. I am a little better known outside of just Odinism now and I felt a bit overwhelmed and needed to pull back my online interactions a bit. I still do as much (or little?) as always, but instead of being a one woman suicide/crisis/grief hotline- by pure happenstance I wound up on an obscure forum on Reddit for individuals and their families seeking support for a type of rare medical condition which happens to be incredibly common in my family.

I had a family medical emergency from that condition last week, created a stupid off-the-cuff throwaway name looking for resources for myself, was quickly connected to what I needed and in turn, learned that many of the questions people were posting on that forum I have the resources to answer or, at very least, point people in the correct direction to find answers that the moderators were at a loss to fix. I seemed to very quickly find a nice niche in there and have been happily helping ever since.

I do not give medical advice by any means, but I sure know my way around the process of finding the right types of doctors, can offer my own experience as a person who has family who suffer the condition for how to best help symptomatic family, and as a bonus, still have every chaplain resource available to listen or refer others to even better resources that can quickly help them out and even lead to solutions that stick- whereas with suicide/grief chaplaincy there are seldom quick fixes, nor even clear resolutions in many cases outside of therapy I am not qualified to provide beyond listening and the time it takes for psychological wounds to heal.

My /u/Tyrienne account still is active on regular reddit, but I discovered it is also a very nice change of pace to just be a ‘normal’, multifaith chaplain who can help with a few sentences and some links as opposed to pulling all-nighters with suicidal strangers via private messaging.

Reddit forums can be much more structured, especially the older forums. The acutely suicidal are better served by calling a crisis line such as 1-800-SUICIDE instead of me staying online for countless hours attempting to convince people to call that number. I realize I was living part of my life as a human redundancy.

So, I now have a secret screenname I use exclusively for a forum for a condition that is common in my biological family, something I know how to navigate the treatment process fairly well from a lifetime of understanding the condition. There, my religion as Odinist has only been mentioned twice, but I feel much happier overall with my work.

For one thing, it ceased feeling like “work”… although Heathen-Odinist chaplains with degrees and certifications seldom get paid anyway, the three or four of us in the US community I know definately work our asses off in our respective volunteer work. I know one in the military, one weddings, and one or two who did prison work, who if reading this, I dearly hope continued that outreach.

Heathenry, by nature does not have religious authorities…and should NOT be human billboards attempting to convert. Instead, we should serve as intake to answer questions and give out the basic booklist of the Eddas and helpful, supporting literature. (As always, my favorite remains “The Odin Brotherhood” by Mark Mirabello)

Each man and woman stands on their own in their European spirituality and do not and should not require any intermediary between ourselves and our Ancestors and Gods. Too often American Heathenry and Odinism falls into the Abrahamic pattern/trap of clergy with congregation… and really, that is not how we are supposed to work at all.

The Goethe/Gythia or even legal chaplain is a servant to the community and should only be responsible for helping others through difficult times, providing resources, performing services that the law requires legal clergy for (most people choose weddings, I chose funerals and forcing doctors to offer hospice care as an option for families with loved ones about to pass on from illness or traumatic injury), or in passing on our traditions to children and those who are newly called to our faith. We are supposed to lead only by example, and encourage each Odinist to be a leader in their own right.

We are not meant to have hierarchy, no one Odinist is more ‘important’ than any other. Each of us is capable of reading our own books, performing our own holiday rituals, and it is essentially toxic to lead a group of Odinists like a minister runs a Christian church.

My former kindred was very good at giving each person their equal moments of leadership for most of the extraordinarily long life it existed until many of our brothers fell into hard drug use. In trying so hard to integrate into other local communities, I got lost, and actually hurt a great deal by politics and backstabbing as other individuals jockied for ‘leadership’ roles in organizations.

Heathenry should not be organized, Odinism is an intimately personal experience you share with your family and like-minded friends.

I have successfully made some progress in reconnecting with my roots with the local Dīevturba (and in refreshing my passive fluency in Latvian) and my chaplaincy degrees and such are actually better used at this time helping people as simply someone who went to college for the correct education to provide resources and support for anyone I can help, regardless of their own faith or mine.

I am a chaplain who is also an Odinist. I need to remember that, as should all others who went for legal legitimacy. It can be difficult to reconcile where we are supposed to ‘fit’ in our communities verses our legal title which was created based on a monotheistic model.

The federal government is very specific about how religions are defined and accepted; Odinists who seek accredited, ecclesiastical and counseling training are valuable in proving our legitimacy to non-Heathens, but we are not nor should not be anything other than a resource for the community entire or anyone else who could use our assistance.

It is a calling and a privilege, not an accomplishment.

When I feel up to it, I will be swinging back to the Odin Brotherhood forums as Tyrienne, but other than that, I have people to celebrate holidays with and invites I still would like to work up the nerve to accept from kindreds who operate on a more equal, appropriately ‘each person is a descendant of Gods’ model. (Hi MJG: Call me again, we need to catch up.)

Otherwise, the absolute most important thing to my spirituality at present is being here for my godchildren who are now all reaching that critical puberty age where I can take some stress off the parents by providing a thorough religious education on our beautiful tapestry European polytheistic religions and watch them bloom. One of my little goddaughter’s has even developed an obsession with fox fylgia and I am absolutely thrilled by that!

I do love talking about foxes, and in a few weeks I look forward to seeing my eldest godchild and her grandma before she leaves Pennsylvania for the summer for upstate NY.

So, this is where my path is right this moment in May of 2018. I will have my husband post this on the facebook page for me, and if any of you from real life or OB still need my phone number, email me at renalexanders@gmail.com

Also, summer solstice is coming up, it would be a great time now to scoutout your local mountains…and while doing so, I still support #Wotennetwork and Woten on the Peaks created by Stephen McNallen. Bring your horn and raise it high for the purpose of our Gods stirring up the blood of the collective ancestral spiritualities of our folk to the old (and very good!) Ways of our Gods and ancestors!

Hailsa!🦊

I am not leaving.

Posted in Uncategorized on May 9, 2018 by Tyrienne

I am not leaving. I deavtivated facebook, I vent on Reddit, I play my viola/cello/violin (badly), and text people one on one.

I find myself pulled, as if addicted to overstare details of the more fucked up moments I have seen in real life, real time, instead I am saving them up for future blog posts.

Basically: How do I live my life and try to respond to the challenges life throws my way with an Odinist ethic?

This is what I think about often, among other things. How do I msintain a consistent, ethical response to all life events to the very best I am able.

There is zero guidebook that informs you on how to respond to modern life written by Tyr Himself, nor even Odin.

After the Hamaval, it is just us, doing the best we can to represent virtues we value.

Sometimes, I regret that my primary focus is gross honesty.

This entire post is the equivilent of vaguebooking. Truth is, at this moment I am dealing with recent trauma I am attempting to assimilate into becoming a benign thought in a sea of other traumas.

The problem with being traumatized at a young age is the inevitability of finding new, more bizarre traumas seeking you to completely fuck up your entire view of yourself and how much or little your life interfaces with other people in your life.

I have very good friends, the best therapist, support networks for days. The worst decision I make in my life is interact with people who hurt me and I recoil like a fucking viper and randomly strike back with my flashbacks and try to get people, like my family, to care about the times I was strangled as a child because tgey didn’t help me enough, call 911, protect me.

The above paragraph is part of what I am objectively experiencing in my mind right now, I am stressed and overwhelmed. It triggers. Not the co opted word ‘triggered’. I am having a psychological/medical episode I am treating with medication and writing out my thought processes.

The writing content, intensity, and style changes as I manage phonecalls from my shrink and my friends checking in on me. It is embarrassing I need that, but I am very grateful to have them all.

The problem is this time this is something new. I never saw this before, and I am frightened for everyone else who has seen what I have, and my other problems seem so alien compared to seeing a disease worse than the worst disease you know literally eat the brains of your best friend like a goddamned zombie buffett.

I wish I could talk about it and vent everything, but I can’t until they literally die.

For what it’s worth, I estimate that will be in under a year unless he decides otherwise.

But seriously, don’t lie to your friends for ten years about your problems because the 11th hour quickly moves to midnight and leaves me with nothing left to work with.

P.s. my husband will be posting my blogs on The Lokean fb page. I might just delete this post anyway.

Nookk has left the hospital at last; she was last seen eating trash and driving a Fnord

Posted in Uncategorized on April 17, 2018 by Tyrienne
Tastykaaaake!

This is the only picture of Leah Beam/Nookk Finn that belongs entirely to me. I share…also, here is the link to her Gofundme for her actual, biological family for her funeral expenses she created herself before she died: https://www.gofundme.com/7cpyp-leahs-funeral-expenses

Yeah, I got something to say: Asatru/Odinism/Heathenry, as a whole has nothing on the love that is flowing through the electronic veins of every social media site, forum, and group of Discordians and Chaotes the past month. The worshippers of the Norse have proven time and again to be more full of division, chaos, and discord than the actual movement CALLED “Discordianism”.

A few years ago, I stumbled across a post by a young girl on a Discordian page with over ten thousand members. I have no recollection of what she posted that impressed me so much at the time; however, my immediate action was to bring her into the wonderful, sweet center of Discordianist groups- the schisms and sweet little cabals in which we whisper our secrets and fears.

I even gave her the The Key.

For almost ten years there has been a myth about “Discordian Key Membership”- I forget who added me, but somehow, I ended up a moderator along the way… so I added her. Out of thousands of people on facebook, we agreed, before she was even old enough to legally vote, that she embodied the best of Eris herself.

Personally, I got so wrapped up in my anger at the Asatru community for not being better that I did not see “my people”. Although I moderated several larger cabals in Discordianism, my activity was so sparse that the few times I commented in the larger groups- It was met with confusion:

“Wait, why does it say you are a moderator? Are you an alt?”

“Nope, been here for years, I just don’t post often. 😚”

My moderatorship has not been to ban or to remove, but to sort people into the right communities: the artists into the glitch groups, the meme and content creator’s into others, and even further, to petition to allow those of us who are depressed, ill, or just going through some shit into groups where we provide one hell of an internet family.

Online, I joined Asatru and Discordian communities concurrently. I read “Condensed Chaos” by Phil Hine around the same time I began reading books on Runes before I even hit puberty.

As a Heathen, I am constantly having to both downplay/ stand up for myself for a variety of reasons: My political beliefs, the Gods I worship, right down to taking a fucking DNA test to prove to the most conservative among you that not only do I meet you quotas for “blood quantum”, I exceed most of you with being 100% made in Europe…and ironically, posting this screenshot caught me a 30 day fb ban(I will post the pic that got me my second ban at the end of this post.)

Every. Single. Fucking. Time. Someone I care about dies, I learn something that changes my life.

So far, so few people have died in my adult life I have not learned very much yet, but thanks to Leah-and the process of organising myself to perform her memorial service in less than a week, I have learned just how fucking much Discordians, Chaotes, and pagans OUTSIDE of Asatru come together internationally without conflict.

No mistake, there are some incredibly difficult, violent, and downright volatile feuds, however, those feuds are not about ideas…but between individuals. We have several who do not get along one on one, but it is fairly easy to navigate.  The feuds are usually legendary, but seldom divide us into “taking sides”.

We divide into schisms over entirely random reasons usually.

We know some people are miserable bastards, and others have actual, serious traumas they experienced that we try to be sensitive about (loss of a loved one, combat, disfigurement, etc). Some people create the most famous memes on the internet, some are employed by various governments and just hang out to talk freely where they cannot otherwise.

We have our own term for not being Discordian enough: Greyface. It means, basic, boring, dull, uninspired, and intellectually inferior.

We have serious, Hellenic, theistic Discordians with home altars to Eris, we have Heathens like me who honor Eris and Idunna as the same Goddess and we have Atheists/Agnostics who love the pseudo-religious aspects of the movement. They coexist… and honestly, much of the time we would have difficulty identifying one from the other.

We have actual celebrities and the conventionally successful commenting and writing content right alongside the disabled and the homeless. We do not care about relative wealth or status in the ‘conventional’ world in our Discordian communities.

When I am running my crisis chat, at least 75% of the people I help are in the Chaote communities.  They are my online family that is truly reciprocal.  We help each other without posturing or talking like we are on a Game of Thrones set.

Chaosists and Discordians are thoroughly modern, and may be the second most recent, spontaneous religion in numbers… the most recent being the new worship of the Ancient Egyptian Chaos-deity, Kek; the frog headed.  Fascinating stuff!✴

In setting up this memorial service, I learned more people in the entire world exist and belong to Discordian/Chaote/Chaos Magician groups several times over than Asatru as a whole.

Furthermore, when the Lokeans and Surtr worshippers were attacked online and in real life, excluded and derided by American Asatru groups: without pause, many assimilated into Discordia and Chaos Magicka communities. I swear I have seen more Heathen tattoos from friends in Disco than actual Hearhen groups.

We have our own authors, musicians, rituals, and organizations both online and off. Discordians are not fighting for recognition as a religion because, overall, very few require that sort of validation. They came from other belief systems and are tired of lables, or just tired of hierarchies.

Discordians do not have “leaders”, we have “key members” who are basically nodes who are connected to the most other members. We have people some of us really, honestly love and respect…but not usually universally.

Anyway, Leah is one of those people who actually *is* loved throughout every group I have seen among those that knew her. A tiny, twenty-two year old woman had the enormous power to bring hundreds of people defined under a title that suggests the opposite of accord.

Leah Nookk is still showing us how strong an unintentional community can bond, and also, how a single person can have such a profound, positive impact on not only the individuals they interact with, but improve an entire community that is both religious and anti-religion concurrently.

So, for the next several moments, fuck you, modern Asatru… for almost everything: from the disrespect you show to the belief systems of my family from Latvia to your bullshit faux-viking reconstructive rituals which are simply Wicca but with more alcoholism.

By birth, I am Heathen…but our American Heathen community is usually pretty awful and filled with petty bickering and too much heartache all.the.damned.time.

I am an accredited, degreed, chaplain. I can enter any hospital or hospice to perform my calling if I am asked.

I remember when I was suicidal and give as much time as I have to give to anyone who wants someone to listen and help them find a way to experience wanting to live again.

I think maybe the passing of my friend has given me more to process and disseminate than even the death of my former kindred brother whose passing clearly marked the end of an age of local Heathenry where the Folkish and Universalists got along. Time has proven that much.

Leah? Our ‘Nookk Finn’ has already proven that her life is the beginning of a new, positive movement around the entire motherfucking world of people who (mostly) read “The Principia Discordia”…and our strength together as a supportive, batshit crazy, but has true freedom of expression from SJW to Alt-Right, often in the same online forums, not even arguing since it is impossible to tell who is just “having fun” by poking both bears with sticks and who is home wearing drag wearing nothing but a MAGA hat in all seriousness and solemnity.

And goddamn, on Monday I will be filmed dressed like a raccoon, celebrating the life of Leah with as much joy as I can give you from my heart, and raising a horn to Discordia’s newest Saint, Queen Nookk, Leah the Goddess whose reputation and inspiration will long outlast the incredibly fortunate twenty two years we had her on this Earth, and has already become a legend: the woman who Made Discordians All Get Along, She Who Likely Had No Enemies.

Which makes her the quintessential Chaote among Chaotes, the most ironic of the absurd, and we gladly make her yet another icon to add to the infinite pantheon collective of every God, Goddess, and processed hotdog Chaos Magicians already honor as a whole.

This memorial is open to all and will be Totemist/Absurdist but still vaguely Odinist since Odinism is my own base.

The service will be held live 4/23/2018 at 3:23 EST

For the first time I can say: “Man, I am fucking glad to be Lokean and clergy to do this ritual.” For Heathen stuff I really have to lean so far into my existence Tyrsvolk I forget what “smiling” means anymore.

Thank you, Leah. Wherever you are right now, thank you for helping me work so hard to create this for you on Monday, and I hope it would make you smile for real if you got to watch me while you still wore your meatsuit like the rest of us here!

There will be snax. 💛🖤💛

As promised, this is the picture that got me a 7 day ban that ends Friday on my “tame” account. The Zuccbots think my couch is literally a penis.

Although it has not yet been removed from my “spicy” account, it was too sexy for facebook and declared “posting obscene materials” and the picture has been deleted by facebook where I captioned it with the seductive title in several groups “So, I remodeled my basement😂:

In light of this, the service will be held live in this most controversial space with Sexy Couch posing seductively behind me during the broadcast.

Eris=Idunna to me and many others and She definately has Her own ways of indicating what She thinksis appropriateritial space.

Leah will forever be 22 years old to the world that loves her; the Germanic Goddess of Eternal Youth was her Goddess who loved her by the name of Eris, and this is *my* belief.🍎🌭🍏

To learn more on the connections I make between European paganism and modern Discordianism, please search my other posts with the word: Discordian

(I am le’tired of editing: I wrote this on my phone.  There are grammar/spelling mistakes.  I have better things to do than keep editing a mostly intelligible article.  If you see an error, assume it it intentional chaos✴…because IDGAF 🦊)